A
female
age
51-59,
*pset wife
writes:i have just found a photo of a woman on my husbands phone which he had hid in his phone files when i asked him who it was he lied and after alot of shouting at him he admitted he had kissed her on a night out when he was away on a stag doo. He said he realised what he was doing and ended the kiss because he loves me and his 2 kids, but i can not get my head around why he kept the photo of her on his phone (which his brother sent him as he was on the night out aswell ) and he did admit to looking at the photo a few times after he got it why did he keep it and what should i do as i feel sooooo sick and i do not believe a word that comes out of his mouth now!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): Oh but it IS like a diary or other personal, private document; that's the whole point.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2010): The people that feel they need to bash her for looking in his phone, Stop.
Like you have never felt the need too. And yes if you feel you have to look there is something wrong with the relationship.
But to say she should be ashamed of herself, no. Its her husband and it's just his phone. not his diary or something top secret. Most women borrow or use the other persons phone sometimes. It's not a big deal.
Comes down to the pic should have never been there.
Yes there are girl nights out and you may get drunk but that does not give you the excuse to do anything.
Yes it sucks he kept the pic and he should never have kissed her even if it was at a party.
He sounds like he is being honest though, Men do stupid things sometimes without thinking about the other person.
Just keep your eyes open,
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A
female
reader, blackc  +, writes (18 January 2010):
Sometimes u get what ur lookn for! Stop snooping around. Either ur gonna trust him or ur not its as simple as that. Don't mean to sound so harsh!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2010): You do not have any right poking your nose in anybodys personal business. I can see if that was your child, you and all like yourself deserve what ever comes your way. I have never had a relationship or been with any type of person like yourself but have heard these stories, as for me, if that was to happen to me? I would be packing my things to get rid of you. Grown people deserve and have the right to experience all sorts of things, this is all a part of our roads in life and you do not and should not interfere with this.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (18 January 2010):
Neither can I. He as no excuse. If he hasn't deleted it, then he should. If he won't, then you need to have a serious talk.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (18 January 2010):
 ohhh dear. I hear you.
Is the relationship worth saving and will he grovel for it?
If you want to save the relationship, put his actions down to men's middle aged crisis, providing you believe, deep down in your heart, that it was only a kiss, because if you believe it was more, or if you find out it was more, there is no way your relationship can be rescued.
If you decide to remain in the marriage your husband has to understand this is not going to go away in a week or two. You have spent years believing in something that has been shattered in a moment.
He has lied, he has acted in a way that is totally alien to you, he is not the person you thought he was. He MUST understand this is how things are. If he tried to deny you your feelings, or to belittle them, or if he cannot see the enormous harm he has done to you, the marriage will falter and fall, if not now, sometimes a little down the track.
Professional counselling might help - but he has to put 150% of his time and effort in getting the marriage back together, if he wants it, otherwise tell him to bugger off now and save yourself further grief.
And there speaks the voice of experience.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2010): I dont know why he would keep the picture, but what I do know is that many times I think my boyfriend does stupid things with no meaning and I can't get my head around it, and it always ends up not being any hidden meaning behind it at all, it's just the way guys are. I think we women want to find meanings behind every action, when guys just do things without really thinking them through or even knowing themselves why they do what they do. Horrible I know, but thats what I have learned. Learning how to deal with these moments is what we need to do. They live with us being hysterical, we must live with them saying the most horrible things at the worst time, acting without thinking etc. I think he kissed this woman and felt bad enough about it to not continue with the act and go further. Crucify him for cheating on you. Don't go on and on about the picture, he probably didn't understand why it would be a bad idea to leave it on his phone, because men don't always think that far. Sorry for being offensive, but this is all in my own experience with men. I could be wrong.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2010): Why on earth do women do that?
The number of times we have had "I just found so-and-so on my husband's phone": it is a total invasion of privacy, just as bad as opening his personal correspondence.
Firstly you should be ashamed of yourself for looking, then doubly so for haranguing him over it.
He was away at a (likely) drunken party, so what? I dare say that when you have a girlie night out you never drink and always behave impeccably. Don't you?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2010): He shouldnt have been kissing someone or saving their picture and hiding it on his phone. And his brother doesnt sound like someone you should trust either! Also lying wasnt right. If hes going to do something like that and save her picture....atleast man up and admit to it all, not lie! Id give him hell for a week, ban him from going out drinking with his brother again, tell the whole family what they were up to. Then after a week just forget it as it was a one off....we hope....and life is too short to be miserable if you can avoid it x
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