A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My past boyfriends have been abusive towards me and before I got with the guy I'm with now I told him that I was afraid to get hurt again and he promised me that he wouldn't ever hurt me. Well we've been together for 8 months now and he's hit me at least 4 times already. He says that he's never done that to any other girl and he says its becuz of me and that's what my ex said too. Is it my fault or am I just getting with jerks? And what can I do, he's so ignorant to me and I do everything I can for him
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female
reader, Midge  +, writes (21 July 2008):
 Dont worry sweetheart I used to suffer from the same syndrome. You are somehow attracted to every asshole that walks the earth. But dont worry you do grow out of it!
Anyone that EVER tells you that they hit you because of YOU, deserves to be shot at point blank range in the head! Someone doesnt hit another because of them, the asshole hits you because you are his new improved punchbag.
The only thing I can recommend is leave the idiot! Anyone ever hits you again, you kick them where it hurts most and leave immediately! The problem is HIM, not YOU!
Tell the jerk that you are worth more than him, and that his constant abuse proves that he doesnt care or love you. Anyone that cares or loves another would never put them in the situation he has put you in.
Leave now..........dont waist your time with loosers!
I now have a man that loves me and who I love and who has NEVER even so much as lifted his hand to me. The fact that he is still alive is testiment to that! Any man ever hits me, he had better learn to sleep with his eyes open!
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (21 July 2008):
 Most likely you just keep picking assholes.
Why do you think it might be your fault? Did you do something that could be an excuse for him loosing his temper 4 times? Kill his puppy? Sleep with his 12 year old brother. Burn down the house.
Mind you, doing that 4 times seems a bit unlikely.
So most likely, you just pick bad guys because abusive partners ALWAYS blame it on the other. It is never the abusers fault, it is the world, the boss, work, ethnic group X, their partner.
As for why you keep falling for these type of guys, well that is for you to answer. It is usually a safe bet that you got the wrong rolemodels when you grew up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2008): You will be treated how you allow people to treat you... Always remember that. No-one has the right to hurt you and you should never blame yourself. After the first time he hit you, he should of been history! Don't let this happen to you. Let him go...
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A
male
reader, pio5  +, writes (21 July 2008):
HIT YOU 4 times! A men who hits his woman either feels inferior to her and knows only one way to show he's as good or else he's is a complete ******* and is venting his suppressed anger towards someone else on his woman. My situation - she's hurt me like mad, I feel so angry that I'd chew her head off, I vent some anger by going for a jog. After I meet her and talk. Sure I shout a bit, but would never dream of hitting her. I left her now and am happy in a new relationship.He who hits needs to seek counselling - it is NEVER your fault.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (21 July 2008):
 You are not responsible for who is attracted to you.
You are not responsible for who you are attracted to.
But you ARE responsible for who you CHOOSE TO DATE.
And you are fully responsible for STAYING with an abusive man after he hits you.
He hit you 4 times? Wasn't the first time enough for you to stop seeing him?
-Frank B Kermit
www.frankadviceforwomen.com
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A
female
reader, Tremor  +, writes (21 July 2008):
 Him saying it's your fault, or that you drove him to it, is a common excuse among abusive men - that is probably why your ex said it too.
Don't buy it - it is NOT your fault. There is NEVER any excuse for him to hit you. As annoyed as he may get with you, it is his decision to raise his hand to you, and it is never acceptable.
He not only hit you, he broke his promise that he wouldn't. I would also wonder about his claim that he's never done it before.
Your best bet is to leave him, he's not good for you.
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