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female
,
anonymous
writes: A married co-worker came on to me at work and we started fooling around and after a week I cheated on my husband by sleeping with him. The next day he said he was freaked out about it and now he can barely look at me. He initiated this situation and this isn't the first time he's cheated on his wife. Now I have to see him every day and have him treat me like a leper. How do I handle this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2005): You made many mistakes here .. you cheated on your partner .. you cheated with someone who seems to have no problem with cheating on his partner .. you slept with a co-worker, dont fall in the trap of becoming the person he comes to when he feels like cheating let the thing go and i suppose you carry on if nothing happened .. dont give him the satifation of thinking he meant something to you.
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (15 October 2005):
 This is the primary reason that fooling around with co-workers is not recommended. If only you'd thought that little bit further ahead... Oh well.
The only way you can handle this is to be totally professional about your every interaction with him, and let the matter die an unmourned death. Clearly, he wishes it had never happened, and his childish avoidance game is a manifestation of that wish. This isn't necessarily a jab at you personally; he probably just gasped and had a scary moment of insight when he realised what you two had done. Now he wants his guilt and regret to go away, and you remind him of the guilt and regret.
So, the best way around this is to put it completely out of your mind when you see him. If circumstances require you to interact together, you should be bland and neutral. Treat him with the same general politeness as you would a temporary employee, just there for the day. Don't expect your working relationship to go back to what it was, and don't try to force it into a friendliness that no longer fits.
Every time he sees you, it's just going to remind him of what a cad he's been to his wife, to you, to your husband etc. Put that matter behind you, and concentrate on renewing your relationship with your husband... which, although wasn't part of your question, was probably the whole reason this thing happened, isn't it?
Good luck with it.
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