A
female
age
51-59,
*eatedwifey
writes:I am 41 and I have been married for 6 1/2 yrs..been with my husband for 11yrs total. We have no children together..both our children are all adults. I found he was cheating on me in April so I confronted him. He lied to me that he wouldn't do it again...well he did...I kicked him out in May..we were still talking and having sex..I started seeing a guy in June. My husband told me about the mistress..from name etc...and we decided to end our affairs and be together. He told the mistress he was working out our marriage...turns out she never knew about me. In august he ended affair. .then he went back and slept with her in September. Now she is 2 months pregnant..I am devistated. She told me he wanted her to get pregnant and he admitted it..he says he was angry at the time..well he got what he asked her for...He told her he wasn't planning on leaving me for her and the affair was a mistake. ..she said she wanted an abortion so I paid $575 . Her appt is Dec4 to start abortion process...I am very angry still...because he went back to her and didn't use protection.I cry to myself. HOW do I deal or cope with this..what if she decides to have my husband's baby? I'm stuck on stupid...I don't think I could be his wife if she keeps this baby...I think I wil leave him...HELP??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2013): You need to leave this marriage. You two don't have chlildren together so you wont be bound together for life (like he now is to this mistress if she has the child). People do make mistakes, but he made them over and over again. On purpose he got this woman pregnant. He and his mistress are playing around with human life (creating it and aborting it at will). If you don't leave this marriage, he will do this to you again. We allow people to treat us the way they do. You have allowed him to treat you and your marriage in a disrespectful manner. My heart goes out to you because you are in pain and confused, but this is not a healthy relationship, and you need to show him that he was wrong, and that you would be better off alone and maybe someday you will find a person that respects you as he did not.You will never be able to fully trust him again, so unless you want to go through this all again in a few more years, I suggest you leave. Strength and love to you sister...it is always darkest before the light.
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (3 December 2013):
 I don’t think you’ll get such sympathy here for having a hand in paying for the termination of an innocent…
Even Jerry Hall knew when to call it quits and Divorced Mick Jagger after a child was produced from one of Mick Jagger’s many affairs!?
I don’t quite understand myself why it’s so hard for you to fathom leaving your husband when he’s obviously a habitual liar, cheat and someone who maliciously intended to get his mistress pregnant… I would think that be – THE END!
His influence over you appears to make you incredibly COLD about the idea of his mistress having a child born out of his affair, in that; you can’t see yourself being his wife if she keeps this baby. Yet it begs the question; how are you ‘his wife’ or ‘a wife’ regardless!?
Perhaps you, your husband are best suited for each other when you both play these games and have an equal hand in not owning up to responsibilities. It’s purely criminal that others are now victim to this adult tragedy – Soap Opera. Be they consenting adults or otherwise...
CAA
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (2 December 2013):
 Why are you still married to this louse? Is it financial dependence or something else? Don't tell me it's love, please!!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 December 2013):
 I'm with pinktopaz
I wouldn't touch him with a 40 foot pole and I CERTAINLY wouldn't stay married to him either. REGARDLESS of whether she has the baby or an abortion.
I actually feel really sorry for the girl he dated, who had no clue he was married and whom he KNOCKED up like making a baby means nothing. What a piece of SHIT you are married to. And add the fact that YOU are paying for the abortion? Sorry if that is rude, but I really can't see why ANYONE would want a man like that.
Disgusting.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (2 December 2013):
 ...and that baby isn't even going to have a life...his/her precious gift is being wiped out as an inconvienience.
Sorry but this makes me so mad!!
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (2 December 2013):
If you want to stay married to this guy then you need to prepare yourself for a lifetime of lies and mistrust.
He has typically played one against the other and even when you both found out, he let YOU pay for HER abortion?????
He is STILL lying and if not cheating with her, he will find another and another and another until you are so downtrodden, demoralised and used up...you won't even recognise yourself anymore!!
The game is over, he already treated you like shit and you forgave and took him back. Even when you were broke up with him, you were still givng him sex and companionship...he's got it all don't he!!! No wonder he can bare face lie to you and STILL talk you round. This will never stop until you stop it yourself.
Why do guys like him do it? Cos they don't care and they know they can get away with murder with women like you.
Get real with your life...how many years you got left?...Do you really want to keep on this track or give yourself a chance at some happiness by ejecting him and being strong enough to move on!
Yes it's scary going it alone...it's the wild blue yonder, the unknown, but it's infinitely better than swimming for the rest of your life in the same pool of rancid vomit that your 'relationship' is!!!
Life is a precious gift, I have no idea why some people refuse to get themselves away from 'toxic' situations and instead, choose to live it in such misery and despair...and I didn't even mention about the poor child who's about to be snuffed out because it's father is a lying cheating moron with two clueless women fighting over him like a couple of buzzards!!...poor little baby!!!
Sorry to be tough on you and not pander to your devestation, but you need a serious wake up call...Life does not go on forever!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2013): The fact you also was seeing someone (does not matter if you did it in revenge) means you have loss ALL the moral high ground.
Also if the woman didn't know about you to begin with then she is just as much as a victim as you.. More so in fact. She is now pregnant by a married man (who she probably has strong feelings for) and had to go through the ordeal of getting rid of her baby. She is the one I feel sorry for. He was mad and wanted to get her pregnant!?! She has been caught up in your marriages drama. And now on the 4th she Will pay the price.
If you and your husband has already had affairs then ready what is the point of you both being together. Cut your losses. Not because of her being pregnant but because obviously you both can not be faithful you one another.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2013): I don't think you should be his wife anymore regardless of whether she keeps his baby or not! An abortion doesn't erase what he did. He lied and stabbed you in the back multiple times so you should not stay with him anymore and never ever trust him ever again. Even if she gets the abortion his time what is to say there wont be another time? He *wanted* to get her pregnant. He will likely do this again, of not with her then someone else. He has shown that he is fully capable of lying and going back on his word and he will not hesitate to do so. This guy is dangerous and not someone that anyone should be involved with.I say its great that you are willing to pay for her abortion but regardless you need to leave him now and never look back. He has shown his true colors. Let her have him, she can deal with his lying and betrayal soon enough. Get divorced and take him to the cleaners for his repeated adulteries. Keep the receipt for his mistress's abortion. Then get on facebook and let everyone in his social network know what his true colors are.
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (2 December 2013):
I wouldn't want to be his wife even if she doesn't keep the baby.
As far as dealing or coping with this, you really need to find someone to talk to. You're not going to be looked at as "crazy" or anything like that, we all need a little help sometimes, especially when our lives are in shambles and it has somehow become a straight-up soap opera.
Look, you're probably not ever going to forget it and hold some sort of resentment. Then that'll be his excuse for when he cheats on you again. Not your fault, but apparently, that's how hubby deals with things. So if I were you, I'd get an attorney and see a therapist asap.
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