A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years now but he's always been abusive to me. He is bipolar has anxiety attacks, clinical depression, and just a whole book full of problems that I dealt with because in the end he's always there for me and loves me and I completely love him but lately he's just been non-stop miserable and making me miserable he calls me cuss words on a normal basis and treats me like I won't ever leave him no matter what. I gave him a final warning and told him this was his last chance but I really don't know if it's gonna work out but I found out a few days ago a close friend of ours likes me, I was drunk and asked him and he gave me an honest answer (Said I was beautiful and he respected me and I impressed him) So I'm wondering if I should call it quits with my boyfriend and go for the friend of ours. We don't have kids together and I own the house so it wouldn't be complicated beyond the emotional part of it. But I do love him and don't wanna lose him for something that might not work out. It's not like our friend is perfect either. What should I do?
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female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (7 September 2012):
A mental illness (or three) is no reason or excuse for treating your significant other like he treats you. Officially, i've been diagnosed with adhd, anxiety, and cyclothymia (more depression than anything else.) i am thankful for my fiance and try my best to not be aggressive or nasty to him. I would never insult him just because I could. I swallow my pride and apologize when I have been unnecessarily difficult to deal with.
I think it is time to tell your boyfriend that you are finished. Mental illness is not an excuse to treat the people who love you like crap. It is time he puts on his big boy pants, takes charge of his own treatment, and learns how to live life and interract with others.
A
female
reader, ktmae +, writes (7 September 2012):
 I do know where you are comeing from i think even bondgirl72 helped me a on a few questions and she is absolutly right and ill tell ya ive only been doing it a short time and you made it through five years so kudos for trying but if your not happy its time to let go . Someone will be willing to do what has become a chore to you and will be happy doing it one day but if you leave dont do it for the friend do it for you and give it some time befor you go strait to the friend and make sure this is something you really want not just curiousity once done cant be undone
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2012): hi,
look at the long term prospect of this relationship, do you want children eventually? he is abusive towards you and if you have children he will make them unhappy with his unpredictable behaviour too.
i was married for 20 yrs to a bi-polar man, i was verbally abused and manipulated pretty badly. our grown up children have issues with their childhood because they all felt they missed out on a normal childhood and couldn't relate to their father.
i eventually found a way to get out of my relationship but i wish i had left many years earlier.
your life wont be normal if you stay with this man, he sounds similar to my ex tbh and he got worse with age.
dont leave him for another man, leave him for yourself and your sanity! the right man will come along eventually - if you want a peaceful life!
- incidentally, i know several bi-polar people, some are lovely and manage to get through life without being abusive or unpleasant, others seem to blame everyone but themselves for things which shouldnt matter anyway, my ex came into the 2nd category and i spent my life walking on eggshells feeling like **** only when i left and spent 4 years alone did i find myself and discover i had emotions which had been buried for years cos i had been kind of numb from his abuse.
its up to you but i wouldnt get involved or stay with a bi-polar man again..life's too short!
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (7 September 2012):
 You either want to be with someone who is bi-polar and clearly has episodes with controlling himself or you don't. Really, it is that simple. If you want to deal with this issue for the remainder of your life, then you want to be with him. If you want someone who is more of an equal to you, someone you do not have to make excuses for, someone who can be a man for you, someone who will consistently treat you with respect and care, and someone who will not be a "work-in-progress" for you then you need to break up with him. I know some will likely disagree with this, but honestly, I am not too good about having to mother the men I date. I already expect them to be men. Yes, we all have issues, but dealing with a man who is bi-polar who won't help himself is something I will not do. I do not like to have to mother, medicate, finance, or provide anything else for the men in my life. You shouldn't either.
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