A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has always been trouble, but I kind of liked it in the beginning. I guess I have grown up where as he hasn't. I like staying in on a weekend or having friends over for dinner but he says I'm boring if I do that and not to expect him to do the same thing. I wouldn't mind but almost as soon as he gets home from work, he starts smoking weed or drinking. I hate the fact he uses drugs and I have tried to leave him so many times but I'm always made to feel guilty by either him or his family. He always promises to stop but then goes behind my back. We're getting into debt because I can't afford every bill that comes through the door while he would rather spend it on drinking and smoking. We have been together for nearly 3 and a half years. I'm not prefect, I admit that. I use to go out every weekend and I drank a lot, but I got over all of that and he hasn't.Whenever I do tell him we are over, he makes promises and begs me to stay. He even got a loan from his dad the last time to pay off some of the debt we had building up, but we still need to give his dad the money back so it didn't really help us completely.I want to leave but I don't want everyone to think I'm a complete bitch for leaving him when he clearly needs help. His family have pretty much turned a blind eye to it all but I live with him and I can't do that.I feel like his mum at times, we rarely have sex and when we do it's nothing special. I don't remember the last thing we did together, just us and I'm having to make sure he eats, and goes to work. I don't know what to do for the best, stick it out or push him to the curb. I'm 22 and he is 24.
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (7 March 2015):
i agree with the others, you have to leave him for your own good. You have done nothing wrong here and you will be doing nothing wrong by leaving him. You will end up in more debt and you will find it harder to leave if you wait much longer. He knows what he does isnt right, he doesnt change because as long as you are there he doesnt need to. He knows you are taking care of everything and indirectly you are paying for his habits, because if he had to pay a fair share of the rent/bills, he wouldnt have as much money for drink and weed. You deserve better and you know it. Make plans to get yourself out asap. That means putting utilities into his name and informing the landlord/housing association what date you will no longer be there. Legally you dont want him pursuing you for money that isnt his in the first place, be smart and if you are unsure of anything go to citizens advice. Also start moving your items out such as clothes, discreetly bit by bit to a friends or relatives house. Best of luck and remember, you deserve better.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 March 2015):
 You are MORE worried that people might think you are a "bitch" for leaving than having to live a life where you are now his mum/caregiver? Where you are not happy at all?
So, YOU should sacrifice YOUR happiness and peace of mind, so others don't think you are a "bitch"?
My advice? Make a budget. See what YOU can afford on your own. You might have to move in with someone in a room-mate situation, you might have to cut some of the excess items off, such as cable, expensive cell phone (buy a cheaper pay as you go option), internet, take out food/eating out. At least for a while.
Then SEPARATE your finances. If part of that loan from his dad is YOUR DEBT, then BE a honorable person and send the dad an amount each month that YOU can afford.
Cut the contact with him 100%. No calling/texting/ no Facebook or other social media.
No wonder his family makes you feel bad when you left him in the past, you are basically his housekeeper/nanny. And WHEN you leave, guess what? He will either have to TAKE CARE of himself or his FAMILY will have to.
IT is NOT your responsibility as a GF to be the alarm-clock and the nanny. To ensure he goes to work and eat.
You can stay with him, but know this - NOTING will change. It will just be more and more of the same.
OR you can move out and walk away from him.
LEAVING a relationship that ISN'T working doesn't MAKE you a bitch. It makes you smart.
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A
female
reader, CattyCat +, writes (7 March 2015):
 If you don't get out now, then you'll end up with a kid in the equation and then next episode of Jeremy Kyle. Go to a citizens advice bureau. Tell them your debts and loan and set up a plan of what you can pay on you're own.Leave him. Either tell him to his face OR when he goes out on a night out, take your bags and go stay with family, while leaving a note behind. As soon as you get to your families house, contact his Dad and say you've set up a direct debit for paying HALF of the loan back.Then get on with your life.If he's a first love or something, then it will be hard to get over but YOU WILL get over it. You're too young to be tied down by a waste of life like him. And every time you feel weak and want to go back, remind yourself that you'll be the one working yourself to the bone just to get by while he does whatever the fuck he wants. All the tears and promises he gives you won't be enough when you're 34 with kids round your feet and he's still fucking around, not pulling his weight and smoking weed.Sometimes a shock like this, benefits lazy people like that, sometimes it doesn't. But either way, it won't be your problem.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2015): Push him to the curb. First separate your finances. He has a problem, you don't, your only problem is him.
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