A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Regretfully, I snooped on my girlfriend's emails to either confirm or deny some suspicions. I found out she had lied to me about seeing a particular guy I had specifically questioned her about a while ago. She even made me believe her lies. But now I know the truth I feel very hurt. We weren't exclusive at the time, but it has upset me. I know trust must exist in a relationship, and we've both broken that in some way.There was also some email flirting with other guys. She hasn't done it in a few months as her feelings for me have become more serious. She is generally a sweet girl and is probably lying to protect my feelings, but I get hurt easily and am not sure if I can forgive and forget.The question is, should I confront her about this and pretty much doom our relationship, or find it in my heart to forgive her? Very confused.
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male
reader, TotalClarity +, writes (23 December 2009):
Everybody lies. You, no doubt, lie to her about who you are, where you're going.
But there's a difference between lying and real duplicity. It doesn't matter that you've seen her emails. No one owes anyone a 'privacy' obligation when you're being lied to to your face.
You have to dump this woman immediately. You can choose to tell her the reason or just do it.
The kind of person she is -- she just isn't worth bothering with.
A
male
reader, Mr.Insignificant  +, writes (13 May 2009):
 I think the real issue is that you had a suspicion that had to be confirmed. There must have been some reason why you were suspicious which lead you to make the fateful decision to investigate further. I bet you are wondering what else she has lied about to you.
You are hurt that she lied to you; you not telling her of your trespass is a violation of the very moral that has hurt you. Yes, you should confront her about it and explain calmly how it makes you feel. If you don't, will you be able to respect yourself?
What the two of you need to figure out together afterwards is if you can trust one another again.
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A
male
reader, sinclair +, writes (29 January 2009):
The main problem here s that you looked at her private email. You violated a trust, and now have information you can't really use. I know many people in relationships sneak looks at their partners emails, texts, etc. I did this to my ex after she cheated on me and found out she was lying about her contact with ex's. I didn't directly confront her on it becuse I didn't want to let her know I had stooped to that level. I just realized that she was untrustworthy-and eventually we broke up. Its not that she owed you an explanation, but when you asked her she lied about it.
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A
male
reader, heiache +, writes (27 January 2009):
 hey man im in the same boat you need to comfort her dont beg it will just piss her off if she says we need to space away tell her "ok, but atleast let be be a friend" cuz thats what she needs you know the saying"friends stick better than anyone else" well if not its true if you realy love her than just do what she says just never walk away no matter how long it takes im i guess what you can call a love guru in the making im 20 years old and i already understand things that would take others decades to understand but yes keep in mind of what i said and if your not already back with her already then soon you will trust me
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A
male
reader, heiache +, writes (27 January 2009):
hey man im in the same boat you need to comfort her dont beg it will just piss her off if she says we need to space away tell her "ok, but atleast let be be a friend" cuz thats what she needs you know the saying"friends stick better than anyone else" well if not its true if you realy love her than just do what she says just never walk away no matter how long it takes im i guess what you can call a love guru in the making im 20 years old and i already understand things that would take others decades to understand but yes keep in mind of what i said and if your not already back with her already then soon you will trust me
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (26 February 2008):
 Hi,
you only have to look at the plethora of posts we get here with jealous boyfriends/husbands obsessed by their partners past lovers , so it's no wonder a lot of girls will tell a white lie to cover up sexual relations in the past. And lets face it you say yourself you are easily hurt, so what on earth would she have to gain from telling you about a dalliance she had while you two weren't exclusive? It's a no brainer to me.
But you are right about one thing, if you confront her it will probably be over between you two ( you have betrayed her trust by spying on her which a lot of people will see as unforgiveable), but if you can't get it out of your head its probably best to let her meet someone else and you can try and sort out your issues as a single guy before recommiting to someone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): I think you have more or less answered your own question. You say you would get upset by stuff so she had just decided not to tell you rather than upset you. If you are closer now then explain how you feel and talk to her about it. You have to be open and honest in a relationship at all times, or it doesnt work. Just talk to her and i am sure she will be ok.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, speedcat +, writes (25 February 2008):
Well you wernt exclusive so maybe she lied because she didnt wanna hurt you. Maybe she figured why tell him only to make him upset? If this behavior has stopped then you should put it behind you. If you are exclusive now and questioning her about her actions, well that is different confront her. But if you are content then forget it put it behind you. good luck.
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A
female
reader, Lucy2118 +, writes (25 February 2008):
 I think you should ask her again and if she lies again, confront her. If she cares about you the way you say she does she'll be mad for a while but let her cool off for a while, she'll want to solve the problem as much as you do. You both need to talk about this otherwise the problem will get bigger. Hope that helps :). X
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): If she hasn't been seeing/ emailing other guys for some time now and you believe it is a result of her growing affection for you then you are going to have to deal with this by trying to forget. If she is worth it, you'll do it! Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (25 February 2008):
 The only person who don't tell a lie is GOD!!!!!!!
Don't be too judgmental of her.
Sometimes , you have to tell a white lie to make a person happy or we don't want to hurt them.
If you confront her, it means that you have been snooping on her and that is a worse sin than telling a lie.
It could also mean that her love for you would flew out the window.
The best strategy is to keep quiet and whatever she tells you , you will have to filter it and find the truth behind it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): Well, I have been here done that so I feel uniquely qualified to answer your questions...
First off is it really true that you were non exclusive when she was seeing this other guy and lying about it? If so, let it go.....she was trying to protect your feelings not to play you, but to keep you......and if you are now exclusive and it has been several months since she has seen him then you have your answer, she is being faithful to you.
If you admit to viewing her emails, then she will not trust you anymore, so don't admit to this ever, ever...and don't do it again, unless you absolutely think she is cheating...and be prepared to walk away from the relationship....if you can't trust her, if your gut is telling you can't then listen to your gut, she isn't the right girl for you, and no you are not too sensitive and get your feeling easily hurt, feelings are what they are and you are responsible for them....and how you handle them...if you cannot trust this girl, if you think your love for her is greater than hers for you, then find someone else, don't put yourself through this agony of checking, if you can't stop checking then there is something WRONG WITH THE RELATIONSHIP that either needs to be worked out or a decision needs to be made that it is not working....OK?
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