A
female
age
30-35,
*owgirl352
writes:I don't know if this is just a normal teenage thing, but I have a problem with staying interested in the same guy once he's into me. I could like a guy for months, thinking that he's amazing and perfect for me. Then, when he finally likes me back, I begin to notice his faults and get freaked out by relationships. By my age, most people have atleast had one or two boyfriends, but this problem has kept me single my whole short life. Here's the typical playdown:I begin to like a guy, and I befriend him and flirt in order to get him to like me back, thinking that I'll be the happiest girl in the world once he does.Next, when he starts to like me back, I'm really excited, but it doesn't last.Soon, every text I get from him gets more and more bothersome.Then, I force myself to act like I still like him so that he'll ask me out, hoping that the excitement will come back. It almost becomes a chore.Finally, he'll ask me out. I'll be excited again, go on a great date, and then start getting bored again a few days later.I begin to hold it against him for causing me to feel guilty, blaming him for not being up to par with my standards enough for me to actually have feelings for him. I think, "Why can't he just be more ______?"The irritation seeps out, and I get sick of being around the guy. I have even lashed out a couple of times on different guys. He's caused me too much agitation.I can recognize myself falling into this pattern time and time again. The current boy and I are the most serious out of anyone I've ever dated. We've been on a couple dates, and I feel like everyone at school knows. I've been asked about my relationship status multiple times by completely random people that I had no idea knew about my love life, and my friend says people even ask her about it. It really freaks me out that people I don't know that well care so much. According to my friends, my so-called relationship with this guy is a hot topic at our school. This, of course, doesn't help my situation of starting to feel smothered by the relationship (which doesn't even really exist yet.) The knowledge that people are watching me and know what I do really scares me, and I'm not even sure I really like this guy anymore. I used to only think of his positive qualities, such as his laidback personality, great sense of humor, athletic body, and sweetness. Now, in my mind, his laidback personality has morphed into him not being serious enough about school. His sense of humor has changed into his immaturity. His athletic body has made me notice his braces and goofy face. And his sweetness has turned into a smothering puppy-like quality-- his eyes scream "I just want your love!"I hang out with him after school with friends, and I really look foward to that time all day. But then, when I actually get there, and he starts acting like, well, an immature teenage boy, I have to force myself to try to look at him like I used to. Even when we only hang out for an hour or so a day, I feel like he's smothering me. When I see other people my age in relationships, I always wonder, how are they not sick of each other like I would be?So, there's my story. It's pretty self-destructive and probably doesn't help the guys I'm interested in either. I've been doing it since boys stopped having cooties, and I'm not happy with the results. Am I too picky? Am I just scared of relationships? Maybe some combination of the two or something completely different. What are your opinions?
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (25 February 2011):
 You are still a teenager, you do not know what it is you want in a boyfriend yet. Just because other people around you have boyfriend's, you do not have to follow. When you are older, when you have matured more, you will escape this pattern. Be patient.
I hope that helps.
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