A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:please give some advice i am currently going through a seperation after 14 years together because weve become friends not lovers. we have 3 young children together. during this seperation ive become attached to a guy 7 years younger than me hes single and never had children. we have never met for a drink because he was waiting for my husband to move out first, i have always been straight with him and told him whats going on. we have sent each other texts over the last few months yet although he says hes interested in me it always semms to be me who texts first and then find myself waiting for his reply. when he has replied its normally because he wants me to talk dirty with him and then says he cant wait to meet up with me, if i try to talk about us he dosent always reply and find myself keep sending him more messages do i have a problem or is it him because everytime i confront him about why he dosent reply or tell him how i feel about him he always tells me to f off. because he is like this i find i tend to push him even more and he tells me im mad and acting like a child and tells me again to f off if i cant handle things. He seems the sort of guy who dosent want to listen to how im feeling?? i told him my husband is leaving soon does he want to meet to which he now says that im nagging him and pressurising him? he has no ties so i dont see any harm in asking him but now he has made me feel really silly because ive been chasing him have i drove him away or does he have a problem? weve had a couple of phone converations and when i ask him anything he says i should chill out a bit i told him i only wanted to know where i stand with him but he just gets aggressive with me. have i been to pushy or is he just selfish? he has admitted to me he is very stubborn and if i dont like it i should leave him alone. Im confused have i caused his behaviour? i feel stupid like ive acted like a teenager.
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (4 November 2007):
 You're trying to build one relationship before the other is officially dead. You've built this up in your head to the point that you're already getting angry at this guy who you've never even met with yet. Did I get that part correct? He's in his 20's and he's horny. You're already doing things with him that, had you done them with your husband, you might still be married.
It's strange how people get excited and put so much effort into new relationships while not seeing the old relationship would have flourished had it received the same attention.
You're both acting like teenagers. All he wants is SEX...understand that. He has the patience to ask you to talk dirty but tells you to Fuck Off at other times. Is this a nice guy? Be careful, the devil yo know is often better than the devil you don't know.
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (4 November 2007):
 You can't cause anyone else's behavior. Not possible. You haven't been pushy or selfish. You're lucky these issues came up now. You need to leave him alone. He's not all there. It also seems as if he's a control freak. Get together with him, he'll be calling all the shots. He's the type of person who checks your mileage when you go somewhere. Takes your keys so you can't leave the house when he goes to work. Tells you when you can spend time with your child and when you aren't allowed. Takes the phone so you can't call anyone. If you don't submit to his wished, he'll beat your ass, or pop you in the mouth for talking back. He'll tell you what to cook, and when to have it ready. He'll pick your friends and alienate you with your family. Check your cash and balance them against your receipts even if you only bought a pop. If you don't answer his phone call within a certain period of time, you must be sleeping with someone else. If you're not in the mood, too bad, if he is, he's getting it.
I sure hope I answered your question. No you didn't cause any of this behavior. It's the package he comes with. Bad news, and not the best position to bring your kids into.
Take care, and I wish you the best.
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