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female
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anonymous
writes: I have felt a strong connection with a colleague at work for a few years now. We have always been friends and we are so much alike and share similar interests. We can make each other laugh and we can talk for hours non-stop....About a month ago our feelings for each other developed at such a quick rate! We were suddenly seeing each other a lot more, calling each other at work more and meeting each other after work to talk (away from prying eyes). This is where we shared our first of many hugs. We had fallen for each other.Problem is, we are both in relationships of around 7 years which aren't doing very well. Last weekend we met up on a Saturday and spent the day together. It was such a great time. We talked, held hands, discussed our future and shared our first kiss. Now while this was happening, I had been working up the courage to leave my boyfriend. I feel so strongly about this other guy, I feel he is the one and it is destiny...things happen for a reason.Three days ago we met again after work and he told me he can't go on like this. He would have a nervous breakdown. He said he owed it to himself and to his relationship to try to make it work. This left me heartbroken! I hadn't realised how much I needed him, wanted him in my life. I had fallen for him so hard and to be rejected cut me so deeply.He said it might take a few weeks or a few months to work out if his relationship was worth saving. I want to wait for him, I really do. I know the grass is always greener but like I said I have felt 'something' there for years now....The other guy gives me so much more than I get from my current relationship. I feel my boyfriend takes me for granted. I have talked to my bf about it but he doesn't try to make it better. He doesn't give me the attention that I need and he said I need to find another guy if I want that. And the other guy's girlfriend is really horrible to him too! He always complains about her and I know I can give him so much more.I guess my question is....what should I do? Should I wait for the other guy to try to save his relationship or should I forget about him and try to save mine? Or should I move on from both men completely?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2005): Try and work at your own relationship if youve been in it a long time then maybe you just need to revamp it .. if everything fails in your own relationship and you feel you dont want to be with your boyfriend anymore then leave the relationship you dont have to be with someone to be happy just be you for abit if you end your relationship.
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reader, pops +, writes (15 October 2005):
Don't make ending a bad relationship contingent on starting up another relationship you hope will work out. If the current relationship is hopeless, end it. You will need time to grieve over its loss, and to figure out truthfully what part each of you played in its demise. I am sure that both parties started out living together with the best of hopes and expectations. Find out what went wrong, and how you want to fix you end of it. Only when you get there, and like yourself as a single person, can you be ready to try again with another man. The new guy sounds like a great guy, but he is nice because he cares for his current wife or gf, enough to want to try to either make it work, or end it civilly. He will also need time to find out what went wrong with that relationship , what part was his responsibility and how he wants to change that so it does not affect a new relationship. He also is going to need time to get to like himself as a single person before committing to a new relationship. I suggest you both get your houses in order, use the past few weeks as a learning experience that taught you both that you can find love, and find someone who will appreciate your love. If the two of you are meant for each other, you will be around to get together 6 months after you have both done your chores. If you don't do as I suggest, you run a great risk of dragging the emotional baggage of your past relationship into the new one. ( ex. His gf is really horrible to him too ! How did you know that unless he has injected his current troubles in his talks with you? Maybe it is not the truth. Unless you have witnesses her behavior personally, don't be so quick to accept such characterizations. )
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A
female
reader, lillaum  +, writes (15 October 2005):
 Hi there!
Lets deal with one problem at a time. Firstly you are obviously not happy with the man you are currently with. you have obviously thought long and hard about it. You both deserve a chance at happiness so why not get out of the relationship? (reguardless of the other guy, your not happy with your boyfriend) Secondly enjoy single life for a month or so, and get your feet back on the ground. have a few nights out with the girls. If by then man number 2 has decided that he is staying with his girlfriend you haven't wasted time on him (or dumped someone to be with him) and you can carry on looking for Mr Right. If he does want to be with you, you still haven't been wasting time and you get the man you have really wanted to be with for years now. If however, he is still undecided move on. Women have needs too, and you can't be expected to wait for him while your alone every night and he is sleeping next to someone!!
Good Luck!
Lillaum
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