A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Currently all my friends have boyfriends and I've never had a boyfriend and desperately wanted to have one. Now I've become so down on the fact that it will never happen I've given up caring and looking for that special someone. Does this mean I'll be alone for the rest of my life. I mean I shouldn't be so down on love at the age of 22. What bothers me the most is I never got to experience any sort of love, not the love notes given to each other in grade school. The excitement of someone being interested in you and you liking them back. I feel as if I missed out on the little things that people with significant others get to experience and it hurts because I can't go back in time to change that. I feel as though I've missed important moments that are a part of growing up, and that everyone I know has had the privilege of experiences. I feel so unworthy and pathetic. What should I do?
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (19 March 2009):
 You are still very young so dont give up, and you definately wont be alone forever! I bet your friends are secretly jealous of your single life, I am 21 and have been in and out of relationships since I was 15. I am so glad now that I am single, I have realised that I have spent too much time running around after men and it is about time I had some fun myself!
Men love confidence - if you dont believe that you are attractive inside and out, then this will come accross when you meet new people. Even if you feel rubbish inside, make sure you come across as confident, just smiling and your body's posture can say a lot about you.
Have you thought about online dating? While this is still frowned upon by some people, and often it doesnt work because you get a lot of false people on there, it might actually help you. Even if you dont meet up with anyone, the chatting and exchanging flirty emails will give you an experience of what it is like to meet someone new and have that excitment. maybe just join up for a month so you are not spending too much money, then you can figure out if you like it or not.
I have used it before (that was how I met my ex) and while it worked at first, I found that my now ex boyfriend was amazing at first but then changed and showed his true colours after a couple of months. So I'm not the biggest fan of online dating but I do think it can give you a lot of confidence - you can see how many people are looking at your profile, who "likes" you and then you can see how many messages you are getting. This should make you feel better about yourself so you can take your new-found confidence out into the real world and meet new people!
And one other thing that should make you feel better is to go out shopping, get a new haircut and buy some new make-up! I know this seems pretty superficial but when you feel that you look good on the outside, it helps make the inside feel better too! Your posture and body language also changes when you think you look good - you stand taller, you push out your assets and generally you are giving off a more positive vibe! Men will approach a woman, but only if she looks happy, confident and approachable (dont stay in the middle of a crowd of your female friends all the time as men get scared of big groups of girls!).
Just the other night I was in a bar for my friends 22nd birthday, and the girls had gone to the toilet. Now I am not particularly attractive and there were definately prettier girls in the bar, but because I was stood on my own waiting for my friends outside the toilets with a drink, I was approached by a couple of guys just in those few minutes! Now none were guys I would want to date, but this is the sort of thing you need to think about when you are out in places like bars and clubs.
So overall you just need to believe in yourself more, feel more confident as a person and be more approachable. Notice your body language more - do you stand with your arms crossed? Do you walk with your head down? Are you normally very quiet in your group of friends? Do you tend to laugh lots or never smile? All these little things will make a huge difference to whether or not a guy approaches you so you need to be aware of your body.
You should be happy that you have not wasted your time on a load of unsuitable guys, instead you are waiting for the right one to come along. Never give up otherwise you will just end up feeling pessimistic about love, and then you will never find someone. But if you believe in love, and have a positive outlook on life then oneday the man of your dreams will come along right when you least expect it!
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (19 March 2009):
If you've given up and stopped caring then yes, you will be alone for ever.
Finding a guy is not difficult but it does require effort.
Stop sitting in your little puddle of self pity and GET OUT THERE!
I was an ugly duckling at school too. The only boys that even came to talk to me wanted to ask me for my friend's phone numbers.
But you are not a gawky 14 year old any more. You are a beautiful swan! You are just a swan who hides inside wondering when a lovely male swan will come knocking on your door.
THEY DON'T. Men don't make house calls any more.
Go and join new groups, go out with your girlfriends and chat to some new people, go on a girls weekend to somewhere new.
Dress up, stop feeling bad about what hasn't happened to you and get out side. There are lots of nice guys in the world and you are young and single and just need to let yourself cheer up enough to have the time of your life.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (19 March 2009):
 first of all don't feel unworthy and pathetic just not all the time guys tell you they like you soemtimes you got to tell them first or let them know how you feel because sometimes guys are afraid of telling girls how they feel and are scared of the rejection.i am 20 i've had 1 relationship which was silly.but now i want one but i am quite fussy my friends have them i feel left out too but when it happens it will happen!shouldn't give up.just get out there meet some new guys you know see how things go even if they are just dates at least you're getting somewherebut seriously do not feel unworthy at all.your time will come and when it does you'll be glad you waited and didn't give up :)sometimes when you least expect it it'll just be there right in front of you when you least expect it maybe no searching was required but it'll happen trust me!don't be so hard on yourself :)need to chat message me or something :)i'm happy to talk to you :)Best of luck sweety :)
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