A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with this guy for a year and he doesnt hug or kiss me.We have discussed this more than once because it bothers me, of course..and he says he is "trying" to be more affectionate. Am I wrong for thinking he just doesn't love me? He tells me it takes time for things to develope, but i think a year is plenty of time. Am I wrong for thinking a couple should hug and kiss everyday? I get a hug and kiss once a week if I'm lucky. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 May 2011):
 some people are just not overly or outwardly affectionate. your BF sounds like that type of person.if that's the way he is it probably won't change.
A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (20 May 2011):
 Haha, same situation with me. My wife has complained consistently through our 8 years together (4 married) that i am not affectionate enough.
I came from a family where my parents were not often very affectionate, and it all relates back to my mother. I can count on one hand the number of times she has hugged me in my life, and i can't even recall the last time (going back to when i was 4 and first had cognitive memories!) she kissed me.
The only time she ever said "I love you" was after we had had huge arguments when we were younger.
I am exactly like that, though I am trying to work on it.
My kids are much more huggy/kissy then i ever was as a child, and that kind of broke me down a bit.
And after 8 years of my wife harping on the matter, i actually DO have moments now, when she is standing at the counter making dinner, or sitting at the computer writing an email, where i feel compelled to run up and hug her from behind, or kiss her on the cheek.
At first she felt like i was mocking her, because when i do do it, i usually say something snarky or witty, or overemphasize the kiss in a humerous manner, but since then i think she's starting to adjust to the fact that this is me naturally expressing my love for her the best way i can in an attempt to appease her desires.
I think i stand as an example that, if you keep at it, you CAN cause an alteration in your partner. Just be patient and be prepared to take a while...
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (20 May 2011):
 Hi
I would have to agree with sexlessinheuk. Many men are likethis, maybe think dont think its manly to be all touchy feely, or maybe his parents wasn't that affectionate to himm when he was growing up, so finds this normal. Has he been like this from the start? if he has then I doubt very much this will change, and as sexlessinheuk stated if he has to try to be affectionate , then it wont be coming natrually to him. therefore you will be getting fake emotions. when he does hug and kiss you, you knkow its because he wants to show you he loves you, but dont feel like he has to prove his love every single day. When in fact if hedidn't love you he wouldn't be with you right! so chin up, and cherish the cuddles you get because them ones are real xx
Hope this has helped. :)
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