A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello people, this maybe a daft issue but it really gets to me. I have been depressed for ages now and well I feel the most of it is I'm not happy with my penis size. My first relationship ended with the girl dumping me and then spreading the news to my friends saying this issue was why she dumped me. Granted she had seen my penis many times but she did this after we first had sex.I then had a 4 year relationship with a girl who seemed happy with it. But in my head I always didn't belive her. And felt she would meet someone. And of course that happend ok I may of pushed her away but when she met him there was no going back. I then fooled about with a girl for a few months but ended it as I didn't feel we was connecting. It's been 5 years now and I have no confidence with women. I know you can pleasure a women in other ways and it's always key. But how do I get past the feeling of well basically useless with the size of it? And not think to myself,she is bound to.want bigger? Thanks if you have read this far.
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confidence, depressed, my penis, penis size Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2015): Hello Guys ,
It is the OP here, thank you for taking time to give me answers and help regards to this.
A lot of you have helped me look at it in different ways , I know its something so petty and there are more important things . It has always just been such a issue for me .
But I will try to get back into the flow of things , try to be positive and look at therapy.
But thank you again you have shown me different views for it .
A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (8 March 2015):
Dear OP,
At the age of 22-25, you already had a serious relationship with a woman for 4 years, you've had sex many times already and from this any rational human being would conclude that you can't be THAT unattractive to women.
The women you were with are still young and were probably insecure themselves. I don't know what happened between you and your first gf, but maybe the first-time sex was difficult for her and she wanted to turn the story of her failure/shame/anxiety into some story about how you are a loser. It's easier to say "I dumped him because he's small" than to admit "I dumped him because I'm totally not ready to have sex/am insecure myself" etc.
IF penis size had been the issue, wouldn't she have left you right after she saw it? I think there was something more difficult going on than what she was willing to say.
Personally, I have never had any problems with the penis size of a man. It doesn't matter for my pleasure, I can't cum through penetration alone. And an erected penis is great to look at, anyway.
In the end, I can only recommend you to embrace your fear of being found inferior, or of being left alone, and to love anyway. Everyone of us has their insecurities. With every new partner, I worry that they might find me too fat. I stopped bothering men with asking them if they find me fat, though. As long as they don't critize me, I assume they are okay. They are free people and if they found me too fat, they could leave in the first place, right?
And you don't have to please everybody to the fullest. It's okay not to be every womans' personal sex god come alive. That's not the purpose why you're here on this earth.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2015): You should worry whether you know how to sexually please a woman in as many variety of ways rather than whether you have a big dick based on what some bimbo is allegedly claiming. Plus if you have a big one and your woman is like mine who loves anal sex then you'd be a huge disappointment for her. Plus no other guy gives a crap if you have a big dick and if you go around bragging you won't make any friends just to say it mildly. So just lay off your fantasy.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2015): I went through a lot of insecurity when I first met my wife because she let it slip at some point that her ex was huge.
I don't think there are any quick fixes for this. For me, I gradually realized that it just wasn't that big of a deal to my wife. I also realized that she actually like oral much better anyway.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (8 March 2015):
 welcom to the real world! we men all have the same insecurities about our body. just figure it is just one of those mysteries of life. deep breath. women have self image issues too.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2015): Well, if you can take advice from women; I hope you don't mind a word or two from a gay man. When it comes to size, gay men can be the most unforgiving and nit-picky of all man-kind!
Even our culture will learn in good-time, that when all is said and done; the bulge in his pants is no reflection of the man behind it. It may be pleasing to the eye, and blow the mind; but such a mindset is a personality-flaw called "shallowness!" Or, being "superficial!" Seriously, who on earth needs a self-absorbed size-queen; who's only attraction and interest in you, is based on what's dangling below your navel? They still have to deal with the guy attached to it! You have to deal with their imperfections and flaws as well! Would it make you happy, if no one ever looked you in your eyes; but always stared at your crotch?
Women grapple with the size of their hips, their breasts, and their general physical-image in the eyes of men. A great deal of what we see and think about "size" was put there by porn, fashion magazines, and twisted-people who have the gift to reach the minds and opinions of the masses. Through advertising and saturation; our self-image is influenced and undermined by what we see and/or hear about "size" By our very nature as humans; and regardless of our level of education and understanding, we are prone to believe legends spread to create prejudice and kill self-esteem.
Power comes from defiance! Even more power comes from loving yourself!!!
Read your post. Everything you feel about yourself is based on the opinions of others. Is your penis the only "thing" women take issue with? How about your personality and how you treat them? How about your general-appearance and attitude? What about your creativity and sexual-technique in bed? The power of your kiss? All of that is attached to your penis. You put a lot of pressure and expectations on your penis; therefore, more important things about yourself go neglected and ignored. Your pee pee stands between you and accepting love from a good woman. That's a big sacrifice to make.
So, you think happiness is a big dick? My my!!! I personally know so many guys who are not that big, and you can't convince them they're not hot to trot. They don't care about defamation from their exes; because people who love you don't hear that crap. The right person for you, likes everything about you; and they will forgo what you weren't born with. As much as I love green eyes, I was born with brown eyes. They can see right through lies! So, I'll keep them! Not even cover them with colored-contacts!
Having shame for how you are designed by nature is very constrictive. Shame that goes so far as force you to forfeit real-love and concern for the "entire" package. No pun intended. Well, maybe a little! Oops, bad choice of words! Get over it!!! There's more to you than your dick!
Dude, you've got what you've got. You can't fight nature or genetics. The problem with people who have ingrained body-image issues is that the problem is magnified in their minds many times over what is evidenced in reality. One female you know went for your area of sensitivity, and hit you where it hurts. Now you're scarred for life?!! Now you know how women feel regarding their body-image problems.
When things get so bad they rule your mind and emotions to a degree that you can't get past them; then you must seek treatment of the mind. Because that's where it all is! There are guys with 10-inch dongs, who still have some issue about how they can't bring a woman to orgasm; or they can't reach a full-erection. Being gay, I've met guys who won't even date; because of the unsubstantiated fear of how people "might" react when they remove their underwear. They are lonely, frustrated, and angry; by their own devices, or a single-incident. I've met or frolicked with guys with humongous dicks; mostly, nobody likes them for who they are either. Either due to their conceit, or they're a legend in their own minds. They mainly get passed around. It's hard for them to find people who care about what's above their crotch area. Not to say a big one isn't a lot of fun; but you don't spend a bunch of your time letting it all hangout for people to see and judge you by. Unless you're a porn actor, and your livelihood depends on it. You've given-up on women for only one reason. Your wiener.
People preoccupied with their endowment place too much value on a single body-part. They believe all the hype, and let one bad-apple spoil the bunch like you have. One pissed-off ex-girlfriend! Fortunately, love will find you anyway. There's usually a happy-ending(get your mind out of the gutter readers); because the desire to live, and gaining experience eventually forces us to accept our physical-imperfections or impairments that cannot be changed. We can change things that make us better people, always! People stuck on their looks and the opinions of others; imprison themselves emotionally and mentally. They're never happy!
Nothing anyone on this site can say will make your willy grow. Aside from talking dirty, and we won't! Nothing any therapist or psychiatrist can do will add any length to what you have. So, you have to be happy with who you are, what you have, and love yourself. Someone always comes along in your life who has no problem with your imperfections. The only problem is, when you don't love yourself; you will waste their time. You don't trust them; because you want to twist and bend their feelings to match your negative-opinion of yourself. That's painful and unbearable for someone who adores you. Self-hatred and body-image issues are deep-seated emotional-disorders buried in the subconscious. They are hard to get at. So it's left-up to the sufferer to do all the work on their issue. They punish themselves, and the people who love them. Thus, your mate tires of giving you their love and move-on. They tire of trying to prove the truth to an unbelieving and selfish mind. It's a sickness of the mind for some; and willful self-hatred in others. As if, someone should be blamed for how you came out of the womb. Dream on!
You are always going to find a evil bitch who will emasculate you, or demean your masculinity. Mainly because you let her know where your weakness, insecurity, or vulnerability lies. She may not even really believe what she said; she just wanted to humiliate you, and hit you "below the belt." You can't forgive her for going there; therefore, you can't forgive yourself for how you're hung. Doesn't that sound illogical? A kind of self-torture? Placing so much power over your life and emotions in the hands of other people? That's exhausting!!!
If I could give you a hug, I'd do it. You're perpetually beating yourself down over somebody's awful vindictive-words! Bounce-back regardless! Nobody's perfect. You don't have a big dick. Now what?! So what?! Everything functions like they're supposed to! Count your blessings, kiddo! Wait until age hits!
There isn't one "opinion" on this planet more important to your happiness and well-being, than your own!!! If you defeat and put yourself down; all any low-life has to do, is kick you when you're down! That's almost an invitation, when you come across a nasty-person like your ex. In all honesty and fairness to her; I'm sure you did something that took her to the peak of her rage and animosity toward you. Don't act like it was totally one-sided, and you're a helpless victim. She was pissed-off about something you said or did! When she hit back, she wanted to leave a mark! She must have been hurt by you just as deeply, to go so far.
You get no peter-pity from me; because you're more than what dangles between your legs.
Trying to comfort you by telling you someone will come along and will love you for who you are is useless. You will not believe they can. You have judged, tried, and convicted yourself of a small penis. You have sentenced yourself to life without trust, or love. Anyone who dares to, will be wasting their time trying to prove it. You will punish them for your lack of endowment; and call them a liar after stealing their hearts. Never mind their feelings for you, it's all about your dick! That makes you as mean as the people who hurt your feelings about your dick. It makes you a bigger dick than your own penis!
You're concentrating far too much concern and attention on the size of your dick, and far too little on how people care about YOU! If your penis can't grow, does that mean you will deny yourself love and happiness; even when someone does all they can to show you it doesn't matter?
What do you want? You want to be loved, not appreciated just for how you're hung. Easy for someone else to say, right? Well, you can't grow any larger. You can use ridiculous pumps and buy bottles of useless expensive placebos until you come to terms with nature and reality.
You should seek professional-help, to help you overcome your "possible" body-image anxieties and body-dysmorphia issues. I bet you're one of the sweetest and most loving guys out there. You put all sorts of fault on your pee pee. It's not fair you pick on it more than anyone else does. If it gets hard when it's supposed to, it naturally increases in size fully-engorged. Then practice being proud of it for that, and being a good-lover for someone who accepts you for who you are; and what you were born with as a male. Your youth alone gives you stamina; and you'll spring-up at the drop of a hat!
You're very young. So it's going to take some time, more experience, maturity; and maybe some therapy to turn you around. In the meantime, I give you my heartfelt advice and concern.
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A
female
reader, LJCX  +, writes (7 March 2015):
 My ex worried about this a lot, ok it wasn't that big but unless a woman was like massive down there she'll still feel exactly the same thing as if the penis was an inch or two longer. I can honestly say it always feels the same to me whatever the size penis. Sorry if I sound really vulgar lol!As for this girl who spread that round, take no notice she's just being immature and nasty. How would she like it if you went round telling people it's because she is like a bucket? lol! (by the way don't stoop down to her level)Going back to my ex, because he worried about his size he would do his best to make up for it in other ways. He was great in bed because of that. The boyfriend I had before that had a big penis and he was arrogant and selfish in bed. Women like foreplay, more than actual sex sometimes. I'm sure you don't have a small penis, your ex picked up on the fact you thought it was and used it to make you feel bad. Start thinking positively. I don't give a hoot about size.
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A
female
reader, CattyCat +, writes (7 March 2015):
 You've already realised part of your problem "ok I may of pushed her away"The cruel bitch you were with who spread rumours about your dick, got so in your head about it that it's ruined any hopes of a successful relationship for you. She was just a bully dude, honestly. The karma sutra wasn't made just for big dicks, and quite honestly, speaking on behalf of most women, a huge 7-9inch dick is so unappealing, like I'd feel uncomfortable around that. Like it would break me or something. It's just a porn industry gimmick to get ratings in. The only girls who need a dick that big, are the ones getting too much dick that they'll need one big enough to feel something down there. You need to reconnect with you. Feel okay with yourself. Realise that that girl and her rumours are false, that once you come to terms with this, you can begin to heal and feel better about yourself. Maybe even think about that 4 year relationship, and just how honest that girlfriend was. Yeah you may of lost her, which hurts, but take from it what she was trying to teach you. Your size is satisfying.
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A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (7 March 2015):
Lots of women feel the same way about breast size, so why don't you try flipping the situation around and ask yourself whether the size of a girls breasts are that much of a big deal to you that you would leave her for someone else? I'm guessing that you'd say no, and that a woman is much more than the cup size she wears. This is exactly the same thing. Some people have extreme preferences yes, but the majority of people don't base their attraction or satisfaction with a person on one thing alone. From my point of view, if I've ever liked a guy enough to sleep with him I couldn't care less what is down there as long as it's not the only thing that's getting attention ;)OP, I know this won't change how you feel but I'm absolutely sure there's nothing wrong with your size. Plus, many men don't believe it, but a huge penis is just straight up scary! Somewhere in the middle is just fine. However, you're right when you say that obsessing about this could indeed push women away so trying to change your mindset is a great idea. All the best.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 March 2015):
 Sadly, you are not alone. Many men feel 'too small,' that penis size is somehow a reflection of masculinity. Because you don't believe you are the right size, you won't believe it when a woman tells you are fine. So you're going to have to tackle that insecurity.
Start with your doctor, get a referral for therapy and work on it.
I saw this study recently and you'll see you are probably in the completely average group: http://commonhealth.wbur.org/2015/03/biggest-study-penis-size
From that article:
"Men may present to urologists or sexual medicine clinics with a concern with their penis size, despite their size falling within a normal range. This type of concern is commonly known as ‘small penis anxiety’ or ‘small penis syndrome.’ Some men who are preoccupied and severely distressed with the size of their penis may also be diagnosed with body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), where the preoccupation, excessive self-consciousness and distress is focussed on their penis size or shape. The diagnosis of BDD or small penis anxiety excludes 2.28% of the male population who are abnormally small as less than 2 standard deviations below the mean."
If your confidence is so low for so many years then you may benefit from some good therapy.
You can't change your penis size so you have to change your thinking and your attitude. And that, based on your post, means professional help.
Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 March 2015):
 How to overcome insecurity issues, that's what you're asking us. And I can't really tell you how, because it's something only you can do for yourself. But I can tell you this, it involves a lot of actively pushing away the negative thoughts, and force yourself to think positive thoughts. I recommend that you google how to overcome insecurities. The web have been asked this question multiple times. The same advice will go for you as for any teenage girl worried about the size of her thighs.
If you can afford it, I strongly recommend therapy. It's so great to talk to someone who doesn't judge you and wont tell a soul.
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