A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have just ended a relationship with my boyfriend due to his lack of time for me. He says he will come over and talk but says he is busy and has a lot on with work. He is self employed but spends a lot of time procrastinating and chatting to customers. The business is doing ok but he puts a lot in with not much reward.I am upset and feel hurt at his lack of priority for me in his life. He says lets stay friends and support each other. It seems feeble abd half hearted but he says as long as we are talking it's good.I still feel stuck. I love him but he is always so distracted. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 April 2015):
 You are a lesser priority, so ending it might BE the right thing FOR you.
I would however NOT stay "friends" as it will hinder rather than help you move on to a man who WANTS you in his life.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2015): I am OP. Just to add I am self emoloyed and my business is just as time consuming too.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (26 April 2015):
 If he's okay with dialing the relationship back to just friendship (as opposed to dialing his work responsibilities back a little to keep you in his life as a romantic partner, because he doesn't want to lose you) then you are right to feel that his priorities do not lie with you.
They don't.
Maybe they can't, because he needs his job to put food on his table and a roof over his head. But the bottom line is that it does not appear you can be first in his life if you do stay in this relationship with him.
It is perfectly okay to want more than that from a relationship, and to be honest about it. It also means that he is not the man for you.
Knowing this, I think you are best served to treat this like the breakup that it is. As Aunty BimBim and CindyCares have said, you should try to limit or even cut contact with him and attempt to move on with your life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2015): All you can do is be clear of all your needs of him and if he still does not offer you what you need you will have to let him go to stop the hurt. It is complex I am sure, does he suffer short attention span for instance as then you could make allowances!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2015): Im OP and self employed too and we both have the same issues to deal with. It's not easy. I have more paperwork and continued learning and courses compared to him.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (25 April 2015):
 People who own their own business are forced to become workaholics. Time is money. If your ex bf wants his business to succeed and he is passionate about it, then it will be his number one priority for a while. He's not procrastinating when he's chatting with customers. He is trying to build relationships so that his business will become more profitable. Workaholics need a very understanding partner who does not need a lot of "together" time. The two of you are just not compatible. You need a partner who wants the "together" time just as much as you do. It is OK to want what you want. It is OK for your ex bf to want what he wants too. I think it's too soon for the two of you to just be supportive friends. You need to get him out of your system first before you can progress to the friendship stage. I'd advise that you keep your contact with him to a minimum. Start dating other people and have fun with the process. If you continue to see your ex regularly, your feelings for him will never change and the relationship may become cyclical in nature...meaning the dynamics will remain the same with no change and you're both trying to make it work, when in reality you have different needs / expectations in a relationship. You want more time. He doesn't have the time. This may never change. Go have fun finding a man who wants the same thing you do. Put your ex on the back burner for now.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 April 2015):
 You ENDED the relationship, - and he is not going to make more time for you as a "friend" than as a lover; what's there to talk about ?! You'll talk and talk.... never accomplish anything in terms of really moving on and really being over him... and, at best , you'll find yourself with a " friend " ( i.e. , some exchange of texts / phone calls when HE finds it convenient ) ...which you don't realy need, because if you had been interested in him just a friend, that's what you would have kept him at- but you wanted him as a boyfriend, and since in this role he does not deliver, what's the point of keeping him around ?
If you want this story to be over - then MAKE it so.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (25 April 2015):
 No, as long as you two are talking and supporting each other it is NOT GOOD. If you have ended the relationship you need to truly move on, and if you feel you have to, then go cold turkey, get a new phone number, block him on social media, and don't talk to him.
Staying talking and continuing to support him will just drag the misery and hurt out and you will never get the chance to heal or move on.
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