A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I went to a psychotherapist last week and when I was filling out the questionnaire in the waiting room he came in and it took me about 5 seconds to fall for him. I immediately knew I was attracted to this man. I even thought about leaving and looking for a different therapist but then I didn't have to guts to do it. So the session felt awkward for me as I couldn't really open up because I wanted him to like me and I kept thinking how attractive he was. Anyway, so today I had my second session and it went really well, except, I felt like he was flirting with me. I might be wrong. Maybe he was just being extra nice, like therapists might be but for me it's really awkward because I couldn't help flirting and I feel so attracted to him. What should I do? I know there is transference but I already fell for him even before the session had started. He's just a few years older than I am and when he came into the waiting room and I saw him I just thought - oh hopefully he's not my therapist - he seemed so young but then he was unfortunately. What should I do? - please help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2009): Well see there he thought you were courageous for telling him, so you did get a personal reaction, but he is a professional.
I don't know if it was transference or not, probably not, but I think if you are in therapy and easily attracted to someone that you know you should be able to trust, then you are just vulnerable. It is best to hold off on any attractions for the moment until you get your emotional legs back up under you. No need to feel sad over the therapist, I think you are just sad over feeling lonely and lost, which is quite normal to feel at times.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2009): So I told him today about my feelings and that I think I won't be able to work with him anymore. He was very professional telling me that it was courageous that I told him and that he would have liked to have worked with me but he can understand that I don't want to work with him. Well, it was perfectly professional and I am glad I decided to go to another therapist.
But I still feel bad - I mean - oh god this is so stupid, after all I am a grown up and no teenager any more - it still hurts, I have this heart-ache and I don't even know him. I thought it's just physical attraction but now I feel partly relieved and partly just really sad. How could I hope for some kind of personal reaction...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2009): thank you guys for all the comments!!! - I will tell him, although I don't think I'd have the courage to ask him out - although I'd love to.
I just wonder if it is really 'transference' after all I was attracted to him even before therapy started - it was not love but attraction at first sight. I mean, had I met him anywhere else wouldn't it have been just a normal crush?
I am confused ???
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2009): I am being serious, ask him what you should do.
It is important to find a therapist that you think likes you and that you can communicate with easily. You are in a vunerable place and you need to be able to trust him with your innermost thoughts, you will find him attractive for that reason alone, and yes it is called transference...and as a professional he knows all about that....so if you can't be honest about your attraction to him then you won't be able to be honest about everything else...so go ahead confess and ask him what he thinks you should do.
I am sorry to say after one session he would lose his licencse if he were to date you or ask you out, so that is off limits already...I am sure he would never do that with a patient or he wouldn't have gotten as far as he has in his career.
Take care and good luck with therapy, it is work, remember that, and you have to be the one to do it.
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A
female
reader, purple_butterfly  +, writes (11 August 2009):
Now that youve already had 2 sessions and spent that much money, It'd b better if you atleast ask him out once. Its not a crime to like sumone, if hes married or has a gf, too bad.
hehe. If you date him, Im sure youd b distracted from the problems but otherwise make sure you go to other therapist and talk it out.
hope the best for you :)
take care
love
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A
female
reader, purple_butterfly +, writes (11 August 2009):
Now that youve already had 2 sessions and wasted that much money. Might as well as him out before you change your therapist.. may be he likes you too . who knows???
heheh :)
However if hes married or has a gf, get a new therapist and mmove on with life.
forget and move on :D
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A
female
reader, MuffinGirl  +, writes (11 August 2009):
 He probably noticed that you were attracted to him. Especially because he has a job where he supposed to know how people feel or what is the best theraphy for them. These kind of people usually have a talent in reading body language and thoughts. I don't want to say they're magicians or anything like that, just that they have a good sense for the people. So that's probably why you felt he was flirting with you. I suggest you to get a new therapist, find out if he's married or if he has a girlfriend and if he doesn't- well maybe you should ask him out!
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 August 2009):
 You need a new therapist, this one is NOT going to help you in the way you need.. Because you will not open up enough to get to the core of your problems..
Sorry.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2009): This is a common feeling when going to a therapist. People tend to fall for their therapists as they see them as an answer to all their problems, and also they are always good listeners. You are basically pushing down all your troubles and trying to replace them with loving feelings, which when you are over this you will realise are not as strong as you thought they were. There is a proper psychological name for it and everything, but i can't remember it.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (11 August 2009):
 Get a new therapist, this one causes you too much distraction and they aren't cheap so you need to be able to focus and get your money's worth. More bang for the bucks so to speak.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2009): Ask your therapist.
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