A
male
age
36-40,
*personinlondon
writes:I'm 20 and I've been going out with my girlfriend for almost 2 years. We've been living together for 9 months. Last week we were both talking about previous relationships and flings when we got on the subject of the last person we'd slept with before we met. I hadn't slept with anyone for 6 months before we met. She had told me before that she had split up with her previous boyfriend a few months before we met. She seemed a bit nervous when we were talking and eventually i pressured her into admitting that she had slept with him after we met but before we starting going out. She also admitted trying to phone him a week after we had started going out because she still wanted to be with him. I know it was a long time ago and she hasn't done anything particularly bad, but it upset me to find out she'd lied to me and ruined my memories of the start of our relationship. Also, I am certain that if she had managed to contact her ex she would have slept with him. I feel like I can't trust her any more and its undermined my confidence in our relationship. I didn't think she'd ever cheat on me but I don't feel so sure now. I can't understand why she couldn't tell me about this earlier. Am I overreacting?
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female
reader, hails +, writes (27 February 2007):
 its not easy to let go of the past, but thats what he is now, her past, she chose to be with you so that must mean something. mayb she just neede that last fone call to make her realise it wr you she wanted
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (27 February 2007):
 Listen, when we're in a new realtionship we don't open up with both barrels blazing at the beginning. You'd scare the other person off. She hardly knew you in the beginning and she did exist before you met. So, considering she did exist before you, she also had feelings and experiences. Also, her feelings and experiences for the other guy were probably a bigger part of her emotional make up than yours and what you brought to the table at that time. Just because you defined the realtionship as "from the moment you met", doesnt'mean she did. Those were your expectations and lets face it, when you're in love, you want to believe everything nice.
The good news. She had to make a choice. She chose you. This indicates she though, debated and you won. You have memories that are not realistic but enjoyable. You put her in a corner by pressuring her to tell you things taht were not your business. She didn't lie and now you want to punish her but labelling her as someone not to be trusted. You'd better stop before she decides she made the werong choice when she chose you.
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A
female
reader, nicola79 +, writes (27 February 2007):
 I do understand how you are feeling,but you are right it is the past and she is with you.
Maybe if she got intouch they could have slept together but it didnt happen. You cant keep thinking what if? otherwise you will end up hating eachother my love. She could have rung him many times, but she hasnt because she wants to be with you.
Please try and forget it now and carry on with your relationship and love eachother flower. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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