A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So i have been dating this guy for a year now, (we'll call him todd) which has been total bliss, except for this past month we have had a lot fights, resulting in us breaking up. i love him and care for him dearly, although i fear our relationship has been ruined by hurtful words we have both said to eachother. todd and i decided to date other people over a week ago, and i know hes been hanging out with other girls, and i have had several dates since then.i feel i need to be honest with him in all things, So when i first got a date recently, i called him up and told him, so he wouldnt get mad if he found out later. He told me good for me, and he is sad about it, but i deserve the best and he wants me to see if its out there. thats when we officially decided to continue to date other people...to see if we really can live without eachother, or if someone else can make us happier. He asked me to please not tell him anything more about guys im dating because he'd rather not know then be hurt. So heres where my guilt kicks in. I went on a date last night with this one guy, zack, i was totally interested in over a year ago (before i knew my boyfriend) so once zack found out i was single he took me out. we had a great night and i was really happy around him. to make a story short, this guy ended up kissing me. all i could think about during the kiss was my exboyfriend todd. im really diggin zack though, and hes already talking about taking me out a lot more, but my guilt is overwhelming me. i care emmensly for my old boyfriend todd, and we have a very close bond. i've been trying to comfort my guilt for kissing zack, by telling myself its okay because todd and i were broken up, and we're dating around to see what is right. Although i feel like i betrayed todd by kissing someone so quickly after we broke up.now heres the real kicker in the situation. my old boyfriend todd and i bought airflight tickets to hawaii over 2 months ago, and planning on going with all of todds family. we're supposed to leave in 2 weeks. our plan was to date openly for these next weeks until the trip, and then go on the trip together have a great time, and then afterwards discuss what we think about being single without each other. My dilemma is though that i cannot and wont lie to him. I am scared for him to ask if ive kissed anyone because i know he will be heart broken. also i know he would be very jealous, and that would plant a bad seed in a future relationship. I feel terrible because i care so deeply for him, and i have been beating myself up for being unfaithful even when broken up. i feel like a total slut even though i was and still am still liking the other guy. help me! sorry that this is so long. thanks to everyone who stuck through and read it all!
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female
reader, Shadowplay  +, writes (6 May 2009):
I wouldnt feel guilty as it sounds like he has does the same as he is seeing other girls....
Zack is probably confusing the matter! you need time to adjust to the fact you broken up. If this zack is interested in you, for more than a hook up he will stick around. Tell him you are not ready yet - it is too soon to date... And you are undecided about how you feel about "Todd" still!
Do you think you and Todd are still going to be friends? Friends go on holiday together.. maybe it would be good, as its with his family it wouldnt be as intense as just the two of you. it would be good, to build bridges at least else you may drift apart. Thats what i think id like to do in your position anyway.
Sounds like your feelings for each other are still strong, so the holiday could be perfect to decide what happens. You must be close so either way i hope it works out well. x
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