A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I didn't really start dating until near the end of my 20s, i'm in my early 30s now, i'm dating someone new, while of course i am happy and glad to have met her, i do have these thoughts.I wonder if it is a common mindset or thought for people, that were late bloomers in dating, relationships, sex, to sometimes get depressed over not having dated earlier in life.I understand and know that we can't change the past, i'm very aware of that. But i think it's human nature to wish we got to experience certain things in our lives before we actually did.Being a guy, human male, i feel i have a right to be angry and upset over this because i feel like my gender, sex, is dealt with taking or accepting responsibility for our lives the most.Because guys, men, are pretty much the main gender always expected to get off our ass and do something about it.I'm kind of speaking of my lifelong hatred of how men are always expected to make the first move or talk to women first in terms of starting a relationship, never liked how one-sided it is but sadly, that is part of nature, reality, as much as i hate that word.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2021): My friend, it is what it is! You've met someone, so go with the flow. What exactly do you gain or accomplish by being angry about what didn't happen in the past?
You are now in the present. Deal with it!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2021): What are you talking about. Early thirties you are at the prime of your years. You are at the most attractive stage of your life from the perspective of women. The eligible bachelor. You are mature, young and an earner. That is a prime target for marriage. Do you know that men can date much younger women than themselves even when they are in their sixties. you are hampering your chances by some imaginary limitation which does not exist . If your goal is to sleep with many women you still have plenty of time to do that but remembering life in reality is not like that. You will meet someone that will completely captivate you and that will be it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 February 2021):
 You do know that you are not LESS of a man for not having slept around a lot when younger? Right?
People with fewer sexual partners are more likely to have less if any STD's STI's - so in a sense the fewer partner really IS the better.
I don't think a guy is more "manly" or a "better catch" if he has bedded more women. I don't think many women have that as a criteria. Sure, being attractive can score higher on the list for a younger woman than let's say personality. A risktaker might also score higher with younger women, but that doesn't mean THAT is who they want as the father of their children.
You can be bitter of things you didn't do. What good does it do you? It's up there with taking poison hoping someone else dies. Stupid. Really.
Regrets are inevitable. We ALL have something we regret doing or NOT doing in live, the older we get the more there CAN be. But holding ON to that regret does NOTHING positive for anyone.
Do yourself a favor and STOP looking at things you HAVEN'T accomplished but what you HAVE and what you HOPE to accomplish in the future.
Lastly, no one is impressed with a man OR a woman who has slept with a lot of people. So what? Are you impressed with a prostitute? (male or female) ? No? They have had sex with a LOT of people. And some even made it a living! That should impress the fire out of you...
Life is what you make it.
You write: "Being a guy, human male, i feel i have a right to be angry and upset over this because i feel like my gender, sex, is dealt with taking or accepting responsibility for our lives the most."
Sure, you have a "right" to be upset about whatever you WANT to be upset about - it's just so POINTLESS.
Sex CAN be about taking responsibility. Especially in the case where you GET or GIVE someone an STD or impregnate someone. Other than that? Sex is there to ensure a continuation of the species. Nothing more. WE as humans have made it into more. Because we derive PLEASURE from it.
You could go your WHOLE life and never have sex. It wouldn't kill you not to have it.
Get out of that toxic mindset that you seem so entrenched in. It's doing nothing for you. OR for any partner you might have.
Many women don't just sit around waiting to be "picked" - to be "chosen". I'd say in most of the people I know, the WOMEN made the first move, the second and the third. Women might be more subtle but no, men don't HAVE to do all the work. The might get REJECTED more, because they ATTEMPT more. Which should mean, MEN get better at it.
Let it go. You are the one making YOU miserable about this. No one else.
Your choice.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (16 February 2021):
 Like you rightly say, you can't change the past, so put your energies into the here and now, and the relationship that you are in.
Like Mystiquek says she found it quite refreshing regarding her husbands sexual experience, and I would guess that the majority of women would think along these lines.
Look at this way, you could be divorced now, and have a couple of kids that you get to see weekends, so really you could look at your current situation as a positive thing.
I think in todays day and age it does not look out of place for a woman to approach a guy, for a woman to ask a man on a date. Some friends I know, the woman actually proposed to the guy, and they are both happily married now. So no, I don't think it is always men that make the first move nowdays.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (16 February 2021):
 My husband didn't date or get intimate with a woman until he was 26. He was studying to be a doctor and his career came first. He is now 53 and has only been with 2 women his entire life. His ex wife and me. He did express once that he wished he had dated more and had more sexual experience but I honestly found it very refreshing that he was almost untouched.
The bottom line is..your past is what it is and you can't go back and you can't change it so why stress about it? What good will it do? There are many people in the world that truly wish that they had far less sexual experience. I wish my husband had been the first man I had ever gotten involved with but I can't change it so why bother thinking about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2021): You cannot change the past but you can control your future.Stop dwelling on the past and focus on what you have now and enjoy your life.Life is way to short to worry about things beyond your control.Just have fun now and be happy.
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