A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am getting married in less than a year ( I think so anyways)and my fiancee and I have been together for almost 6 years now and have a 4 year old. I am completely stressed with everything that I have to do. I do not feel appreciated at all and some times I feel mad and just unhappy. My fiancee is lazy and when I ask him nicely to do something like take out the garbage he thinks I am demanding it and it never gets done unless I do it myself. He is on the computer from the time he gets home until late and on the weekends. I cant even get him to go to the store with me just for some time together. How pathetic!! We barely have a sex life and I feel completely unattractive to him (especially after having a child). He also doesnt spend time with his daughter and doesnt pay much attention to her at all. I do everything from working my own business, then cleaning our house, laundry, dishes, and take care of our daughter by myself. Not to mention I have taken her to every doctors appointment and school for four years by myself. I feel like he is not even there. He also never asks me how my day was and I cant even vent to him about something without him disagreeing or criticizing me. I love him with all my heart and believe me we have been through alot. I have almost left him many times but have always come back due to his begging and "I will change". That only stays for a short amount of time and then goes back to the way it was. My heart tells me to stay because he is a part of me but I am always thinking would I be better off without him? I cry alot when I am not around him because he is not an emotional person. What do I do? Am I staying because I feel obligated to? Please help, I am breaking down to nothing and I dont want my daughter to see that so I hide it. My heart is getting torn apart!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou everyone for your help and advice. For anyone that has been through this then you know its hard to take the next step. I am going to do what I can to make my daughter happy because she is the joy of my life and I would put her before me anyday. I have taken a step to start premarital counseling and he has agreed. So hopefully that will help. If it doesnt then I know that he wont change. I just needed someone to tell me what I need to do because its hard to decide on my own without going in the wrong direction with mixed emotions. Thankyou very much and I wish myself luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2008): I think that when something is making you unhappy you should walk away from it. You cannot keep crying and trying to look strong for your daughter. This man either needs to be part of the family and do his part or he needs to be let go of. Its a tough choice but you need to save your love for someone that will be there for you. He doesn't sound good for you. You are not half of someone else... you will make it on your own (you already are)!! I think you will find that he needs you more than you need him. Good luck x
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A
female
reader, pepper27  +, writes (21 July 2008):
 Hi Hunny
You really sound very unhappy and this if its not changed in the times you have given it to change well sweetheart it does not sound as if things will. You could ask for couples counselling and see were that takes you hunny, But from what you have just said it sounds very much like my first marriage and I was deeply unhappy..I left when my son was 12 and my youngest was 5 as I could see it affecting my eldest son and didnt want the same for my youngest, If you have tryed everything you can to make this better then you really need to think of you now as I found I was much happier when it was me and the children as my husband did nothing with us or showed any interest I lost nothing but a house and that is bricks and mortar..My health was far more important as I was and am a mother and my children are the most important if they are unhappy then I will be more so..Im so sorry you are going through this hunny if you need a chat at anytime please message me ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU ARE SPECIAL AND TAKE CARE OF YOU AND YOUR LITTLE ONE WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, junebug +, writes (21 July 2008):
honestly my friend was in ur position and of course she left him and he wanted her back but she felt free and better bout herself. You dont seem like a dumb girl! U know deep down side u should leave. Just follow ur heart but use ur head.u stressed out and he doesnt relize what all u do so maybe u should leave 4 a longer time then when he begged for u back tell him how it is . That ur sick of the crap but u love him but dont wanna spend the rest of ur life feeling this way about yourself when ur 2gether.i wish u the best of luck.i hope everything happens for the better! :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2008): You dont leave because your afraid of the unknown.
At least right now you know what to expect 'not much'
You need to dump this guy. The only one that can appreciate you is YOU! HE will never change because he knows he does not have too. You keep coming back.
Get some self esteem and respect for yourself and your child and move on! You set the boundaries for a change and tell him how it is going to be.
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