A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok people i have a complicated situations and i wanted peoples opinion about it. i have been dating this guy for 3 years now. i am in love with him and i feel he loves me too. This is my fist time being in love like this. i meet him at a college party the ending semeter of my freshmen year. we had been talking a for about a year on and off before i gave him a chance. he would tell me he want to be with him and i said no no no no no. so i gave him a chance. Being in a relationship with him i learned he's patient, he's a clean guy, he can cook, he has peoples skills (i mean he can talk to anybody and relate with them), he's romantic,he can be affectionate, he's not shy to speak his mind, and he is emotionally stable and strong. But the grass isn't green.what I am about to say may sound extremly shallow but try to understand where i'm coming from. During the relationship with my boo i realize althought he says hes a christian, he does not attend sunday church. I realize hes not financially stable (Bad credit). I knew he had a son. But i somehow knew he was hiding something from me. i would ask him several times on different occascion if he is and he would deny. while were dating we have had several "breaks" but we always end up being together b/c i miss him and he miss me and i realize i really do care about him. but two to three months ago were talking about our challenges and he suggested that we part and go our seperates way. Then he addmitted he had a secret. that he had been married before and divorced the wife and he has two sons.I'm an educated women who is just starting out in life. finacially i'm doing ok. i mean he tells me he loves me and he wants to be with me. i love and i feel i want to be with him but i feel there are so many negatives. need i mentioned my mother does not approve him. and he tells me he want to marry and and propose to me but he's waiting on me. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (22 December 2009):
 If you were the provider. Can you really handle that? There is always one who is the bread winner in a relationship. times are changing women are becoming more prominent in the work plac these days. You mother may nit approve based on her up bringing. In her Tim it was less common for a woman to be the bread winner (main financial provider) in fact it wa likley non existent.
On the other hand, is that what you want? You may miss out on that holiday with friends, that great dress you want from the shop or the nice car you've always wanted.
You are still very young and your still setting yourself up. It's an expensive world out there and you do need to take care of yourself first and foremost.
Even if I was a heliolaterist I'd date Christians, the most important thing is we respect each others religion. We are only human. And in the end we worship the same thing. A supreme being.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks you so much for replying back people. i thought i would not get reply b/c my story was long.
my mother does not approve him b/c finacially he's not stable and she feels i will be the provider instead of him. in addition, the fact that he's not a christian.
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A
female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (22 December 2009):
 Seems a deft manoeuvre suggesting that you part ways before he spat out the big secret. He knew from the start that a potential partner might be put off by the fact he has another family to upkeep and precisely to increase his chances at a relationship he shut this up, to seem he is a nice, family-friendly guy, what he did was to purposely lie to you for three years.Don't you think he should be proud of his sons and consider them a priority in his life and not an obstacle in his relationships? Why have to sneak to see and talk to them (or talk to his ex about them) - in case he was/is interested in their fate? I don't buy it that he was riddled with guilt for all this time. I have to wonder if it's not the fact that sneaking around was being very uncomfortable what made him come out.I'm sorry this has happened to you, do you not think you can move on to a more honest and reliable partner somewhere in the future? Not many would condone such 'secret'. All the best.
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A
male
reader, Griffo +, writes (22 December 2009):
Being a christian and not going to church does not mean its a bad thing. god would respect that, and im certian he would want you to live your life as he gave it to you. Therfore live it harmoney.
Being married in the past does not mean its a bad thing, its possible he feels he is a failure and does not wish to be a failure to you, therefore feels the need to leave you to live a better life without him and these failures.
Having two boys is not a negative thing, he has helped to bring two children into the world and he loves them. Again he probably feels like a failure as a father.
But the breaking up and getting back together only because you miss each other? that's only natural to miss somebody after you break up or are away from them for a while. However once its over, its over, otherwise the relationship is an endless love roller coaster. [you get together, its all good, oneday you fight, it gets worse, and you break up again, after a while you miss each other] and then it starts again, and endless loop of love and conflict.
I dont see anything really wrong yet except for the breaking up and getting back thing cycle, or unless there is something you have not fully described.
Why does your mother not approve? Is he a 'tryhard' in her eyes?
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