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female
,
anonymous
writes: This question is for all the males. and I want a very honest answer if I can get one.I am 34 years old and my husband is 40. We've been married for 15 years this June. When I first met him, we were VERY sexually active. I was only 17. Of course it leveled out. Only about 5 or 6 years ago did I start finding some things out about him that I didn't like. I found some hard core porn mags in his truck, and a couple of movies. He would always say they were his worker's movies and not his. I guess I was in hoping it was true. Then about 1 month ago I found a very explicit letter he typed that talked about sex and dildo's extra. He said he doesn't remember why he wrote it, but he did feel bad about it and swears he's never cheated. a little backround. my husband is very attractive and I think im cute. sounds funny even funnier writing that! anyway my husband is a boob man. I wear a 36D normally. now I am a 36F, due to me breasfeeding. Im 5'2 and weigh about 118. No, I am not interested in sex as much as my husband is, if it were up to him we would do it 5 times a day. It is more like 2x a wk. Especially since I have a 3 year old and a 4 month old right now. Im tired a lot. I do not have a problem with him masturbating BUT What if he takes naked pics of himself with a large dildo on??????? I found these pics today, along with a woman giving oral sex... Not to be to explicit, Whatever my husband wants to do in the bedroom, I'm bascially ok with, He is VERY kinky, but not so kinky that he would ask another person to be involved or wips and chains etc. BUt what is with the naked pics of himself?????What the *^*** is that!! and the other woman.. Ive found porn on our computer before and told him that it bothers me.I think im a pretty attractive person, so why does he feel the need to do this, especially since he knows it bothers me.Also, why does he have to be kinky ALLLLL the time we have sex. To me half of the time is ok, but not all the time. I feel just like a sex object and that he has no respect for me. I'm wondering if he is cheating and if the porn can eventually lead to this... If any males have some insight to my madness, please respond, I would like to understand what the heck is going on, and if I do need to re-think my life with him.Thank you...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2006): well ur husband sounds like he is just using u now im only 14 and i no i would have got rid of him
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question***UPDATE*** I talked to my husband about this. He said that the reason why he took pics of himself like that is because He feel inadequate as to his "size" and he was fantasting a little that he was "bigger". He said he took the pics himself. I still find it very gross... I never make him feel this way, I have no complaints what so ever. As far as the porn goes, He told me that he only looks at it once in awhile, and that its when Im not "in the mood".. and it has nothing to do with him. He's does want me to watch some "movies" with him, but Im just not into that. He said it was ok and that he loves me and that the porn in no way is a replacement of me. So I guess I'm ok with it, I told him just to be more descreet about it... he said no problem and reassured me that it's only in a great while that he even looks at it.. So there you have it. Its not worth getting in a big fight with him about it as long as our sex life doesn't change and he still wants me like he says, i'm just going to let it go. Thanks to all who answered, much appreciated.
Blessed be!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2006): Kinky is OK in a good relationship but not all the time as you say occasionally you have to "make love". The mags are not a problem as he obviously has a higher sex drive and will need them to help relieve himself so do not worry. But I would be concerned about the pictures and you need to get to the bottom of this. It would be nicer if he admitted the truth about the magazines and videos being his then you would know you could trust his answers. At least you know he still likes you and you do still sound very attractive and he wants to make love to you or at least have sex so at leats be positive about that.
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A
female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell  +, writes (13 April 2006):
 Dear Reader,
I think you should sit your Hubbie down and talk to him, tell him no lies or you are walking straight out of that door. Tell him everything you just told me and show no weaknesses. Don't be frim enough to start and argument but don't take it lightly either. Try and work things out and DON'T jump to conclusions before he's said all he has to say.
All The best Soul Sista
Phoebe xxx
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A
female
reader, Italie +, writes (13 April 2006):
 I dont think that the kinkyness and porn necessarily leads to cheating. If he is able to express himself how he wants then I dont see why he would go elsewhere for it. The thing that would concern me is the pictures. Did he take the picture of the naked woman and who was taking the picture of him? If it is obvious that he was with the woman while the pictures were taken then that says it all and you must rethink your position. Im not sure if you meant the pictures were taken in the same setting or whether they were taken at different times.I think the fact that he is making you feel this bad about things and is unwilling to change says a lot and you should sit down with him and state the facts, things you are willing to tolerate and things you wont. If he does not respect you enough to take notice of your feelings then you should think about moving on.Just my opinion, I'm sure others will have a more tolerant approach but I think life is too short to get stressed about things like this. You will drive yourself crazy constantly going over and over it in your head so you need to think about what will make you happy and content go for that.Good luck xx
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