A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I had my first child when I was 17 with my now ex boyfriend. Due to ill health my mother spent a lot of time looking after my child as I have epilepsy and found it hard to handle both at the time. As my mother couldn't take my epilepsy away but could have my child for a few hours, or days (only a few times), I didn't see it as a problem at first. As time went on and my little girl grew older, I saw how much I needed my mum, and told my ex that his family would need to help out more when he couldn't. (I need to make it clear that my mum only ever help when my ex couldn't. I was just dropping my child on her constantly.)Now, I am having my second child with my husband, (we have been together since I was 19, and married since I was 22.) My health has been a lot better and I haven't had any fits since for almost a year. My mum however has told me that now she has a full time job she won't be on hand to be a babysitter this time around. I feel hurt as I wasn't asking her to be her babysitter, I was only ever needing her help when I was ill and her daddy couldn't help. I'm more mature and in a better place health wise, and I'm also in a very much committed relationship with a mature man who looks after my daughter and myself as well as working full time. I only work part time, and my husband always does over time so that I only need to do part time as he cares so much. I just feel hurt by her comment and I don't understand why she would feel the need to say something like that and if I should just leave it or ask her why she felt the need to say such a thing?
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (30 April 2015):
I think you feel a bit guilty about your mum having to step in to help with the first baby and that is why you are sensitive to what she is saying. Clearly you are a good mum since you made sure you got settled with a good man and stepfather before having a second child, but you probably feel bad that you did need the extra help first time round. This is understandable, but your mum possibly didnt mean anything bad by her comment. You can also clear the air and put your mind at rest by saying something like "I'm so glad my health seems to have improved, I look forward to taking care of the baby by myself this time round" if it is bothers you. Good luck and I hope your epilepsy continues to stay away x
A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (25 April 2015):
 I think you are being extra sensitive...possibly due to the pregnancy. Just leave it. Your mom wasn't being mean. She was just being practical.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (25 April 2015):
 I agree with Ciar.
Your MOM is letting you know that she won't be able to help you out as much as she did with #1. BECAUSE SHE IS WORKING FULL TIME!! Not because she doesn't WANT to help out, but because she CAN'T.
You are looking for some MEAN hidden meaning in her statement, THERE ISN'T ANY.
MAKE sure you have an emergency babysitter BEFORE you have your baby #2. MAKE sure you see a doctor regularly.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (25 April 2015):
 Sometimes you need to hear what people say as a fact and without attaching more meaning to it. Maybe you imagined she thought her only role in life is to be your babysitter and she's tired of it, and she's quickly declining that request even before you are asking. Few people like to depend on others for help, your mom is just doing it for you so you don't have to ask her. As long as your ex couldn't help out, your mom WILL be babysitter. Sometimes she can feel tired too but as your mother she won't complain because you really need help. She has no intention of making you to be the ungrateful, weak daughter. I am sure your mom is happy now that you are healthier and happily married.
I guess your mother could have just told you her work schedule and that's it. Just because you feel hurt does not mean that person meant to hurt you. She didn't know how sensitive you got.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (25 April 2015):
 She was just giving you a heads up that she won't be able to help out as much as she did before. It's a perfectly reasonable statement. What is there to be hurt about?
This is all a bit melodramatic, if you ask me. I wouldn't bring this up.
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