A
female
age
30-35,
*ilterfish
writes:I'm not really used to this whole blogging your feelings thing but here it goes: -takes deep breath-I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now and I truly do love him. He is honest(tactless but honest nonetheless), a great provider, and shows plenty of affection towards me which is all good. Here's where things get a bit trippy and I guess it's better to start from the beginning. He and I started dating in high school but we'd been best friends for about 8 months however he's liked me since he first met me. He would call me whenever he could, he quit doing drugs, and consoled me when I really needed somebody. On the flip side, he had a stalker quality to him: he would try to sabotage the relationship I was in(me and the guy broke up over something dumb), he gave me a glass duck which would have been so sweet if he hadn't put his blood in it, etc etc. Moving on, eventually towards the end of the school year he ended up getting a girlfriend and I was so happy for him then he asked me out to the prom but I turned him down due to his girlfriend deal. That weekend I told him he was my best friend and that I loved him very much and he said he loved me too well I began dating this guy I danced with and he had broken up with his girlfriend for me. Skipping all the fluff, we got together. We were actually very good for about a week or so then on a date he asked if it was alright for us to do sexual stuff and I asked my best friend what I should say to that and he said that since we both knew each other for so long, it would be alright to say yes. (this was through texting of course)My boyfriend was my third relationship and in that year alone I had three boyfriends so I was still new to the whole dating thing. However my first and second boyfriend wanted me just for sexual activities but it became a normal thing for me because I felt that it was just a plus in a relationship. For a whole summer we did sexual stuff but I didn't want to have sex because I didn't feel right giving it away like that but he kept on saying how its a guy's right of passage. At this point, he'd accepted everything I was insecure about: body, mind, and soul. I really did feel as though he was with me for the long haul so we had sex. After the first time, he felt like having sex everytime he saw, touched, or even smelled me he got horny and wouldn't control himself. Then we broke up a couple of times, first time was me then it was him but we always ended up getting back together and I became more attached to him as time comtinued on. Now let's get to the present day, here are the problems we have encountered in the past 4 months:1. He was hitting me for 2 months then stopped after I told his best friend in front of him, he was embarrassed and stopped. He didn't feel ashamed because he said he was just 'popping' me. 2. He gropes me in public when I tell him not to then stares at other women telling me how fine their 'tits and asses' are. 3. If I say I don't want to have sex, he complains, throws a tanturm, then guilts me into it. He will continue to beg and beg until he can have it any way he wants to. 4. When he gets mad at something, he scares me. I don't know what to do or what he will do when he's angry.5. I've been feeling awful for weeks now and he just continues to beg for sex. 6. He makes racist jokes towards black people(he's white, I'm black) and tells me I don't count because I'm not fully black. I am also starting to like another guy but I'm scared to leave my boyfriend because he understands what I go through, he doesn't abandon me, and he does what he can to help me(after we have sex which is what he wants.)I really don't know what to do and I already consider myself stupid for letting it get this bad but its either we fix it or we break up. He also used to get mad at me because he found out I was bipolar but he learned to accept me whereas any other guy would call me crazy(I think anyway). Sorry for this being so long though
View related questions:
best friend, broke up, drugs, horny, insecure, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, empty-1 +, writes (6 October 2009):
Run, hone, run. Don't think, don't hesitate, and don't explain. DO NOT LET THIS MAN BACK INTO YOUR LIFE for ANY reason. people who treat one another like this are as worthless as they try and make other feel. You are better than that. There is no question that you deserve so much more, and you just need the patience and faith that you will find it!
If he ever hits you again, don't tell his best friend, TELL THE POLICE!
A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (6 October 2009):
 When he hits you or guilt-trips you into things you do not want to do, or behaves in a scary (threatening) manner when he is mad, he is displaying his disregard for you and your feelings of happiness and safety. He doesn’t care if you WANT sex - he wants you to give it to him anyway. You do not like racist comments, whether you are full black or half-black and he says them anyway. Certainly members of your family are included in those comments, right? Is he saying he thinks very little of half of you? If I put it that way, can you see that your feelings don't matter to him?
Did you know that a man’s treatment of a woman is part of the foreplay? Did you know that there are players who will behave with more dignity and respect that he has?
How do you think THAT affects your bipolar mood swings? Do you think that you can be healthy around that?
You KNOW this is not right for you. That is why you are replaying the whole history of him in your head and in this post. Things you accepted before you are starting to question or question again.
Frankly, I would suggest you worry about meeting someone else later. Deal with the health of this relationship on its own instead of adding that additional worry to the plate. If the only way you could be with someone was to endure emotional turmoil, is it worth it to you?
I wonder if you'd come up with the answers that are right for you by yourself if I told you that there are guys who will work hard to help you through what you need to work through; who will accept you for who you are: body mind and soul, and do so without the hitting, temper tantrums, racism and guilt-trips?
You have a lot of thinking to do. Good luck.
...............................
|
