A
female
 ,
*M
writes:I have just found a sexy text from another woman on my husbands phone. It was under a mans name and in his language (which I can understand) I confronted him, he claimed that he met her on the yahoo chat and gave his number cos he was bored and now shes doesnt stop txt him. I have been with my husband for nearly 8 years. met him when i was 16. last year i became pregnant , and didnt feel like having sex much. since then we have been so busy, and his mum came to stay with us for a few months after the baby was born, our sex life is non existent now. i caught him before chatting on the net with girls after the birth of the baby, i told him how much it hurt me and he promised he wouldnt do it again. then i saw a message from a girl from his country in his phone, he talked his way out of it saying its a old friend who was just checking how he was. since this insidents (6 months ago) i could not trust him much and we argued over it. Then there was another msg from a girl, i confronted him and asked him to call her in front of me on loud speaker, she said ' its me erika, he asked why you calling me? she laughed and hung up and switched off the phone. so i believed it must be some silly prank. I told him i we were to stay toguether he had to change his phone, and prove himself to me. yesterday he left his phone lying around, after i confronted him about him never leaving it. when he went to smoke outside a txt message from a guy came, I checked it as he had been distant latelly, although i promised i would try to trust him. the msg was in his language but said something like' i mis u sweetheart, am going to bed now, i miss u, or something along those lines. i called her staright away and told her i was his wife. i dont know if she understood me ( shes not english)but she hung up. he came in during the call, and started to try to talk his way out of things. in the end i told him to leave. he kept saying he hasnt done nothing wrong and am being stupid cos he couldnt have an affair with someone in a different country, am i wrong?
View related questions:
affair, sex life, text, the internet Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Knighmoves +, writes (23 July 2008):
To love someone is to trust them. If he has failed your trust then he has failed you in love *if* he does what it seems he continues to do in the way he is doing.I disagree on his interpretation of chatting and text-messages. At the same time I think there are times when a male/female friendship (or vice-versa) is exactly that. But going from what, the messages in response to whatever he sends it seems he is over-stepping the mark.I think you should face up to him and tell him that no amount of breaking sim-cards or phones is enough to prove his real feelings of how you feel. He can buy a new sim-card tomorrow and start all over again … that is, until you find out again.See how he goes, but if you find anything like he is doing starts all over again then give him the option of quitting or in telling him you will have to look at your own feelings in how he treats you. And chatting with other women on Yahoo is *not* right if it is something you don’t want him to do … he is disrespecting you! He’s wrong in how things are going for you both here; you don’t trust him because of it and he is trying to justify himself talking to women you know *nothing* about.He is wrong in having you feel this way in the first place!~F~
A
female
reader, FM +, writes (23 July 2008):
FM is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for all the replies, Yesterday when i confronted him with the txt, he actually broke his sim and phone in half claiming he wants nothing to do with her, but this was because i asked him to call her in front of me. I didnt really get a chance to see if the number was from outside the uk. he didnt want to call her in front of me because he said he was 'embarassed', leading me to think that he was to one chasing after her. today when he came to see the baby i asked him why he did it,and to tell me the truth, he says its because it made him feel good, he says he doesnt have her number anymore or her Yahoo ID, and doesnt want nothing to do with her. but how can i trust him if hes said this the last time i saw a txt on his phone or the first time i caught him chatting on the net with a girl. he wont tell me if its the same girl either. until the baby was born i had complete trust on him as he never did anything like this. i dont know what to do, he keeps saying chatting or txt is not cheating. we own a house toguether, it would be to difficult to separate. but i cant live with someone i dont trust.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (23 July 2008):
 You are experiencing half a marriage right now if you two are no longer sexually intimate. Frequency can vary throughout a marriage but having no intimacy will take it's toll on any marriage. This of course does NOT excuse his behavior but it does show that he feels something is lacking. I'd say you guys need to go to a marriage counselor and see if you can get your marriage on track. If however your husband continues with this phone and Internet nonsense then he obviously is not interested in saving his marriage and you may need to separate.
...............................
A
female
reader, Flakey  +, writes (23 July 2008):
One does not have to be intimate to cheat in a relationship so the idea he cannot cheat long distance is very wrong. Also , i need you to think about it: are you sure you are not the one he is cheating with? i.e what if he was in a relationship with the other person before he met you?
Finally , you need to work at your relationship, it is normal not to feel like having sex after you just had a baby but you need to create the atmosphere and work hard at making things work
...............................
A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (23 July 2008):
 He's not having an affair, what does he call texting other women then?. He may not be having sex with them but its still an emotional betrayal. He doesnt show any signs of stopping this either does he?. I think it were me, I would tell him to stop or its over. Why should you live your life looking over your shoulder, its not fair.
You may have to leave him for a while to prove that you mean it.
XXX
...............................
A
female
reader, Curiousbynature +, writes (23 July 2008):
Oh he could have an affair in another country. I think that is crazy. If I were you I would put some guide lines down. Why dont you just take his phone away. Or dont allow him to use text messaging. I hate those girls who text your man, and think they are doing nothing wrong. Well, most of those women they know he is married. But the person who is most at fault is your husband. You need to do something, because if you just keep catching him then fighting over it, eventually he might try and do something outside the house. Get a hold of him, lay down what you are thinking. You guys have to talk it out! Good luck! And for the baby's sake, try and work it out.
...............................
|
