A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating on and off for a little over 3 years. During a year-long break after 2.5 years of dating, he began to hang out with a group of girls, and continued to hang out with the same group of girls after we got back together. Now, I have absolutely no problem with him hanging out with these two girls; I do have a problem with him drinking and getting high with them, not because I have any objections to those activities, but because I do not want him spending the night at another girl's house. He is now angry because his inability to drink with his friends is causing their friendship to fall apart. I think that a relationship revolving around drinking and spending the night in another girl's house is completely shady.Am I being unreasonable? He seems to think so and it is causing a large rift in our relationship.
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female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (14 July 2011):
 This really doesn't seem like the right relationship for either of you. If he isn't going to listen when something is really important to you, he's not the right guy.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe definitely does not have substance abuse issues, but his friends party multiple times a week and invite him to join them. He even changed his work schedule so he could party any day of week (leaving week-day evenings unavailable for dates-another little nitpicky issue).
I don't have many guy friends, and I certainly do not spend the night at their apartments if I do party with them; I sleep on the floor of a girl's room.
The whole situation does freak me out, because I am not extremely trusting to begin with, and my boyfriend does not have a reputation for being a brilliant or mature drunk (i.e. streaking/flashing).
He really angered me during our last discussion when he said he "sees both sides of the argument", but said that his reason-wanting to see his friends-is "good" while my reason-not trusting him- is "bad". Well, I quipped that he can see his friends sober anytime or can go to the parties and not drink so he can drive home; he then replied he wants to get drunk with them.
It's reached a point where I backed down and said he can do whatever he wants, but I am more upset than ever.
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A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (13 July 2011):
You're completely resonable, and this guy sounds like a jerk. Find someone who is intelligent and respectful instead of a guy who thinks it's more important to go get high than to have a relationship.
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A
female
reader, MsPetunia  +, writes (13 July 2011):
No, you are not. Is he ok with you doing these things with other guys? Obviously it bothers you so you are not ok with it. He needs to respect your feelings and if he doesn't how long are you willing to put up with it?
It also sounds like he has a substance abuse problem. Are you willing to live with this issue too? How long until you are drained and realize YOU CAN'T CHANGE HIM.
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