A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:What should i do?Well, i love my girlfriend and she loves me. We have been going out now for 10 months and she told me at 6 months that she had decided to practice abstinence at a young age, and she had expected for me to break up with her. I did not because i love her and respect that she wants to do that, and will do it with her. But soon after we discussed things like third base and bj, handjob, and etc for both sides and she said she would have to contemplate and comes to that she feels it would cross her ideal of staying a virgin. We are at 2nd base meaning the touching but only above waste but with shirt on and bra. i haven't gotten any further than this with her, and its bothering me more and more it feels like she doesnt trust me or believe in me. Now i start feeling a little less intrigued in teh relationship, but i still love her and she seems to me like shes not trying for the relationship and its that im doing all the work to keep the relationship. And after i told my friend it feels like trying so hard to a barely living relationship she jokes then just break up. and slowly that thought has been echoing in my head and its making me see my girlfriend's faults more and more. and they are just starting to eat at me along with everything else. Things just seem to get tougher and tougher because the time inwhich i get to see her gets more and more limited because of her parents. I have been thinking of sticking it out and to keep trying and try to get her to try some more but its difficult because i dont want to come on too strong saying your not trying and this is a one sided relationship. Shes very caring and loving but she fails at showing her emotions and not so great about sexual topics. I Really love her and want to be with her and i just dont know the right things to do to try to get her to put more effort or show that shes putting effort in this relationship.
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hand-job, second base, third base Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2010): Here is the advice you would get if you were an adult female with a man who was not willing to have sex with her: What you want is understandable and normal. You have every right to demand it. But if he is not willing to give it then you need to move on. Nobody, including him, should hold it against you for breaking up over it.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 December 2010):
 I don't see why you want her to put an " effort " in the relationship that would defy her stringent criteria of virginity.
It sounds as she means virginity not as an intact hymen- but as purity, of body and thoughts. That's a strict and nowadays unusual choice, but at least a coherent one.
I am an ex "bad girl " ( or at least a "not so good " one ) and frankly saving myself for marriage was the least of my concerns . But ,if one has this concern, it makes much more sense to follow through as strictly as possible.
What 's so virginal in a girl that stops at penetration but does oral ? It's always about seeking sexual release, just different orifices. What's so chaste in a girl ( I am talking in general, not about yours ) who has not been deflorated but has seen and touched and handled different penises ?
I think you need to discuss more deeply what are your gf's
limits, what 's her definition of "abstinence ", and what moral vision there's behind it, rather than blindly battling for a few inches of skin more or inches of fabric less. You don't have to be Ok with her mentality and you can leave her if you are unhappy about it- but you should not pressure her or trick her into altering her standards
to suit your needs.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2010): Power to this woman.
She has good values and you are trying to make her go against them.
You obviously have different values. She probably wants to be intimate only with the person she marries, not some statistic or notch on your belt.
The person she marries, who ideally would reflect her values, wouldn't have to worry about all her relationship and/or sexual baggage.
Let's face it, you have ulterior motives.
Move on and leave this rarer soul alone.
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A
female
reader, iAMnotYou +, writes (18 December 2010):
 hi there! (: I can see both sides of this story.Meaning I've been on your side of the situation, but also your girlfriend's side.My first relationship ended because i was too much of a prude and too afraid of any contact. Although it ended on a good note, seeing as were still good friends.I never felt happy as i was before afterwards, which lead me to defy my own morals. My advice, if you love her, hold on to her. If you're meant to be, you're meant to be. You'll get married and the first time you ever make that step, the first time you cross that line, will be a beutiful moment.best of luckiAMnotYou
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