A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I been with my bf for 4 months. I love him more than anything, supported him through everything, helped him a little through his financial problems. Anyway, I kinda always been a jealous gf but never checked through his personal things.(I see him once a week because of 2 hr. distance). Until a few days ago, I felt a strong urge to look through his cell. While he was taking a nap, I thought it was a good time to check it. I took his cell with me to the bathroom and I looked through his text messages. I was shocked to read what I saw. There were 2 conversations with 2 different girls. I remember words saying back and forth "I love you", "I love you too babe", "Call me when you get home safe because I care about you", and "I love you and nothing in the world will ever change that". I was in complete shock. Someone that you thought you knew turns out to be a complete liar who betrayed you. I woke him up and asked him if he was cheating on me and he quickly replied "What?! No!". Then I showed him the cell phone and he got upset at me first for looking through his cell. Then when I cried frantically, he apologized and begged for me not to leave him. He wouldn't let me leave and he cried. I asked him to tell me where he met them. He told me that he never met them in person but that he met them on a social networking website and exchanged #'s. He said it was suppose to be for "business" but then it got to that level but that he never met them in person. Whether he met them, was physical with them or not that's still cheating! Those words, the conversations that they carried behind my back, how could he hurt me like that? Especially since I live 2 hours away and most of our relationship is through phone. Now I am going to be more paranoid when he's not with me in person. He is begging me to take him back and that he swore he will never do that again. He said it was stupid that he let it get to that level. But I don't understand how they say "I love you to each other". How long have they been speaking? He said it was a few weeks but I douibt it and it's not just with 1 girl it's with 2 different girls! He deleted his myspace and other social websites for me. But it's still not going to change anything. He keeps reassuring me that he wont talk to them or any girls again. He said he can't imagine his life without me and to give him a another chance. He told me that I should take him back and that I shouldn't just throw it away. Actually he's throwing it away not me. I loved him and never did anything like that. If anything it is his fault. I been a good girlfriend. Should I give our relationship a break? I love him so much but he really hurt me so bad. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2009): Please do not take him back. He is a cheater and a great liar. Ask you can you believe in a liar after you know he lies to you? He is selfish jerk and no respect for you.
He obviously does not love you as you love him. If he loves you he will not cheat on you and lie to you.
He cheats with 2 different girls so I can imagine how bad he is. He is dog and heartless.
Leave him and never look back. Do not believe his words. I have been cheated on, so I know very clear what is your pain and hurt now.
You will be OK after a while. Time will heal your broken heart. Do not waste your time with a cheater, feel amazing when you found out what kind of person he is.
A
female
reader, Sunflower1969  +, writes (27 November 2009):
Sounds bad, he wouldn't admit anything and then even though you have "evidence" of something going on he still tries to lie. I'd say leave him, he's not worth any more of your time. I've been through the same and the lies will just get more clever once he knows you caught him out and he will learn to cover his tracks. You deserve better!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2009): Listen, I as a 21 yr old have made a lot of really bad choices in my life. When I was younger I had the most amazing girlfriend, and I messed it up really bad by talking to other girls on the internet. Listening to your story reminds me of what I did. I can tell you, unless he's gone through a life changing experience, he hasn't changed at all. He's probably already made up an excuse to his "girls" as to why he hasn't been talking to them. Broken phone, out of town, business. And out of all honesty, he was probably with them before he was with you, considering the fact that you've only been with him for four months. The thing about talking with girls like "that" on the internet. It becomes an addiction, for him it probably provides some kind of fulfillment which truly means he needs some mental help as well. I would dig deeper into finding out whether or not he really has changed or not. If you find that truly he has changed. Then he has laid down a very hard addiction to prove his love to you. I think that shows courage. But you have to be 100% sure, I would personally, check his internet browsing history, and his cookies. And if at all possible, a phone bill. But above all those things, no woman deserves to be treated like that, seriously, you can do better, you can find a guy that will love you 100% and never look back. It's up to you. Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (23 November 2009):
 Thinking about the situation, there are many factors that give the red flag, meaning that you shouldn't take him back. The fact that you guys have only been together for four months, and he has already been caught cheating is not a good sign. I mean the first few months are supposed to be that happy go luck puppy love phase, and you two aren't supposed to get enough each other and all that other stereotypical stuff that's associated with puppy love! And he is already showing signs of betraying your trust. Now I'd understand if you found something on his phone and this 'love' stuff was one sided and only she was saying it. And he was ignoring it and not responding. But he was saying things like 'i love you too', which is a big sign of really suspicious behavior. Four months and he is already betraying trust? Big no-no.
The fact that he continued to lie after he was caught is another big no-no. And that he was upset because you were looking through his phone. There was one point where I thought I saw suspicious messages on my boyfriend's phone, and he never got upset with me over it. He simply sat me down and explained everything. Never got upset with me once and never blamed me for any of it. He showed me tangible evidence to support what he was explaining, and that was it. People who are truly guilty either deny or shift the blame on someone else. They don't accept responsibility, and for all you know, what he is saying about never meeting those girls could be a lie.
The third nail in the coffin is that he is still dumping all this on you. The fact that he is stating that you shouldn't 'throw all this away' is just another reason why he is immature and still not taking responsibility for what he has done. HE is the one that threw all this away by not staying loyal to you. If this does end, it is HIS fault. How much are you supposed to put up with? Really? In the future, I think things will only become worse for you two and trust. The fact that he isn't owning up and still kind of shifting the blame is a bad sign. I would dump him and move on, and be thankful that you two only spent four months with each other instead of four years. All the best of luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2009): he has shown you already that he is not committed. whether you stay with him or not is entirely based on what you want from your relationship with him. If you are looking for commitment and eventually marriage then he is not the one for you, but, if you are looking for someone who is with you for now but also checking out other people incase something better comes along then he will do.
you have been warned.
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