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female
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anonymous
writes: I started talking to someone online around mid June. We had a busy week so we got to know each other initially through texting and phone calls which was constant each day. We got along really well. I did notice he still went on the site which is perfectly normal I realize. We are both in our late 20's. We met in person last friday night and things seemed to go well. We kissed a few times even. Saturday(the next day) he even texts me how he might be in my area to pick up something for his car and asked to get a coffee. I agreed since we aren't 10 minutes from each other. The drink turned into an evening out because he mentioned how his friend wants to go out tonight and I am more than welcome to come along. I thought why not actually; I could learn more about him, meet his friends, see where he lives etc. It was a good night out. We both seemed to have a good time. I met his roommate who seemed to know about me already. This week seemed to be pretty normal..we texted and spoke on the phone. But I did seem to notice he was on the site more often so I was feeling a little insecure. Rationally I know it's only been 2 dates and we don't owe each other anything. But the emotional side is just nervous he is going to flake on me or date a whole bunch of other girls. He did mention again on Thursday how he might be passing through from work and asked if he could stop by. It was really a crazy day and I didn't want to have to worry about how I looked right after work etc etc..so i told him it's been a crazy day. I will go home first if you wanted to meet later which I knew he wouldn't be up for since he was heading home from work too. We still spoke on the phone that night. He mentioned how he wants to work on his car tomorrow which is a Friday (he was off). I sort of assumed maybe we would see each other at night. I texted him in the morning joking around about something..no response til basically the end of my work day. I responded but that was all I heard from him ALL NIGHT. I know we aren't together but it just seemed odd b/c the pattern since we started talking was constant contact in some way. He texts me this morning what my plans were for the day. I just sort of get the feeling he may have went on a date with someone else from the site last night. I was actually on it at 1:30am and saw he signed in at that time(so it must have been when he got in) I took my time to respond today and said i was going to grab lunch with a friend..you? and he said he wasn't sure etc etc No mention of us meeting or going out later which is a little confusing. I sort of hinted and asked what his plans were for the weekend and if he had to study all weekend..he joked saying no, only if he feels guilty. But that's basically it..he said would call me in a bit which was a few hours ago. I fear if we don't see each other this weekend, it will fade away. Online dating is rough and my friend agrees you need to spend time with them fast b/c things fade so quickly through her experiences too. I know at this point, don't do anything. But I guess it's just confusing. I know he owes me nothing but I guess I was hoping this would go past a 2nd date...i felt so secure last week with texting him whenever because he seemed to do the same and he didn't seem to follow rules. Now after yesterday, I feel like I can't and feel like I almost have to go with those dating games of backing off and keeping my distance..... Does anyone have tips and advice? I know it's so early but I am still a little upset by this sudden shift....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2012): for a start stop watching him online he will freak out if he comes to that conclusion and obviously its not doing YOU any good. Calm down he obviously likes YOU , so go with it.Also WHY don't YOU consider asking him to meet up with you? It could be that he is waiting for you to ask because he's feeling insecure? I think there is often too much pressure on men to do all the chasing. give him a call and ask him out, if he can do it WHY cant you? good luck hun x
A
female
reader, Eyespy17  +, writes (1 July 2012):
I'm dating online too and you need to relax and make sure you are dating other people on or off the site. You've only had two dates and you are already "online stalking" him. A guy will pick up on that over eagerness and could lose interest or get scared away. It's still too early. Don't play games but just make other plans and don't bail on them for him if he hasn't asked you in a timely fashion.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (1 July 2012):
 Look, I'm sorry you feel so nervous and unsure of what's going on.
The fact is that dating is sort of like dipping your toe in the water to see what it feels like and whether you want to get a bit more wet.......maybe you or "he" does; maybe "you" don't.
You can't assume that because he signed in on the website at 1:30 a.m. that he had been out with someone else you know!
It doesn't follow. But by that logic, if he - or anyone else - saw you were on the site at that time, couldn't they make an assumption that YOU had been out on a date and further speculate it might not have gone well, otherwise why would you be back online at that hour and looking?
Presumably you haven't heard from him yet and now it's pretty late - even if you're on the West Coast and it's nearly 8:00 pm that's still leaving it a bit late to see if you want to go out, don't you think? After all, for all he knows you might have had other plans on a Saturday night!
Not to play games, but it doesn't do to let a man think you're too available. I mean: if you want to go somewhere either with a friend(s) or on your own, then go. If he calls and asks you out there's nothing to lose in saying "Sorry, I'm going to see a movie with a friend" and you can mention her name, if you like, and then say to him, "but how about tomorrow or the next day?"
AIf your friend thinks you need to spend time with a guy "fast because online dating is rough and (unless you do) things fade quickly". She's got it wrong. Online dating CAN be awkward, but it depends on who you meet and who you choose to start getting acquainted with. If it's going to fade unless you hurry, then it would fade sooner or later anyway. "Fast" isn't necessarily going to make it last any longer!
You need to chill out a bit and see if he does call you and makes arrangements to see you. If so, take your time and don't rush into anything such as jumping in the sack after three or four more dates!
Good luck!
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