A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I am a newly divorced lady and I'm in a relationship with a man who is 8 years younger than me. Its a fairly new relationshi (3 months) and when I got involved with the man,he gave me the impression that his relationship with the baby mama is a thing of the past. After a month, I started suspecting that he was being economical with the truth. I had a talk with him again and asked if there was nothing official between him and baby mama and that is when he told me that they have recently gotten married (some weeks before we met). I also learnt from him that the wife is pregnant (about 4 months now)which was a shock to me as well.I never thought I would find myself in this situation. All along I was okay with our relationship because I thought I was involved with a single man. When I learnt of the fact that he is a married guy, I told him in no uncertain terms that our relationship will have to end because I don't get involved with married men. He categorically stated that his marriage has nothing to do with our relation and he sees no problem with us continuing with it. He told me that he would not accept his being married as a reason for me ending our relationship. I must say that I felt instantly attracted to this guy the moment we met and he said he felt the spark instantly. As we got to know each other, I realised we have so much more in common.I have been trying to end things with him but it has not been easy. I initiate no contact but then once he calls I find myself talking to him again and spending time with him. He tells me he is in love with me and he will never end our relationship. He said he realises that he is cheating on his wife but he can not deny what he feels for me as well.I want to do the right thing and end this relationship but I am finding it very difficult to maintain no contact. I have not initiated contact since Sunday but on Monday he did call and text and I found myself entertaining him again. I have made a decision in my heart that I will end it for real this time but I have not told him yet. I would appreciate any advice I can get on this issue I am faced with. I'm trying so hard to cut him off but it is very tough because of the way I feel about him. I miss him so much but so far I'm resisting the urge to contact him but its hard. Please help.
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (20 March 2013):
 "He categorically stated that his marriage has nothing to do with our relation(ship)"And when he gets caught, he'll tell his wife that you mean nothing to him, that it was just sex and that it has nothing to do with the marriage.He's using you. He despises you. He objectifies you, and every word out of his mouth is as worthless as he is.You think he's actually in love with you? He's in love with himself. He wants to put his penis in you...you might as well be a blow-up doll when he casts you aside and lies to his wife about how meaningless you are.Tell him you'll tell his wife if you see him again. To stay with him means you think you're as meaningless as he does.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 March 2013):
 His marriage has nothing to do with your relationship? DOES HIS WIFE feel this way???
YOU can easily end this.
DO NOT take his calls
Do not answer his texts
Do not go to see him
Do not email him
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO TELL HIM.. just delete and block his email, his phone numbers and block him on any social media.
DO NOT respond to him at all.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 March 2013):
 The only way to deal with slick talkers if you have trouble setting boundaries is to stop listening to them.
Do not respond when he calls or texts. Change your number if you need to, to get a fresh start.
You don't have a lot in common with a lying cheat, actually he's just really good at manipulating you into believing having sex with him is inevitable.
Put a friend on call to act as your lifeline. Replace his number in your phone with her number, so when you are tempted to text or call him, you are actually texting or calling her. She can then talk you down from whatever fantasy you've created that day.
Draw boundaries. Enforce them. It isn't difficult. Sorry you got ensnared by a conman but it's time to cut the silken bonds he's wrapped around your logical self.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 March 2013):
 You write: "He categorically stated that his marriage has nothing to do with our relation and he sees no problem with us continuing with it. He told me that he would not accept his being married as a reason for me ending our relationship.."
WHO is in charge of your life? YOU? ... or this cad?
You know what is the right thing to do.... so do it....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (20 March 2013):
With respect this man deserves Neither you or his wife .Please be strong and use your head and tell this man you do not wish to see him again because it will only bring you heartache and hurt.There is only ONE person he loves and that is HIMSELF.He has openly now admitted to you that he tells lies and is a cheat on a wife of a few weeks I WISH YOU SO WELL AND HOPE THAT YOU WILL MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION FOR YOU.Best Wishes Nora B.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (20 March 2013):
 The easiest way to cut him off is to contact your phone provider and ask them to block his number from contacting you. That way he cant call you again so you cant give in to him anymore.
You know ending it is the right thing to do, it is not fair to his wife and to his child that he is living a secret life behind their backs. Dont allow yourself to be used by this man, he is a liar and a cheat and you can do a lot better.
Imagine if you were the wife and how devastated you would be to find out your husband was cheating whilst you were pregnant - it is disgusting what he is doing, he is a horrible man with no morals and no respect for anyone in his life.
Stay strong and get rid of him once and for all - you deserve a lot better than this jerk.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2013): Next time he tells you that he will not accept you breaking things off with him, ask him how his wife will feel about things when you confront her with the truth.
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