A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So last week my boyfriend and I were sitting on the couch and he had his laptop. He signed into his email and plainly let me see his password. To tonight I decide to be nosey and just look in his email. I'm really paranoid about the things his ex has been sending him lately. Well come to find out, today he sent her a video that he made especially for ME of him j/off!! what the hell??? I am pissed. Do I confront him for it even though he'll get onto me about looking in his email? or do I let it slide? We've been together a year, his ex and him have been apart for almost 2 years, what gives??? I recently posted about finding nude pics he sent back in June to himself of her. I am shaking cause I am soooo pissed!! What do I do??
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female
reader, shaashiie +, writes (11 November 2008):
 Yes, you may have a future with him because you're probably one of the few females who would put up his crap. Of course he's going to keep you if you keep letting him do this kind of stuff behind your back! You need to leave him. He is not fully invested into your relationship, he has feelings for her and nothing YOU can do will stop this. That's all on his end and you need to break up with him. Maybe one day he will eventually get over her and you can be with him but I hope you realize you do not mean as much to him as he means to you. If you did he wouldn't be doing what he is doing at all. Please do yourself a favor and move on or you're just in for even more pain.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (11 November 2008):
 Jeese Louise, how much more crap are you going to take? You certainly are a glutton for punishment. And by the way you would be paranoid if you were only FEARING he was sending naked pictures to his ex, you've seen the proof.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni just dont understand though! i mean, he tells me and his friends tell me all the time how much happier he is with me. he even gave me a diamond only 2 months into our relationship (yes its real) his friends have told me that she treated him really badly and cheated on him 4 times, yet he took her back every time. when i find these "sexual favors" via email, i really feel that she gave him better sex than i ever will. we had an issue with porn (he would leave evidence laying around the house and i would be very hurt) now after the porn AND the 3 incidneces invovling pics and videos of his ex and where he sent the vid of himself yesterday, it really makes me feel disrespected. i could really see a future with him, but this just throws doubts every which way. i want to stay with him i really do! and i just read an article from http://asiancemagazine.com/aug_2007/when_your_boyfriend_thinks_he_s_over_his_ex i hate being so paranoid argh!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2008): You were wrong to snoop in his personal e-mail, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't act on what you found. Dump him and tell him why you did it; maybe he'll learn from it and treat his next gf with more respect. And in the future, resist the urge to invade other people's privacy...because when it comes down to it, that's what you were doing, whether or not your fears were valid.
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A
female
reader, jinxx  +, writes (11 November 2008):
 Dump him. If you let things slide, he's going to think he can get away with anything and you'll continue to be his doormat.
Stick up for yourself, and find someone that will treat you with the respect you deserve.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok so i've hinted strongly about what i have found, but i have not come right out and said it yet. many times before (even woth other boyfriends) i've been told that my hinting can make one very uncomfortable and feel very guilty (maybe it's my way with words? heck the opportunity comes up every single time!!!). my poor boyfriend is sweating bullets right now! lol so if he doesnt come clean within about a week (like he normally does) then i'm just comin right out and tellin what my boundaries are and how he has crossed them!!! i will not tolerate such childish behavior!!
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A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (11 November 2008):
 If she isn't out of the picture you will have many heartaches to look forward to. I know from experience that men don't like to let go of previous women as well as collect new women.
If you leave him now and don't even tell him about the email, you are doing yourself a huge favor and teaching him that he will loose what he does not take care of.
Tell him that you know he is still in contact with his ex and if he demands an explanation, tell him he isn't worthy of one word out of you. Something like that, but try to keep it all calm so that a lot of yelling doesn't happen.
Men have to learn that they have to respect women or they loose you. If you stay, you teach him he can get away with anything. Maybe its not so bad to say you saw the email, that he might have left it up when you were using the computer?
GOOD LUCK!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2008): I think you need to let him know,but not just yet see what else you can find out frist,if you have a chance check he trash mail,you should be able to find every thing there if it is not deleted all the way.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2008): Wow, with all the new technology available anyone can be a pornstar! Frankly, this is just immature self ingratiating behavior. This guy is at the maturity level of a 12 year old impressed with his new found "toy". This is a masturbation fantasy and little else.
Do you really need this boy? Go out and find yourself a man....what is the boy becomes the man....what a 15 year old is, is a good indication of the man he will be.
Dump this loser now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2008): I think you have a problem, here, in your relationship and with your bf. He's a lousey cheat. You have a bf who basically is having a game of 'foreplay' with his ex gf. He's giving her 'erotic memories and trophies' of himself, to gain her re-interest. And he's enjoying every second of it. I am so sorry. I really am as I know how it must hurt. Trust is absolute...it's the foundation of all good, quality relationship. If you don't have trust you have really... nothing. The trust here is shattered. So I have to say, it's time to be strong and realistic, here. Try hard not follow your heart-this is the time use your rationale and your head too.. People become blinded to little 'niggling' things in a relationship when they follow that ole 'follow your heart' thing too much. They overlook character traits in their partners that can come back and bite them in the butt. It sounds like your bf is lookin' to hook up with the ex gf. And even if he said that what he did was for fun and to think nothing of it...he displayed blatant disrespect to you because his email shenanigans are a formn iof cheating.
Frankly, I think you need to get him out of your life. Because if he's doing this with her, he doesn't deserve you and I hope you aren't the kind of girl, who wants to be the ever-long suffering gf, who gets hurt but does nothing about it and he will keep doing it. You could talk to him and let him know what he's about to lose if he doesn't stop his email shenanigans. But will that 'heal' the pain you feel...will you ever trust him again? My advice: He's selfishly playing you...tell him you are moving on. Because he's fantasizing about her...and I can imagine how pained you are over this latest fiasco of his. Keep you head up, retain your self-respect and get out of this. Again, I am so sorry...but believe that you can do better than this guy...who needs this grief!? Take care and my heart is with you, hun.
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A
male
reader, wickyricky  +, writes (11 November 2008):
hey hope your ok to be honest with you i would just say to him listen whats going on why you sending and reciving pic and vids to other people specialy your x your just going to have to ask him is there anything going on between them i no u probely dont no what to do ..just ask him and if he says you shudnt be going threw my mail just tell him to shut up if he loved you and respected you he wouldnt be sending them if i was you see what he says but personally i would look 4 sum 1 that respects you more ..let me know what hapens in case you want advice dont worry we will sort this out
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A
female
reader, shaashiie +, writes (11 November 2008):
Get rid of him. It may hurt to hear but he is not committed to you. He should know this is something that would hurt you (it would hurt ANYONE in a relationship) and he shouldn't have even considered it. And if he did consider it he should have known NOT to do it. And I will say it again: get rid of him. He's done it before by sending naked pictures of himself to her and now he's done this. Obviously he is not going to change so don't wait for him and get your heart broken in the meantime. You deserve better!!!!!
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