A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hello. i am currently in a relationship which seems fine... and nothing seems to go to wrong and not many arguments are had. but i have a huge hang up about it. i was a virgin when i met my current girlfriend. and ... she isnt. in fact i believe that she has been with a few guys. in fact a few of which she still talks to and i must see on occasion. and i guess i just feel. ridiculously low because of it. because well i guess even me worrying about it goes to show my self esteem is low. and it isnt really that i wanna sleep with more girls. but i feel that as i haven't i feel like a lil kid. but it makes me feel so low to know she has shared intimate... and discussing experiences with numerous guys and i haven't. i just feel so crap. i love this girl but im afraid we may have met to young. i am ment to be moving in with her and she has her hopes on being together forever. an im not sure i can do that, giving that this feeling does not subside.
View related questions:
her past, insecure, self esteem Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, yazanco  +, writes (22 March 2011):
Take your time man, i never trust women, why is she contacting her exes, she still has something for them i am sure.
Maybe trying to ignite something so she can have something like if you understand what i mean.
you should feel too low, coz if i were you, i would have felt the same.
Say to her, and be serious, whether she has to choose you or keep contacting her exes, she might say i wont anymore, dont trust her, observe her actions too closely, she might do it secretly.
Never trust girls who look suspicious this is my slogan.
A
female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (22 March 2011):
 Hi,
You shouldn't judge your girlfriend, worry about the past, the guys she has been intimate with. That was her past! She didn't know you..
Just like you, she probably did because she thought she was in love w/the guy or guys just like you..doesn't mean she's anything..
I understand & respect how you're feeling. Its ok to feel this way, its normal, but you're wrong.. I know its hard to control your mind, let go of these thoughts, etc, but push yourself to because its a waste of time.
You're a very young man, in the beginning of relationships, 1st sex, feelings, love, everything is very new to you, but you'll learn & keep learning until the day you die.. Even when people are old, married they're still learning..
1st love is cute, just relax, enjoy your time w/ur girlfriend, have a good time & be happy!
I am older & wiser than you, had many 1st loves..LOL :-) Of course, you wish you & ur girlfriend were each other first, because she's ur first love..don't be hurt, because life will not always be the way u want. just be happy!
Ps: I hope the best for the both of you, just remember, ur not virgin anymore either right?, imagine if ur next (per say) gf feels stress or jealous of ur past relationships? Doesn't make sense right??
Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 March 2011):
 First off, tell her you are not ready to move on so fast in the relationship. Especially as she is your first, you want to take things slow and feel comfortable with everything. She should understand that.
You said these feelings are because of you having low self esteem. Then the only solution is that you work on that self esteem. Perhaps all you need is more time to get confident with yourself in a relationship, the new role you have, build up some more trust in your girlfriend etc. Perhaps that's all you need, more time.
But, in order for this to get better you have to work on yourself. If you feel low, do something about it. Start thinking positive things, talk yourself up, believe in yourself. Find the way that works for you to get to the point where you want to be: confident.
Usually, what helps is time and patience. When your girlfriend is pushing for commitment, and you are not ready, things can easily go downhill. You will get stressed, nervous, worries, and all the bad and negative thoughts come back. So take it slow, and take your time to figure out how to deal with this, and what is right for you.
This might be the one for you, but there is no need to rush with moving in together. She is obviously head over heels for you, but taking it slow doesn't mean you don't love her, or want her. Tell her that as well. Everything to it's right time. If a relationship isn't ready for it, you must not push it. It will come there by itself when the people involved are ready.
...............................
|
