A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am currently mourning the loss of a Friendship that I cut out of my life this Spring.The friend decided to divulge some personal things about my life on her blog. She did not use my name, but several clues about my life and personality, mutual friends figured it out. The mutual friends berated her for sharing too much information. The friend has horrible temper tantrums and has lashed out at past boyfriends, former friends, co workers, etc. We took a trip together last summer, and one day I was feeling ill and she started to yell at me for wasting her time and $, because I had to cut one day short. (It was 100 degrees and I was vomiting!)After the blog thing, I was calm and told her I was ending the friendship, because she was abusive. I felt like she had little respect for me. She told me I was depressing and a burden to her, so it was for the best. This person is VERY narcisstic and very charming when she wants to be. Two of our mutual female friends barely speak to me now. I suspect out of fear to not upset her and feel her wrath. I happened to look at her blog one day and she vaguely lamented how much our friendship meant to her, how she missed me, how she can not fix what is broken, etc. She hints that I abandoned her, that I broke the relationship, etc. I know better. Yes, I left because I had enough. I was tired of being her emotional punching bag. Once in awhile, my heart still HURTS. I mourn the loss of the friendship. It angers me that she blames ME for leaving her. I know that her behavior is classic narcissist, playing the role of the victim, and telling others that I was needy, clingy and that she did soooo much for me and I took advantage of her, etc.Sometimes the loss plays on my insecurity, because it reminds me of my narcissitic ex husband who did the same thing. During the last few months, I have come to the conclusion that I attract Narcissists into my life, and I was codependant with it for years. Since making the committment to break this habit, I have been timid to date, or even make new friends out of fear Im going to be blind to this sort of passive agressive person!I feel stuck in feeling someone is going to take advantage of my calm and sweet temperment and later use it against me.I am walking on new ground, but fear never helped anyone. My anxiety levels are high. I feel like I traded one problem for another.I do not miss the friend, but I miss having a trusted and trustworthy friend. I know I am incredibily defensive right now and that is highly unappealing to ANYONE, even my friends that are still in my life. I have apolgized to them, but I know my hermit ways are wearing thin on them now.I do not want to lose the good people I still have in my life. Why am I doing this to myself?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI love when DearCupid alters your own title..(laughs). This one makes me sound like such a worrier.
Dear Duck,
Thanks for your encouragement. I actually do have on my mental "first aid kit" that I need to join some new social groups.
I have been attacking boxes of hobby supplies and it is inspiring me to get back into my art. Creativity has always been healing for me.
Just a few months ago, I was coaching someone in the same predicament and now he is dating someone wonderful.
I need to follow my own advice and give some events a go.
Thanks again for the encouragement.
A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx  +, writes (23 July 2011):
 Hello. Well i have been/am in the same postion as you i recently fell out with my bestfriend who i considered to be narcissist. She has quite a horrible life and had to deal with alot of things but i found she would always over-exgarate them and say things like she was moving to london, or social services were going to come and take her away i always expressed sympathy for her until i realised none of the things she said acutally ever happened.
She was always horrible to me and wanted th world to evolve round her, she speak to me like a dog and would get in a mood if i disagreed with her or didnt do what she wanted.
I later fell out with all my friends and now only have one left, i can understand what you mean tho that you dont miss her but miss kinda the companinship and company of being able to go out and do this and go out and do that and now you probably feel like you can't.
Do not be fooled by her posting things on her blog about how she misses you she probably is just doing it for the sympathy vote as ive already fell for that one with my friend. I would tell your other friends your going through abit of a rough time at the moment so you are sorry if you snap at them. If they decide they will maybe help you through or understand why then great, however if they cannot not handle you at you worst why should they deserve you at your best ?
Go onto internet join some networking sites talking on the internet is always easyier than talking face to face maybe someone who doesnt live far from you and build your confidence up starting talking to them here then perhaps meet up with them
Try and put all the bad stuff that has happened recently to the back of mind and go out and try and socialize, dont think everyone will be like your friend because that is not the case.
Try your best to ignore the nerves and always keep an open mind about a person i find to build up confidence it really is good just to take a dive into and opportunity without thinking of all the bad things that could happen so dont over-anaalyize it.
Look for clubs or social events round your area, even bars its a great place to meet people best of luck x
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