A
female
age
41-50,
*oldfish
writes:Firstly, thanks for reading my question and would really appreciate any advices. I am quite confused at moment, do not know what to do. I am having relationship with this guy for almost 2 years and been living together. And before this, I had never have that close relationship, so do not really have much experience. I feel happy with him, although feeling that I love him more than he loves me. Recently, we have a huge fight from a small thing. Anyway, the question is I can understand he feels attractions from other women, but if it is right he put it on action like invite her to have cup of coffee or go out for lunch (only two of them, behind me). I felt upset and jealous when I found out that, because it sounds a date to me. Am I overreacting?
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (31 August 2007):
 He probably feels attraction to many females. Attraction is a tricky word. It can mean to notice or to actually feel a pull toward someone. It's natural and you find other men attractive too. If he wants this woman then he's making a mistake. IF they're just having lunch, you're making a mistake. I do think you're over reacting in this case. The truth is you have nothing to lead you to think anything is wrong. You just don't like it and want to control who he has lunch/coffee with etc. I understand your jealousy but it's not well founded, based on the evidence you've provided. You might talk to him about your feelings in a nice way but don't crucify him for something he has no intentions of doing.
Why do you feel slighted by this
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): Thanks guys. Yeah, it might be better to add more information. I certainly donot want any mis-judgement coz lack of detail. She is his new colleague, I had met her once briefly, just been introduced and said 'hi'. I dont know if she is attracted to him, but I know he maybe (he admitted that he feels attraction for other women sometimes, but did not specialize was her). And we'r working in very close, he can ask me to join the lunch if he wanted to. I just think if he already felt the attraction, he shouldn't do what he has done.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2007): I don't blame you for feeling this way. Is this woman a 'friend' of his, exclusively? And she is attracted to him? If yes, I have to say, we can't control who may be attracted to our partners. I mean, quite honestly...most men, available or unavailable, would feel flattered if they knew a woman was attracted to them but partnered men such as your bf....'do not' act upon it! They remember their commitment to their loved one. So what the heck is he thinking? When we make friends with opposite genders, usually we don't want to hurt or upset our partners. So what do we do? We have a meet and greet. His new friend becomes your friend, too. Plain and simple. So...why is he taking her out for lunch/coffee, without you? Ask him that and why hasn't he involved you in this 'date'? How unthinking and unacring. He is compromising the integrity of this relationship, by his actions..no question about it, So no, if you have not met her, if she is attracted to him and he is flattered and ego-driven by her attentions or is even remotely attracted to her...you have a problem. Over-reaction...no. It's time for you both to have a serious talk about where the 'cracks' are, in this relationship and why he feels the need to hurt you and be soo insensitive, like this. And it's time for you to not tolerate this behavior. Everyone is entitled to a healthy, loving relationship, hun. You won't get it, if you sit back and 'excuse' away his bad behaviors. I recommend you be strong and ask him to fix whatever problems in this relationship, that need repairing. If he doesn't want to, then you have some big decisions to make. Good luck, dear and be strong.
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (30 August 2007):
Who is she and how do they know eachother? That is important information.
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