A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:We have been together for 8.5 years. Engaged for 1.5. We were young when we got together. The first few years of our relationship were constant arguments through my own insecurities and, honestly, I think I enjoyed the drama of it. My mental health then took a hit after we moved out together. My mood was constantly low and I was always in a bad mood with him, this also would lead to arguments. Although he would never admit this, I have no doubt we lost a little love for each other over these years and i'm not sure if we stayed together through convenience or love. I would say it has only been in the last 3-4 years that we have truly been happy. My mental health is better, we've both grown up, and we actually enjoy each others company again. But all I can remember from our relationship over the years is arguments and bad feelings. I see couples on social media talking about the good times they've had over the years and, I'm sure there are times we have had fun together too but it's over shadowed by the unhappy moments. We don't have that fairy tale relationship- maybe i've been watching too many rom-coms but I often wonder why we allowed ourselves to be unhappy like we did and I feel bad that most of it was probably my doing. I'm not sure what advice I'm looking for, I don't want to be/see myself with anyone else, but I wonder are we meant to be together? Is it because this is all we know? I'm maybe over thinking it but I'm feeling quite confused.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2021): I was talking to a woman at work the other day and she said she married young and their first few years they used to argue all the time, with two young daughters. Thirty years on they are still together, wouldn't live without rack other and laugh at how they were back then.
Do NOT fall for social media perfect relationships, it's for show.
Focus on what you and your boyfriend have and look at it positively in how far you have come, the path of true love never runs smoothly. Stay in the here and now and what you both have in the present moment, that's all that matters now x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2021): Hi
Don't focus too much on the past and believe what you see about dreamy romances, especially on social media it's crap. Let's be honest, the amount of time spent on these type of time consuming platforms portraying a perfect dreamy relationship means somebody is been neglected. Yes, I come on here to answer a couple of questions, probably once every few day's, but I know where the off button is.
You are probably quite bored at the moment, if you are in
the UK with lockdown blues and this does not help. Your moods may well be related to mental health issues but you say you have overcome this and you actually admit ( that's a first) that you may have been a little to blame in the past arguments, that's a good start, recognition and acceptance to solve problems.
Couples go through stages and sometimes they turn into friends after all the honeymoon dramas and heated passion and stormy arguments, we learn about each other in these periods/stages and sometimes it's the end of the road and sometimes just a better connection.
Love and Friendship is the glue that bonds us together on our life journeys. Red hot passion is often replaced with something else, that far out lives lust & sex. Some people move on in search of the constant feeling of lust and sex until they reach the same status quo and repeat and repeat relationships always in search of something that's missing.
So you don't have that Fairy tale relationship? I thought that too, once. I had and have a wonderful life partner, we fought like tigers, we loved with passion and hated, we fought everything, each other, alcohol addiction, illness, cancer, family feuds, we loved we lost, cheated death a couple of times and somewhere along the way became best friends and the dramas and learning experiences became our rock and then we created adventures instead of dramas. I have never looked back with regret at our heated passions, just a smile because we are still in love with our life journey together not what fake social media portrays.
Happiness comes in many way's and sometimes just the way we look at things make a difference. Count our blessings for good health, and for those around us that are all special, those strangers we meet along the way, the tapestry of life. Feeling Dull, lives in the mind.
Choose happiness and let life flow naturally, don't look back, feel today, and think of tomorrow.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (16 February 2021):
 Ok so you had some problems in your past with your partner and things were not as rosy as you would have liked them to be.
I think its important now to appreciate being happy in the here and now, and look forward to a happy future, and stop looking back at unhappy times in the past.
Things are all good now, your mental health is better, you are both grown up, and you enjoy each others company again, and by your own admission you say you could not see yourself with anyone else.
You must stop thinking of your unhappy past, and now envisage a happy present and future.
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