A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Before I dated my husband I use to date only woman . But there was something about him that caught my eye and my heart. I started dating him and I got in a serious relationship with him and we marry. Things between us was good and we were even discussing in having a baby. But I find myself still very attractive to woman and my husband does not want to hear about it. He says that my feeling and attractions are a sin and that I will burn in hell if If I keep on holding these feelings. I don't know what to do I love him and I love him a lot but I'm always itching inside for the real me to come out. I never lied to him about my sexuality and told him I fell in love with him for who he was and how he made me feel, but now I feel worthless as a wife cause I don't think I can offer more. Please help this desperate house wife!!!
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female
reader, lover06 +, writes (30 March 2012):
I read all the comments, yes there are a couple good ones and others seems like they dont even know what they talking about and one of them telling you how to be a wife. god bless her poor soul, seems like shes inslaved in her own marriage . HE knew you like woman, and that you never dated a man. Boy did he think he can change you , and now he can't take the fact that you still have those feelings. It's not about open marriage , it's about respecting the fact that you still have those feelings. what does it mean ? and what happened ? He should have respected you, to sit and talk and find a soulotion together. not calling you names and saying burn in hell. I would not stay in a marriage to be slaved in, live alone to raise my kids in it. it's all on you now, you have to find answers without your so called husband. God bless you and may you find the answers and courage to stand for hearts true feelings. wish you all the best.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (3 March 2012):
 "But I find myself still very attractive to woman and my husband does not want to hear about it."It's not us that misunderstood, it's you who are now changing your story. Why should any partner want to hear that your attracted to someone else, man or woman, it doesn't matter, why would a loving wife tell her husband about her attraction for other people."but I'm always itching inside for the real me to come out."What is the real you? As far as I know the only difference between me and a lesbian is I only have sex with men, and she can have sex with girls. A bi-sexual woman can have sex with men or women. I have the same vagina as a bi-sexual woman, I may or may not wear make up, she may or may not wear make up, we both shit and piss and sleep, there is no job in the world that I can do that she can't do. What else makes a lesbian or bi-sexual woman different from me apart from who they have sex with.As I said, I believed you will cheat because some of your statements aren't that of a happy, contented, sexually fulfilled wife. Your a married woman who still identifies herself as lesbian. Lesbian's ONLY have sex with women. So you lied to your husband, you don't fancy him at all, why the hell did you get married to a man? A woman who is married to a man who suddenly comes out as homosexual would have the same angry feelings as your husband. It's not the sexuality that's the problem, it's marrying someone knowing that there is no sexual attraction there and you will always be dreaming of having sex with someone of a different gender."I married him because I fell inlove with him as a person".. Well tell him that your sexuality isn't an issue. However most people although they want to be loved, also need their partner to find them sexy and attractive. If your talking about your "attraction to women" and the "lesbian you that has to come out", of course you will have problems.If the guy bans you from having friends, then he is abusive and you need to leave him. If your guy keeps judging you on the basis of your past, then again, you need to leave him. He married you knowing your past sexual partners were women, if he didn't like it, he shouldn't have married you.But again, if you define yourself as a lesbian, mention your attraction to women, you are pushing this guy to insecurity and distrust and that might be the reason he acts the way he does. If your a lesbian, then get a divorce and find yourself a nice woman. If your a bi-sexual woman, then your sexuality should not be under attack. You now sleep with only your husband and that is the end of that.Go and talk to him. Put it in them terms. Faithful loving wives only sleep with husbands, that's why they married them. It doesn't matter if the wife is bi-sexual by default she's heterosexual, if she is faithful. Refuse to talk about your past sexuality, what does it matter who you slept with before, your experiences with women are now in your past.I have said the same thing to women who wonder if their guy is gay... If he's faithful, the sex is good, and you love one another, what the hell does it matter, he can't do anything anyway.You need to work out where you want to be, and then you need to leave the past behind, or get a divorce and go back to it. If you decide to stay, you are a wife, demand your husband treat you with the respect that you deserve.
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A
female
reader, Auntie5 +, writes (3 March 2012):
As far as your feelings go, only you can decide whether you love your husband enough to ignore your attraction to other women. If you're really a lesbian, rather than bisexual, then divorce might be the best option so you can be yourself. If you decide to stay with your husband, keep your attraction to women to yourself from now on. If he asks you whether you're still attracted to others, just remind him that you married HIM.I have to say that your husband's attitude stinks. You can't be alone with a woman friend? What about him--does he think it's okay for him to be alone with another woman? After all, he's attracted to women, too. He sounds potentially controlling. Plus, the whole "burning in hell" thing is hideous; a man who loves you wouldn't tell you that.I wouldn't have a child with him, either ... as other aunts have said, you don't want him indoctrinating your child with his attitude.Best wishes!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2012): OP we are Not mind readers nor do we like half stories or cryptic notes: i always say this and I will repeat (for others as well): when you post write the WHOLE story/situation. In that way we will have everything upfront : more clarity: more insight into a situation.OP after your last update 2 things should happen: Proper marital counselling OR divorce. You are hurting. He is hurting. He is insecure. He does not trust you. You still do have an itch you may want scratched But you do feel you can contain it. He is suspicious all the time. In his eyes you are already cheating : This is NOT what a marriage is all about. You and Him need to start actively communicating: it is going to be hard work, sweat and tears, wanting to throw in the towel BUT if you both put in 200% then you can salvage this marriage. However if one slackens, the only solution will be the end.Hard work but rewarding if counselling is done right. Good luck: its sad that you are hurting so but in the end you need to make a decision for yourself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2012): I can't have close friends nor women or man because I'm accused of having secret sexual thoughts. He thinks just because I was always attracted to women I can't be alone with one because according to him I will act out in a sexual encounter. I married him because I fell inlove with him as a person, I have not planned on cheating and only a close minded person or a very scorned women would think that when I said no such thing. My situation is that I'm reminded each hour of the day that I'm a Lesbian even if I act normal, if I show him love and only give him my attention. Maybe what I was looking for was for someone to see my view and see that maybe the only way out is through a divorce or maybe find a solution for my marriage to work.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 March 2012):
 Annalisa makes a good point. What is the problem if you are not considering cheating…. Are you just wanting him to accept that you find women attractive?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2012): Miamine, kudos to you gal! I hear you, i hear you!!!! I am soooo glad that another Aunt has decided to add her voice of reason and has unpacked this potential cheating scenario.
Good , wise, mature advice. well done!
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (1 March 2012):
Sorry, there is a big difference from your husband having problem with bi-sexual people. He doesn't otherwise he would never have married you. But bi-sexual people who think that this gives them reason to cheat and have sex with other people, of course sound sinful, they may wedding vows about being faithful, they marry people and tell them they will be faithful, and then change their mind and accept their partner to be ok with this...
I'm really wondering if the aunts would be as understanding if you were a man who was bi-sexual and wanting to cheat on your wife? Your husband will teach your children strong morals about not making promises they can't keep and going into marriage unless they are willing to make commitments.
Divorce, because a woman like you will cheat.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2012): For the record I never said I was or intended to cheat or bring another person in my relationship. Thanks to all of you for taking the time and offering me your advise,
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (1 March 2012):
Your not worthless as a wife or a woman, however, you agreed to marry him and you agreed to be faithful. Just because you fancy other women doesn't mean that cheating is right.
Suppose it was him, telling you all about the woman next door who turns him on and who he wants to have sex with. Actually you'd probably be alright with this, because you sound like you want an open marriage, where everyone can sleep with whoever they like and you can spend your time in bed telling each other about your latest affairs.... Your husband isn't like this, he wanted to marry a woman who understood the concept of being faithful and monogamous.
Keep your fantasies and lust to yourself, your hurting him when you keep on going on about people you want to sleep with. If you can't keep your lust under control, then please divorce him and stay single. You had no right to get married to anyone if you knew you couldn't be faithful.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2012): Bottom line: u both have different concepts of love, marriage and monogamy. He believes that marriage is 2 only. You want to add a 3rd or more.
Can you perhaps look at this situation from his point of view? Yes you have received advice to get the hell out of your marriage and that your hb is just plain vile to think his thoughts. He is after all only human: just as you are!
OP to each his own. But a few questions: did he ever give you any indication previously that he was okay sharing you with others? Did he ever give you any indications what his views were regarding a 3rd party/cheating? It is unfair to say that he will victamise his kids if they were gay: there is a big difference between having kids who are gay and having a spouse who is gay. You may disagree with me but it is what it is.
Yes many have condemned him but how many brave men and women will accept their other half telling them that their precious spouse actually prefers someone else? In essence this is what u are telling him.
So yes if you want that itch to be scratched then divorce your hb: he is never going to accept sharing with with another person and most definately not with another woman. I think you are dishonouring him by wanting him to accept another person in your marriage.
There is NOTHING WRONG being gay/lesbian/bisexual/straight/ monogamous and so forth: the issues occur when one partner has a different understanding and concept of marriage/committed relationships and monogamy.
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo +, writes (29 February 2012):
 To say such an awful small minded thing such as you will burn in hell, to the woman he is meant to love, is just unacceptable! You have never lied to him, if he did not like the way you are, he knew this from day one, he shouldnt have married one and then started saying such awful things. It is so disrespectful!
What Mandy said is true, if you have a child with this man we will want to raise that child to believe the same as him, that homosexuality is wrong and people burn in hell for how they feel, do you really want that??
As much as you love him as her person, he clearly cant love who you are as a person as he doesnt even accept it. You need to think if you can speand the rest of your life like this with someone who thinks these things of you. i certainly couldnt.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 February 2012):
Leave the marriage. Your feelings are not a sin. Your drives are who you are and what make you who you are.
I am bisexual. I am with a man now who is perfectly content to encourage me to find a woman to have a physical relationship with... I have opted NOT to at this point but we have left the option open for later on in the relationship....
how can you love a man who tells you that you are unnatural?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 February 2012):
 Mandy's right. YOU can choose to either: 1. Burn in Hell (as your "hubby" has suggested), or, 2. BURN IN THIS "marriage".......
The former is a remote possibility; the latter is a certainty.
Your choice...
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (29 February 2012):
 HI
How DARE he tell you such a thing. Get out of this marriage now, and be yourself. You were truthful from the start, what did he think, that it was a cold that you could recover from? you are who you are, and if you want to be happy in life and love you need to get out of this marriage. You may love him as a person, but you know in yourself thats all it is, and if you have a child with this man he will be in your life and telling you your going to go to hell for ever. Not to mention what he would be telling this child as it grows. no GET OUT.
Mandy xxxx
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