A
female
age
30-35,
*nonymous82889
writes:Hi, i have been dating a boy that i love with all my heart for 1 year and 7 month. I am not going to go off saying hes completely horrible because i dont think he is. sometime he is very sweet and caring. I met him second year of college and i left my three year relationship for him and i honestly can say i never loved anyone as much as him. We were good for the first 6 months, everything was perfect. HE used to care when i was sad and would fix everything. One time we were both drunk and i was bugging him while he was sleeping ( i do not remember why) and he tried to kick me out of his house at 4 in the morning but instead i went back to sleep in his bed after he verbally abused me and spit in my face. that next day he broke up with me and i was a mess, i didnt call or text him but he eventually came back and asked me back. i loved it, after a while we were good again. What happened next was that him and i were always fighting, and i guess i could say i started the fights because i was getting offended about everything. Now when i cry he doesnt care, he says it disgusts him when i cry and im annoying and ALWAYS around, which was true because i was basically living with him. a second time we broke up because i was really really drunk and acted stupid, i dont even remember what i did but all i know is he broke up with me a second time saying that i was crazy which i will admit i was. He was so mad at me that he threaten to leave my house and i tried to resolve it. i told him i was sorry and begged him to stay. he didnt want to stay he kicked holes all over my room and tried to leave and as i pulled him back he held me down by my neck and choked me a little and then when i still was like please dont leave im sorry please, he then pulled my hair back and ripped my hair out of my head and then spit on my face again saying i dont love you, stupid whore. i begged him back after we broke up and honestly i never fought with him drunk again. What happen now is that we were good arguing over dumb thing because he likes to joke and sometimes i get offended. one day we were eating lunch and i asked him if he thought the relationship was good and and he said no we still fight a lot and it lead to bigger things then he said i didnt give him space and i was smothering him and he hates it when i cry because it makes me look disgusting and its annoying. i was smothering him tho because i was sleeping at his house every night so what happened was that i begged him back again. i told him id change and everything. so now i have been giving him more space not calling or texting first. i want it to work out ,but i dont know what to do. i feel like i should leave him because he never wants to talk about anything, whenever we fight he just wants me to drop it. i think that him and i should be able to communicate but he just says horrible skin deep type of things to me. i dont know what to do or how to get him to miss me and want me again. pleasee help
View related questions:
broke up, drunk, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AngellicaWaters +, writes (16 December 2009):
 I'm sorry you are in a relationship that is causing you this much pain. There are several problems here and I will try to address each of them for you, but they are all pretty connected.
The first thing is that both of you have lost respect for one another and based upon his behavior, it's questionable whether or not he ever had respect for you.
It sounds like he was on his best behavior for the beginning of this relationship in order to 'get you.' He certainly isn't treating you with any respect now.
In a happy, successful relationship you work to improve and maintain your respect for one another. His lack of caring about your feelings is a big red flag on the no respect scale.
Doing nice things occasionally for you is great, except what about the rest of the time? Do you really want to have to play games in a relationship to maintain someone's interest?
Wouldn't you rather be with someone who really likes you and loves to be sweet to you the majority of the time? If your answer is yes, then you can be! He's out there looking for you too.
The second thing is how you act while you are drunk. A nicer guy would not have spit in your face or treated you badly, but if drinking is causing you to have behavior problems (and it does for so many people), why do it?
You have to act sweetly to make someone want to treat you sweetly. If drinking is not helping your behavior, it won't help a relationship. It will only hurt it.
It seems like you are really looking for lasting love, but love alone isn't enough to make a relationship last. You have to have respect for each other and you have to be compatible.
Respect is so vital and important, once you lose respect for each other, it's very hard to get it back. It seems like your boyfriend isn't interested in improving himself or this relationship with you.
Compatibility is so often overlooked when people find one another. If you don't have enough in common or similar goals (present and future) how can you be a team working together toward something positive (a successful, happy relationship)?
A great, healthy relationship is one where both people can share mutual goals and grow together into better people. It should bring out the best in both of you, not the worst.
No amount of playing hard to get with your boyfriend will make this relationship turn out successful. This isn't a person who is going to change for you, he is just bringing you down with him.
I hope these are enough reasons for you to move on. Can you really imagine spending the rest of your life with a person like this? Can you imagine having healthy, happy children when their father chokes and spits on their mother? You know the answer here. It's a big NO. You know you want better than this!
It's hard to leave someone you love, but it's better to do so and find someone you can love who will make you happy.
Love doesn't automatically come with happiness attached, you have to find the right person for you, not just someone you can love.
There are a lot of those people out there that you could love, but they are not all right or healthy for you, so you have to find the best fit for you.
When you do date other people, don't get attached too quickly. Really get to know someone well before you take big emotional risks. Make sure he is truly a good person for you.
I really hope this advice helps you, I know from experience how hard it is to leave a relationship where you still love each other, but you are just not meant to be together.
Once you move on, it will get better and then you can find a really great guy who is good for you. Searching for that person can be a wonderful adventure.
I wish you all the best.
-Angellica Waters :-)
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (16 December 2009):
 he doesnt sound like the catch of the century so why do you want him in your life anyway?
...............................
|
