A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My partner and I have been together for four and a half years. Since the middle of our sophomore year of college. We started at the same graduate school last year and I'm planning on finishing with my Master's in Education while she wants to go on to her PhD in Medicine. That's all fine and dandy, but then I found out she cheated on me a year ago with another woman.I know it's been a year now and I noticed she became a lot more involved in my life than she was in the three and a half years we were together already. But finding all this out now and I could currently be with someone who would never cheat on me. I mean, how can I know that she hasn't cheated before? Hasn't lied before? I'm confused and hurt but it's been a year. Should I just get over this?
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male
reader, Your friend  +, writes (27 August 2009):
 Your lucky she cheated on you, it helped her realise she made a mistake and it brought her closer to you and created a closer relationship,
A
male
reader, bouncer  +, writes (27 August 2009):
Count yourself (LUCKY) that you are not married to this cheater.I have just discovered that my wife of over twenty years have recently had an affair and it has destroyed our family.The reason i say you are lucky is that you now have a chance to walk away from this cheater and meet someone who will not stab you in the back. Belive me it is a million times harder if you are married with children to walk away. Do yourself a favour and get her out of your life. Anyone that can lie and cheat on you could NEVER be your soulmate
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (27 August 2009):
 Fact is ....YOU CANT BE SURE!Two things...she cheated on you, and lied by keeping it a secret.Just be glad you found out now instead of finding out after perhaps having a civil union, or having a mortgage or having a family...etc.Sadly, what you have to realize is that most likely you will never know the truth. what you are getting now from her is bits and pieces. she will say "I didnt want to hurt you" or even worse "It didnt mean anything".You need to think real hard about a future with her. Because now you know what she is capable of, and you obviously don't know if this was a one time thing(it rarely is).so with that being said my suggestion to you is to find someone who loves you for you. For cheating is never a mistake. It is a conscious, selfish choice made by someone without any regard for their significant other.The Curb...find the nearest one and kick her sorry ass to it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009): My dear, Obviously you are conflicted and the one thing that you CAN'T DO for certain is continue to let your concerns wallow so deep inside of you it not only ruins your relationship, but also your self-assurance and peace of mind for years to come. Betrayal is something that is rarely forgiven in monogamous committed relationships, because the open and mutually reliant nature of these relationships often can't sustain such deep blow. Still, you have given your lover this chance and she has done right by you ever since to show her appreciation for the depth of your love, something perhaps that she found out the hard way and most likely does not want to lose again. To forgive betrayal is one great sacrifice and the depth of someone's love can only be measured by the magnitude of that sacrifice. I am sure she has realized this, nevertheless, you should broach the subject of your fear and uncertainties and a talk as intimate as this will give you insight on hers as well. Good luck!
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