A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've lived with my boyfriend for 7 months all together we've been dating for 13 months and things had been going great..we used to fight sometimes over little things but lately things had been very peaceful until we decided to visit his family in new york. we live in virginia and he only has his dad and brother here so he wanted me to meet his aunt and uncle in new york so we went...we had a good time and there he meet a friend he had in his country and they exchanged numbers and became friends on facebook...lately ive noticed hes been logging on a lot and has just been texting more than usual so i got upset and jealous he said it was me being paranoid that they are just friends so i tried to control my emotions...but two days ago his cousin in canada called him and they havent been in contact for 5 yrs. he doesnt have long distance anything on his phone so he downloaded a textfree app on his phone and its linked to his email...i noticed that he was erasing everything they said and he said its because he doesnt want me to invade his privacy but i couldnt help but go to his email and get the password to that account...not only was he texting his friend on it but he was also talking to his cousin and she treats him like she really loves him as a man...she sent him pictures and hes telling her how sexy she is and she tells him that she wishes they were'nt related cuz she wanted to be his girl and he tells her that he wishes that too and they go on and on about it...he tells her goodnight and she keeps texting him back telling him she loves him to dream with her pictures...so at that point i become upset and send her a messsage saying thanks for acting that way i had thought we could be friends...she sent me a message telling me to stop threatening her that shes gonna make me pay for what i said..at that point i told her all you did was tell him you wanted to be something more thats not what cousins say to each other...she responded saying you've made me angry tell my cousin he will never hear from me that its thanks to you and that shes gonna make sure his family hates me...i really love him and he was with me telling me to not write her anything and he saw me message her but he thinks i threatened her and erased those messages which i didnt...he told me to go to bed and ignored me and today he left to go to work and just gave me a kiss goodbye...he said that because of my jealousy i had ruined things...but i saw on his account that he wrote her acting like he didnt know what happened and she said ask her tell her to tell you all the horrible things she said to me...and he says please dont act that way i love you...i dont know what to do he doesnt like to talk things out sometimes he just stays quiet...he had told me that he wrote his friend and his cousin like that cuz its his way of getting anger towards me out...instead of fighting with me he says things to another woman and that i should forgive him...i love him and i think he loves me too but now hes putting the blame on me and his whole family is going to hate me without knowing me and theyre going to tell him to leave me:(
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cousin, exchanged numbers, facebook, I love you, jealous, long distance, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2011): Excuse me? He loves you? If he wasnt related to his cousin, he would probably be with her over you right now. He is CHEATING ON YOU WITH HIS COUSIN and then blaming the fallout on you! wtf!? that is not love. hell no.
A
female
reader, mooh  +, writes (4 November 2011):
This relationship between your bf and his cousin sounds really weird. i couldn't make out everything of the situation but im pretty sure i understood the main points. Even if checking out his personal messages crosses a line, at least you are aware of the true nature between your bf and cousin, and why your bf was behaving in a suspicious manner. i know you're in a very difficult position because you've been for quite some time with him and have shared alot but you have to make a choice: if its too hard to leave him and you still want to try to work things out, its likely that the same circus will continue (as he managed to reverse the situation and manipulate you into feeling guilty putting him in a victim position - because he knows that what he did was wrong!). it's very likely that he has very strong feelings for his cousin, and this is probably reinforced by the fact that they could never be together because of the nature of it and how it is looked upon in society, adding spice to their relationship. The whole sexy pics etc probably stemmed from some "experimentation" they did when they were younger. why didnt they have any contact for 5 years anyways ? if you are ready to stay with him then you will probably have to accept it all: and it's not likely he will change his feelings towards his cousin from one day to the next (its not a switch you can flip whenever you want). you will have to bear it all because you love him but in return does he really love you?you mention "i think he loves me too" at the very end of your post, but after over 1 year of being with someone and living with them it should be a certainty that its the case. what he did doesn't sound like he's returning the same amount of love and respect that you are to him. you're still really young with your whole life ahead of you, so im sure it wont be a problem for you to find someone else who treats you with more respect and who is more honest ! i know this is always easier to say then to do, but im sure there is someone out there who will treat you better !
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (4 November 2011):
 Your post is incredibly difficult to read due to the lack of punctuation, particularly a period (.). Please next time use one.
Anyways, so I got this straight. Your boyfriend emailed his cousin saying some incest related comments to her? She responded to them in the same way, and you found this out because you snooped on his computer. Then you send her an email telling her to back off and thus your boyfriend getting mad at you. Am I right?
Don't place the blame solely on her. Your boyfriend is at fault too. He was the one who started sending her the incestuous messages!!! So if anything you should be getting mad at him!
Even though he didn't cheat, the intention is still there. Move out and dump your boyfriend because you don't trust him at all. In order for a relationship to survive and develop you need to have trust. Take away the trust and the relationship will fail.
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A
female
reader, muso888  +, writes (4 November 2011):
He loves his cousin. As a woman. And he isn't ever going to let that go. Cousin or no cousin don't be with a guy that tells another woman he loves her. ANY OTHER WOMAN ASIDE FROM YOU. Period. If he loves you he ONLY loves you! He is effectively cheating on you, at least emotionally.
Get away from him as fast as you can!
I'm sorry I know that's not what you want to hear but you need to. Good luck!
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