A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I found gay websites in my boyfriends computer, should I confront him? My bf is a people person, very friendly and outgoing. We have been dating for a year now, he is 30 years old. A couple months ago I found gay websites on his computer and honestly I freaked out, but did not mention anything to him. I recently found gay websites on his internet explorer history, he was watching gay websites recently! Even with me in his house! There were regular porn websites also. I am so confused and scared I feel betrayed, like i dont fill his needs? Is he gay?? Another thing he seems distant to me when it comes to intimacy, I feel like I am the one who has to get things started...What should I do?
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (30 April 2008):
 Hi,
you need to clear the air with him. Visiting gay websites is not something straight men tend to do, but he may be bi-sexual. Having said that though the lack of intimacy tends to cast a doubt on potential bi-sexuality.
What is your boyfriends history, does he have a religious or a strictly moral background? He could easily be living in denial and has taken a girlfriend to make him appear normal. We see it all the time these days.
So you need to have a big talk, and don't let him be evasive, tell him you saw the gay porn sites, see what his reaction is and link it to the lack of intimacy. Tell him you fear he is gay.
You don't want to be one of these woman who wonder why they didnt act 10 years ago when their partner finally builds up the courage to come out.
Good luck, and I hope it works out for you.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (29 April 2008):
 Sometimes the right thing to do is also the most difficult thing to do. In your case, I think you should ask him whether he's gay. Straight men might visit "regular" porn websites, but not gay ones, and certainly not regularly.
And this doesn't have to do with you. You're just fine. If he is indeed gay (which seems to be the case), then he wants a man, and that you can't give him because you're a woman.
Take care.
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