A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have recently discovered that I am bisexual and have lately been having an urge to perform oral sex on other men. I know for a fact that none of my male friends are gay or bisexual and I don't know how to handle these desires, what should I do?
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male
reader, Dave2007 +, writes (29 April 2007):
OK, Here is my first major piece of advice:-
DO NOT GO TO GAR BARS OR JOIN GAY WEBSITES AND CHAT ROOMS! I will explain why.
It is just too easy to get sex (of any kind) with other men and if you enter into these fields you will be taken off into a path of which you do not want to travel. In short, you will begin obtaining oral sex quite easily, you'll want more of it, you'll go back for more and pretty soon your sex drive is being satisfied by men rather than women. I promise you I speak from experience here.
Although many people may not believe it there are plenty of guys out there, who simply want to try things with their own sex and are purely bi or bi curious. On the surface this may seem like an impossible task to achieve in their own environment (meaning not going to gay clubs or logging into chat rooms etc) but it can be done. The key is DON'T FORCE ANYTHING AND BE PATIENT!
The advice given about watching porn is spot on and exactly what I would have given myself. However I would add that (in my opinion) watching porn is a sexual act in itself - and it's purely there to evoke sexual arosal. Any men who choose to watch porn with other guys must seek some sense of arosal by that act in itself. Based on this it's a pretty safe bet to say that anyone watching the porn with you could be 'open minded' about how something phyically happening between you. If a guy doesn't like watching porn with other guys or immediately gets uncomfortable about porn being played in company then I would say it's pretty likely this is not a guy you should persue anything with - and that's fair enough.
Also, it's worth me pointing out that (in my experience) bi and bi curious guys are frustratingly diverse in what turns them on. Whilst one guy might be well up for the idea of you giving him oral sex, another may not like this idea at all, but be really turned on by the idea of just wanking with you. Some bi guys might like the idea of touching your cock, others might just want to snog, whilst that idea could repel...as you can see it's a can of worms and in my experience you have to go gently, because you really do not know what turns this guy on you are with until he lets his sexual guard do - and by that stage the ball is rolling!! I would advice that if the other guy moves in to do something you don't particularly want to do (eg kiss, body contact etc) DO NOT PULL AWAY it will make him feel terrible and utterly ashamed. Try and be fair, you want to suck a guys cock - but that guy you're with may not want his cock sucked but let you do it because he's hoping to kiss a guy. Of course don't do anything you don't want to do..but by the same token remember it's all about give and take. You are hoping he will be open minded so don't close your mind off to something he is turned on by and certainly DO NOT humilate him by pulling away and saying "No mate not up for that!" Really do try and if it is freaking you out a bit then just try and move the action to another area so to speak.
Finally, be prepared for a complete change of mood once he (and you) have cum. This will be instantanious and reactions to the preceeding act may vary. It's very common for the guy to freak out, get moody and want to get the hell out. Because of this DO NOT let him cum first, or else you will be left horny as hell and feeling very humiliated - as he's doing a runner! The safest bet is to make sure you both cum at the same time, include this in the act and talk frankly about it - saying you have to shoot at the same time. That way afterwards, you will both be in the same place and feeling the same (whether its good or bad). After you have cum (and this sounds like such a bloke thing to say) pretend like nothings happened and change the subject, it's vital you remain in each others company for some time afterwards, as this will prevent any awkwardness later on (say if you meet up with other mates in the pub a few days later or something). At this stage just gear it back to the pair of you as mates watching the telly at home or having a drink. As a safe bet a good hour (after cumming) is the least you should spend with each other before you part company.
If you find a 'buddy' don't feel you ever have to refer to the private fun you have outside the fun itself. All he needs is the odd cue from you so maybe after the pub you could say "Hey mate, do you fancy coming back to mine for a couple of cans and watch the telly?" he'll know exactly what you mean! Don't spell it out again when your on your own - just say "fancy watching a bit of porn?" he'll almost certainly say yes (as he wants the repeat of the last time or else he probably wouldn't be there) but if he says no - then leave it there! And remember it's a two way (and if you're sometimes lucky!) a three way thing - so pay attention to his signals too! And most importantly just take it all as a bit of fun and never get to serious about it!
A
female
reader, Keria +, writes (20 April 2007):
I re-read my answer, and I think it isn't clear. My suggestion was that wwhen you are watching that boy-boy-girl porn, and you've already become comfortable masturbating together... that's when you want to maybe sit a little closer. Give him your hand. If you need to, reasure him that this is perfectly normal, and you are just a couple of guys having fun, and you are not gay. He might need a lot of reasurance after, because if he really enjoys it, he's going to be questioning his own sexuality. Let him know you aren't gay, and he isn't either.
I'd love to hear how it goes!
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A
female
reader, Keria +, writes (20 April 2007):
Have you ever actually given guys blowjobs? Fantasizing about it isn't the same as actually doing it. Many many people are bisexual in their heads, but no enough to truly enjoy doing it. When you want to give guys blowjobs, is it only a certain straight guy-type with a certain physique? Do you think you could enjoy semen in your mouth?
How do you know for sure your friends aren't bisexual? Have you talked to them about it? Did you admit to any of them that you are? If not, and they don't suspect you, then how do you know you don't have friends in exactly the same boat as you?
What if you got together with a friend and watched some porn.... You could get together say once a week or so, watch girl on girl action, watch some hot heterosexual stuff... and get to where you can both mastrubate in the same room as each other. Then after a few weeks, why not "accidently" slip in a MMF 3-some DVD. At first you can pretend you don't like it, but then say, ah what the hell, lets watch it anyway. You might just be surprised. It will be much easier to watch though if it has a woman in it. If it's just two guys, that could be a turn-off for your friend who is just starting to become a little sexually confused. You will probably want to take it easy though, and not do that every time. Maybe go a few more weeks back to just heterosexual and girl on girl action.
I have a close bi friend who used this strategy, and it worked for him.
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A
male
reader, macboy  +, writes (20 April 2007):
 Everyone here says to just rush in.
From experience, I personally think you should wait a while. Don't rush into gay clubs and such. You might not be gay.
Just do what you feel comfortable with.
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A
female
reader, rena +, writes (20 April 2007):
go to a gay club and you will be able to meet other gay people there and see what happens
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2007): 1. Masturbate.
2. Join a gay dating website.
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