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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi. I'm in need of some serious advice because I just don’t know what to do. My ex broke up with me last January after 4 years together and 2 years engaged, the last 6 months were very turbulent, this was because I was working 24/7 trying to get money to pay the bills, because she wasn’t working and was at uni, but she slept so much, and because I went to work and she slept a lot in the day, I would always be tired when I got home and would fall asleep on the sofa quite easy and she would have a go at me for not spending time with her, which I can see a bit from her point, but everything I was doing was for us, and we also met on the internet and she is from down south and moved up to me, for me, and that was always a strain because she never had many friends at uni until recently and I had to play the role of boyfriend, friend and family and I gave up all my friends for her because I thought it was the right thing to do by her.When we finally broke up its because she was flirting with a number of people and wanted to go to the cinema with this guy she had only just met in a club through my aunt, and I didn’t like it, and she said I was being stupid and jealous etc. Anyway, when we broke up, it killed me. I was hurt and angry, and straight away I was trying to move on, maybe a little too quick. I said a lot of hurtful things to her over the next month after the break up and I wanted her to see I was moving on, and I wanted her to feel like what I did when she broke up with me. I know that is wrong now.My problem is now though, in April we were getting on a lot better and we met up in the middle of April to discuss the house we had and what to do with it and we discussed us and she said she needed time before anything happened. Well when I saw her I knew I wanted to win her back, I will always love her, she is the only woman I have not been scared to love, and things were getting better between us, texting more seeing each other more, since may 22nd we have text a lot, been to a restaurant, gone for walks, gone out clubbing, a lot of the things we should of done but didn’t when we were together, and last weekend end we even shared kisses and we slept together. I thought things were going great and they were and are, but she says she needs time, and wants to be friends. I agreed to this because I really don’t want to lose her, but I don’t want to be friends, I want to be her boyfriend. We have both said it will never be never but I think I will always be in the friend’s box now. I just want to hold her and kiss her and I have tried fighting for her again, I sent her letters, sent her pic and poem of the ?? loves ?? in the tree I wrote it in when we were together. I just want her back but I need advice pleaseeee. Thank you and sorry for the long message.
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broke up, clubbing, engaged, flirt, jealous, money, move on, my ex, text, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 June 2010):
 My advice.. let her go. Your relationship ran its course and she no longer wanted you. You will be able to love again.
A
female
reader, precious1  +, writes (1 June 2010):
move on...people don't realize what they have until it's gone, she had it easy with you and knows it, but it seems she has in her mind why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. try pulling back, be friendly about it, but loosen her grip on you and when she your interest is no longer in her, she will start singing a different tune
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A
female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (1 June 2010):
keep in mind if she doesnt come back then this is just a phase and that she is not meant for you.. i mean how can you give up after so many years? everything has its ups and downs.. if she doesnt come back than that is her losss, and your gain..
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A
female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (1 June 2010):
MAKE IT CLEARRR i am in the same situation right noww my ex boyfriend wants to stay friends quit playing with each others emotions, either its bouyfriend or gf or nothing. come one that stuff will only lead to more hurt.. tell her your are willing to sacrifice, if she cant appreciate, than she is not the one for you.... i am in the same situation, you only truly appreciate someone once you loose them.. and in a way you should stop talking to her an babying her, and being nice.. stop contact.. i gareentee you she will be back...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2010): Hello,
You sacrificed a lot to please her. Working taking care of her etc.
You mentioned she needs time, and wants to be friends. Do you know forsure she isn't seeing someone else? Or maybe wants to be single to explore different avenues?
From the sounds of things she's hestitant which means she's over you, maybe seeing another, or simply wants to have her freedom.
Things may change she may realize how much you care for her and what u mean to her. Be patient see what happens. In the meantime continue to express how you feel to her, and see what happens.
Good luck
;D
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A
female
reader, hmm152  +, writes (1 June 2010):
U won't like my answer, but it's only my opinion, others may feel differently. There are huge similarities in what u have described in what happened to me in a relationship i was in - together 4 yrs, engaged nearly 2, lived together, moved closer to his family, he supported me while i was at uni etc etc. Thing is - i always got the feeling he felt i owed him something. Although we don't speak anymore (and hopefully never again to be honest) i do appreciate everything he did for me at the start, but it was all material. He said some horrendous things to me when we had fights, which just completely filled me with resentment. Im an attractive slim woman, but he would call me fat, ugly and disgusting - purely to make me feel insecure and take away my confidence, and even though i don't believe the things he said, under the surface it has left me with huge insecurities about who i am. Guess what im trying to say is: she has been hurt by your viciousness (although i understand u only behaved that way because u were hurt yourself) is probably worried that if she tells u something u don't want to hear, that you'll behave that way again, and she can't be bothered with the hassle. U both resent each other - if u got back together, she'd annoy u with her little habits, like sleeping too much and making u feel like she's making a mug out of u. People don't change easily. As soon as there's resentment, relationships are pretty much doomed, as the resentment only manifests.
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