A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ive been in a relationship for almost 4 years now and for the most part everything is great.However, when I started on birth control my sex drive decreased dramatically and when I switched from the pill to the implant it didn't get much better. I started on antidepressants in November which also has a side effect of limited sex drive.My partner is usually understanding and knows when I reject his advances I'm genuinely not in the mood and it frustrates me when I'm not.Recently, he's been more persistent, and when I've said no he's continued with his sexual advances Although I've said no. Sometimes it leads to nothing but quite often it leads to us doing something and I feel uncomfortable.I understand it's frustrating for him but I can't help my low sex drive and what he's doing makes me feel uncomfortable and I don't know what to do anymore. Help.
View related questions:
in the mood, libido, sex drive, the pill Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2015): Sorry, I copied my answer from a previous one and pressed the button before I had a chance to change the end part! Hopefully you got what I mean though :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2015): CMMP - you're not a jerk but let me explain why this isn't as easy as you make out.I was in the same situation with my ex, and my sex drive died completely when I went on medication. I did try to do it as often as I could manage, but I HATED every minute of it. To me, it was akin to someone saying to you, I want you to regularly let me put my finger in and out of your ear for 20 mins at a time. You might think it feels pretty rubbish and uncomfortable for you, but I need it so I want you to just suck it up. For the first little while it's ok as you love the person, but eventually you almost avoid spending time alone with them as you know you are going to ask you to do something they know you really don't want to and you fear you'll lose them if you don't. I really felt that strongly about it, although I never let him know to quite that extent because I didn't want to hurt him (I didn't want to feel that way - I used to like sex and I felt like such a failure). Although it's not the main reason why I ended the relationship, it did play a big part as I couldn't handle being in a situation where I felt like everything he did was only done in the hope he'd get sex. I don't blame him as such, but it does suck to feel like every little bit of help around the house had a hidden agenda, and even telling him I really didn't want to didn't stop him from badgering me. I just felt disrespected and used although I know that wasn't his intention. It was also horrible constantly having the threat of being left if I didn't up my game. I felt under immense pressure to fix it quickly, and also that his sex drive became more important than my health (I couldn't just stop the medication but he wanted me to). I've now changed medication but my sex drive still isn't totally back. I hope it's just because I'm not with anyone at the moment, but I'm actually quite worried that this whole situation has put me off sex altogether as I really did come to dread it towards the end. In fact one day towards the very end I silently cried during sex and he didn't even notice. Or pretended not to any way.To the OP, I know this has probably not what you wanted to hear, but I thought it might help to hear from a woman who's been there. I promise you she won't want to feel like this, but putting even the smallest amount of pressure on her will have the opposite effect and she may end up with an aversion to sex (Google that for more info).
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (26 April 2015):
Maybe I sound like a jerk, but what's wrong with having sex with him to make him happy? Ice been on both sides, dead tired from work and my wife horny. I said yes nearly every time because there are way worse things than having sex when you're not in the mood.
Now my wife is on anti depressants and NEVER is in the mood. At first she would indulge me but lately she only does once every few weeks and it SUCKS!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2015): Not an uncommon occurrence with female contraception. When my ex went on the pill her sex drive dropped like a stone.
In the end, her drive improved after coming off the pill and using regular forms of contraception, ie. condoms.
But, no matter how much you get along, how much you love one another, if one half of the relationship has a much higher sex drive than the other, it almost never stands the test of time.
Sex is too central to a relationship to be on the back burner for the rest of your lives.
...............................
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (25 April 2015):
 You need to straight up tell him that it isn't happening and that it's final. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean that he's entitled to sex whenever he feels like it. I understand it must be frustrating for him, but he needs to respect your current situation and if that's too much for him then you will both have to find someone that you're sexually compatible with.
No means no.
...............................
|
