A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I don't get turned on at all nor do I climax during sex. I usually get wet at the beginning but after a short while I dry up and I lose interest and things start to get mechanical. I just can't seem to be in the mood for sex. I'm not sure if it has anything to do with my sex drive because I watch porn all the time and I masturbate at least 2 or 3 times, often more, everyday and get great orgasms from it. And I often get horny during school and work thinking about sex. Could it be that I am not sexually attracted to my boyfriend? Or is it because my boyfriend doesn't know how to touch me at the right places to turn me on? Or could it even be that I am actually a lesbian because women turn me on much more than men? How can I improve my sex life with my boyfriend? I am really tired of faking interest and drying up after 10 minutes of sex and wanting him to just get it over with.
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horny, in the mood, lesbian, orgasm, porn, sex drive, sex life Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2008): You're young, and you're exploring who you are. Your question about what you like, who you are (a lesbian?), etc. simply confirm that.
Let yourself explore. Don't make any decisions---you're too young.
When you're capable of the emotional connection/need, the exploration is different. You're not focused around you and the sex---but the two of you and how to please each other.
All that considered, give yourself a break---and get to a point (if it means breaking up with the current b/f) where you can get some answers. That's is what being young is all about. When you're older have your answers---life will be so much more familiar.
Let me strongly suggest that just because women turn you on does not make you a lesbian. I think that is such a common problem these days with confused young adults. You can be with a man, emotionally connect with a man who compliments you and fulfills you, and be a turned on by a woman for fun/sexual experiences.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2008): I'd suggest figuring out *exactly* what it is that really turns you on, then think about what of those things is missing in your sex with bf that could change. If you really find you're strongly attracted to women, then he won't be able to change that - you'll eventually want to start playing with women as well as men. However, those things about sex with men that you like, that your bf isn't doing - THAT will require talking with him, nicely, about what you'd like: "I REALLY enjoy xyz, how about we try that, pleasepleasePlease?...", said with a lovely seductive smile while naked and next to him.
If he takes your suggestions to heart, and matters still don't improve, then you are likely not strongly attracted to him (..were you ever strongly attracted to him?..). Chemistry isn't something you can change, it either exists between the two of you or doesn't. If not, you'll have to decide how important good sex is, because w/o that chemistry, sex with someone will always feel the way it does now.
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A
female
reader, chandra Mcmillan  +, writes (5 October 2008):
 Sex is somthing that you can experiment with and dont forget that. Ask him what his fantasys are what he has always longed to do, ask him if he would like to have porn on whilst your having sex.
Massage and stimulation are great to spice up the bedroom. You might find you prefer to be incharge in the bedroom, or he prefers it, you may find sex toys help fun interesting and new. You dont need to tell him it is because you are bord and he never gives you an orgasm just that you wanna try something new.
Its a game, you want to do somthing that you are both enjoying, try new sex positions, try role play (acting like someone els, like a nurse and doctor for eg). Talk to him and tell him what you want. EXPERIMENT!
GOOD LUCK
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A
male
reader, Snafu +, writes (5 October 2008):
As the male partner is usually the active one during sex, his movements and actions are usually designed to stimulate himself. Perhaps you should take control more when you are at it and find positions that get you going. Have you tried going on top? Or perhaps touching yourself while he is inside you? I am sure he would love it if you did.
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