A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have recently joined this ladies' club. It is a social club. We get together once a month and go out for dinner and drinks or do various activities. I honestly do not know a lot of people in the group well, but there are a few people who I know and really like which is why I joined. The people who I know are friends of mine through Girl Scouts, we have kids the same age, we carpool to our kids sports activities together, we are neighbors, etc. I am on very friendly terms with all of them. However, even though we are friends (not close friends) through these other things I have mentioned, they all seem to have their own buddies who they carpool with to and from the club activities. One time I carpooled with my co-leader of my daughter's Girl Scout Troop. We had fun! The next time one of her friends offered that I could go with them, but I got the impression that my friend did not like this. She told me she may go later, but she did not invite me to come along. I do not feel comfortable going by myself to the activities as I do not feel that I know enough people. My neighbor down the street is such a nice person. We are on very friendly terms, but I would not say that we are friends if you want to get technical about it. I have offered her a ride to the activities several times, but she always declined. I am really offended by this. I feel that my friends have really let me down. I feel that I am a likable person. Can you help me to understand why people may not want to include me? Am I wrong to feel slighted? Am I wrong in expecting them to include me? Do I need to be more forward and ask, "Do you mind if I go with you?" O I need to be less forward, and maybe someone will offer a ride? Do I need to continue to be friendly to those who have not offered and pretend like nothing happened? Does anyone have any advice about the best way to include myself?I am looking forward to some helpful insight and advice. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt is the people who I know best who seem to have other friends in the group, who do not seem to want to share their carpool, etc., even though most of the time there are only two who carpool. You know how it is--even though we are friends in other circumstances, they seem to have their own buddies in this group. People get used to their routine and don't want it interrupted. Maybe they are lacking in self-confidence and do not want to share their friends.Any other suggestions?
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (5 May 2009):
I think you just need to take a chance and ask "can I come along with you as I don't know many people."
Also, make friends with the other women in the group, not just the ones you know. That way you will have new people to car share with.
I know it's a bit awkward but if you really wanted to then you could always ask one of the women you are close to if there is any reason why the others seem to be avoiding you.
This can all be fixed with talking.
Good Luck!! xx
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