A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so i just had a huge fight with my boyfriend, we are very very serious, we've already discussed marriage.The problem with me is that i fight to get my anger out. We have been fighting for over a week now, everyday. It is always my fault and i always start the fight over the smallest things. Yesterday, he just ended everything. i dont know if its out of anger or cause he's fed up. i really dont know. He told me to move on and that i think our relationship is a game and now he's done. Its over. i havent slept the whole night, i keep breaking down. I really dont know what to do. Please help me out. should i call or email saying sorry or wait a few days? I really really love him and i know he loves me too. its my fault and i wana make it better. Please help me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone,
i dont have a major anger issues, its just i have been stressed out lately, and i took it out on him. We've been fighting for a month, or i have been for stupid reasons. and ya, as i said, he tried very hard for our relationship to work, but there's a point when you just cant take it anymore. i realize i was wrong and i will do everything in order to improve.
As for whats going on with us right now is,
I told him i am sorry and that i wont hurt him anymore.
he doesnt believe me, i understand why.
but he still loves me very much, and he is willing to try to work it out once more. He hasnt fully forgiven me yet.
He's still being kinda rude, and he's not very open with me.I guess this will take atleast a month to heal, maybe more.i am hoping he forgives me soon.
PS- i am not mad all the time. I think i gave out the wrong image. i am not crazy. i am completely normal, i just tend to get mad when i'm stressed.
Thank you everyone for your advice.
It really helped me get through yesterday.
This site is AWESOME.
=)
A
female
reader, AngellicaWaters  +, writes (17 December 2009):
 When someone breaks up with you, of course you are going to feel a sense of desperation and loss, but you should not act on those feelings.
As you have said, your behavior is what caused this situation. The only things to make us change in life are learning from the examples of others (very few people learn this way) or through experiencing loss/pain.
This is a great chance for you to learn and you are already doing that a little, you are regretting your actions and realizing that you need to change. Those are good first steps.
You mentioned that he made this decision in a second, but he didn't. I suspect he has always been the subject of your anger issues, this was just the breaking point. You caused him so much pain over time, he couldn't take it one second longer.
I would suggest giving your boyfriend some time without calling, messaging or emailing him. Let him know in one email that you are doing this. That you are serious about working to change your behavior and that you understand he needs space and is very disappointed in you and the relationship.
If you are serious, you will start dealing with this issue or you will NEVER have a happy, lasting relationship. Read as many books, online articles etc. on controlling your anger, insecurity and anything else that is causing problems in this relationship.
To make this process more productive please do see an anger management counselor or take anger management classes. You need to do practical exercises in which someone tries to anger you and you practice staying calm and dealing with these situations in healthy ways.
Write out a plan of the steps you are going to take to fix these negative qualities in yourself. In that one email to your boyfriend tell him your plan and ask him if in a month or two, he would be willing to have a trial reconciliation with you. If you can control your emotions successfully then that could lead to a more permanent situation.
You are not a bad person for this, you are simply learning and you are young, so there will be a lot of lessons for you in life. Many of them won't come easily, but the harder you work on being a better person, the less pain and the easier it will be.
Now if your boyfriend doesn't agree to do this, you still should do this for yourself. Like I said before, life evolves most people with pain and if you don't deal with these issues now, you will have even more pain later and it will continue until you fix this problem.
It's like a leaking roof, if you don't get a new one, the rain is just going to keep pouring in.
I wish you lots of success and I hope you can grow and one day be very happy and healthy emotionally.
All the best,
Angellica Waters
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2009): Glad it worked out. You need to try and control your anger. It's not fun being in a relationship with someone who's mad all the time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe gave me another chance:)
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (17 December 2009):
 you ended it, he didnt end it, you did, with your constant fighting over small things, you say in your original post it was your fault.
Leave him be, I doubt from the tone of you latest posting that you even know what you have done
Like he said, its all a game to you, well ding dong, game over.
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A
female
reader, Not My Name +, writes (17 December 2009):
 He didn't end it in a second tho did he? It took all week of you going him to cause him to take that action.
Perhaps you should enrol in an anger management course if you want to show him you are serious about taking steps to resolve your anger issues.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe's being rude and he wont talk to me. He says he hates me.
He's never been this rude to me ever. he says he doesnt care anymore, and that i should find someone else.
My friend told me to give him time so that he realizes that he still loves me. I dont get how someone can end something in a second?
i know i made a mistake and i am willing to improve no matter what. i just want another chance.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionand i am 20, please help me, i dont know how i am gunna get through this. i wanna make it better.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 December 2009):
Oh dear. I don't think it can be fixed now. If you were fighting that much, then there were serious problems. I think your boyfriend may have just seen that it was better to move on. If you do have a lot of anger, then for now, focus on your own life and get it in order. Then you'll meet the right guy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionis there no way to make it up to him, i know he loves me, he's tried hard to make this work, its me who's been acting immatuure and clingy. He's been trying very hard, i just want him back. i always took him for granted, my friends would always tell me that ii treat him like crap but now i realize what i did, and i am willing to improve. I just want him back.This is not a game for me, i truly love him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2009): You'll have to meet him , i don't understand why you need to get your anger out over an entire week though, that is odd and a problem you s hould get sorted out.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (16 December 2009):
Based on what you have told us I don't think an email saying sorry is going to help much in this situation.
You have been fighting for a week, I assume you mean verabally? No matter, and you also admit you start the fights and always over small things. Why do you think saying sorry is going to take away the hurt and pain and maybe frustration your behaviour has caused? He has already said he doesnt want to play your game any more.
Your ID states your age between 26 and 29, old enough to act mature I should have thought!
I would say he is more fed up than angry and who can blame him ... I don't know if you can get him back, sorry wont cut it, maybe you arent ready yet for a full on committed relationship!
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