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I gave my teacher a letter explaining my feelings, but he has not opened it, I'm worried he won't...

Tagged as: Age differences, Forbidden love, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 July 2008) 11 Answers - (Newest, 11 July 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I love my teacher, but he see's right through me. I think he knows to some extend I love him, yet he ignores me and doesn't act so friendly with me. He always acts friendly to others, and blanks me out. I don't know what to do anymore; because it hurts me alot.

I feel like screaming, and I don't know what to do. I've given him a letter explaining my feelings, and I was sure I wanted to do this, but he hasn't opened it, and I'm worried he won't. I need help on what to do, because its killing me inside.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2008):

You possibly shouldn't have done that...

He'll go straight to the Head Teacher and your parents will be involved.

Feelings for teachers are always very messy...

I know how you feel though. Just understand that nothing will ever happen. You can be friends by all means, or just keep in touch, but not a relationship.

Unless you want your parents to know...

Now I think you should go to your teacher, tell him to ask for the letter back and say it was a mistake. If your still convinced you absoutley want to do this, prepare yourself for the worst. I know you have to let your feelings out but you can't thats the thing. Your obsessed! Like I was! But you can get over it. Find these qualities in someone else your age. Go out. Spend the Summer trying to get over him.

Get a bit of freedom to roam around a bit without him...

Because it'll never happen...

Sorry...

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A female reader, lauzolfc United Kingdom +, writes (11 July 2008):

lauzolfc agony aunti feel exactly the same way. the teacher i am crazy about does this 2 me i gave him a letter telling him 2 and he hasnt bothered 2 let me no if he has read it or not its killing me cos i dont want anyone else other than him

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A female reader, bemused Canada +, writes (11 July 2008):

bemused agony auntHi hun

I am a high school teacher. Are you aware that this man could lose his job is there was just a bit of gossip about this. Are you aware that his reputation could be tarnished forever. Are you aware that if rumors get out he better look at what else he wants to do because no one will hire him as a teacher. Teachers face criminal prosecution if they get involved with an underage student and then he will not be able to get a job.

It sounds like he does care about you hun. In a way he is protecting you and himself by not opening this letter. Think about if from his point of view....it could get very very bad for him.

I do not think you will have a crush on him if he no longer has a job and faces jail time. I know I am coming down hard but have seen teachers careers, usually male teachers ruined because of things like this. These are people I worked with who mysteriously were up on charges and gone. It was really awful. In some cases things may have happened, in some nothing happened..their privacy was protected and we were not told but they were gone from teaching forever.

This post is not going to earn my any popularity points but it is awful to see firsthand what can happen. This man went to university to teach you hun..that is what he wants to do. Find someone your own age to have fun with.

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A male reader, saltwater United Kingdom +, writes (11 July 2008):

saltwater agony auntI'm sure it hurts, but even if you were to start a relationship with your teacher the situation would be ten times worse for both of you.

The first poster is right, the teacher isn't blanking you, he is avoiding leading you on...though you have interpreted it as blanking.

It's natural to think some teachers are attractive; but love is a strong word.

Get a lad your own age...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008):

Leave your teacher alone. He's too old for you and he's not interested. You can love who you want, but you must accept that when somebody avoids you, and dosen't want to talk to you, that they do not love you back. Your embarrasing yourself, he's avoiding you, he's not intrested. Concentrate on your studies and go and pass some exams. Here take a look at this story, this is how your teacher really feels about the whole situation...

http://www.dearcupid.org/question/a-student-is-in-love-with-me-how.html

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008):

Well, I don't agree with Uncle Phil.

I don't reckon he has gotten round to opening it and if I were you I would take it back before it's too late.

He is too old for you and like Uncle Phil said it is illegal for a teacher to get with a pupil.

Besides the fact, he probably doesn't blank you, you just don't stand out to him and he is there fore unsure of you.

I think you should find a guy you own age to go out with. It's a much better option than dating a school teacher, he would still treat you like a small child even when you've completely matured and who wants that?

Find a nice lad for yourself and not another teacher please with cheese. .

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008):

He hasn't opened it because he probably knows what's in it, and he's already had a dozen letters like this before, some of them most likely at the same time as he got yours.

He's blanking you because he knows you're a potential threat to his career if he acted upon your emotions, which are most unhealthy, not to mention illegal, which would see him out of a job and on the street and being branded a paedophile.

Turn you attentions on boys your own age, forget about your teacher. He's there to teach you, that's what he gets paid for, and nothing else.

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A female reader, x Nic x United Kingdom +, writes (10 July 2008):

x Nic x agony auntLove is a strong word and I am sorry to say as much as you won't believe me but it is not what you are feeling for this teacher. You have confusion from what you are feeling. The feeling you have is more admiration for the teacher, you look up to him but are getting this confused with love as you are young, going through puberty and have a lot of hormones going through your body.

I know very well how it feels to like a teacher but you have to realise that there are rules teachers have to obey by, they cannot have a personal interest with their students because it is illegal. The teacher probably knows how you feel for him therefore is keeping his distance on purpose and have not opened the letter because I am sure he knows what it is going to say. I would not take it personally lovely his is just doing his job and keeping professional.

I know how hard it is but you have to try get over him and you will just give it some time. Look at guys your own age; I am sure there are lots you can choose from.

I wish you well and I know you will get through this, just try focus on other things

Good Luck

x x x x

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A female reader, xSpacexDementiax United Kingdom +, writes (10 July 2008):

xSpacexDementiax agony auntawww i feel for you!

If you think your teacher knows how you feel and yet he still ignores you, it's probably because he's trying to send you the message that nothing can happen between you two. Male teachers get very panicky about this type of thing, if they're accused of doing anything innappropriate they can be sacked and even put in prison so it's understandable that he's acting like this.

There's not much you can do to get over him really, you just have to sit and wait it out. I know it probably feels like he's the one, but how much do you know about him? his hobbies, his past, what he's like out of school... if you knew him out of school you might not feel the same way for him.

Anyway, how do you know he hasn't opened the letter? I think it's probable that he has - maybe he just isn't acting like he has because he doesn't want to have to report you, which is what he's supposed to do.

How old are you? If I were you, I'd hang on abit longer, let things blow over abit, and work on just talking to him as others do. Then if you still like him, try and progress it to friendship. But do NOT do anything inappropriate while he's still your teacher, you HAVE to wait until after you've left.

I know how hard it is, Im in a very messy situation with one of my teachers, but I thin we both know that we have to wait now. It's not worth risking him going to prison for the sake of a year (in my case) or even a couple of ears - in which time you may have even decided you don't feel for him anymore.

good luck and if you need to chat, message me, I'll be glad to help you out.

xx

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A female reader, Umari Solanthus United Kingdom +, writes (10 July 2008):

Umari Solanthus agony auntI believe your teacher is being cold towards you because of your feelings for him.

I'm sure you're aware of the awkwardness of the situation. You are still young and his student, while he is a figure of responsibility and must set an example as such. Therefore he cannot be seen to encourage your feelings or make it look, to others, as though he is returning them. To do so would put him in a dangerous position, and he doesn't want that, and I'm sure you don't either.

I think your teacher wants you to realise that there can be no relationship between you, and as such I don't think he will open that letter, or respond to it if he does. That is why he is cold and blanks you, to try to make you turn your affections elsewhere, to someone your own age.

Therefore it would be best if you let go of your feelings for your teacher. The situation is too awkward, particularly while you are still at school.

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A female reader, lilmiissjem United Kingdom +, writes (10 July 2008):

lilmiissjem agony auntHello.

I was once in your position. It hurts i know. The truth is that he is aware of your feelings and - to avoid leading you on - he is minimising his contact with. I know that it hurts but honestly, he is only your teacher and will never be anything more. I suggest you focus on your studies and hang out with guys your own age - you never know who you might meet!

good luck honey x

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