A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey, so I've been married for about 9 months Im 27 years old and my husband is 28, my husband and I rarely have sex, I'm lucky if it happens 2 a month. We dated for many years (11) and our sex life was great and as soon as we got married it all stopped. On our honeymoon I cried myself to sleep because he wouldn't touch me, I've tried everything since then, I've read books, I compliment him and we've talked about it and he simply says he is tired, or stressed, i hit the gym every day, buy new lingerie, dye my hair got a new look and he says its not me that he loves me. I love him too but I've been feeling rejected, unattractive and unwanted, unloved I feel tired of trying so hard and getting nothing in return. We've talked about how important physical touch is to me, i tell him how i need to be kissed and hugged and he just tells me he doesnt like to be so touchy and I tell him I need to feel loved and that I feel most loved through physical touch he just doesn't get it and yes he know how this makes me feel and he still doesn't make a change. Im seriously questioning this relationship its come to the point in which I feel that that once a month sex is charity, i feel like my soul is slowly dying.Advice needed!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2010): I had a relationship with a guy like this. He was lovely, but just not into sex. I think some people just are not. In these days where everybody has to be hyper sexed there is no place for people who are not. I felt for him, but my own feelings of inadequacy were too much and we split up as a result.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks For all your advise We did talk about it this morning,he said it was hard for him to show emotion because his parents never did and he said he was going to try to be more sensitive. on our honeymoon he did ask why i cried but just brushed it off, he tends to ignore sticky situations. Thanks to all of you it was wonderful to get this off my chest and to find courage to talk about this with my husband. and as for the question of our sex life declining we never lived together so every chance we got we took advantage and we saw each other everyday, so no not really it was good, :) thanks again
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 June 2010):
 Im with CaringGuy, butt kicking is in order. This isn't something you can just adjust to or overlook. He hasn't touched you... And you cried yourself to sleep during the honeymoon. If this is all true, did he not ask you why you cried? And how did he react? And you are absolutely sure this happened after the marriage, not declining before you got married?
I've heard of sex drive differences, but if things were fine up until 9 months ago there is no excuse. He must have gotten lazy or something, and you deserve an answer! Even if he doesn't feel the need to be intimate he has to respect your needs! Im so sorry to hear this, but there might be hope. Just get him to open up and get to the bottom of this. And lay it out for him once and for all: this is ruining not only the relationship, but you as well!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2010): What?! Is he gay??
He is being really rude not giving you anything ever, tell him until he gets the message!! Or if he isn't ask about an open relationship??
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (1 June 2010):
It's time for you to kick some ass. Sometimes, men get lazy and need a jolt to kick them into gear again. Maybe he's stressed, tired, whatever. But you need to tell him straight that you are now questioning the relationship because he just doesn't seem to care about you or love you. If that doesn't kick him into gear, nothing will.
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