A
female
age
36-40,
*alabear
writes:My husband and I have been married for six years and have two children together (6 with adhd and 2), however most of the time I feel like I am a single mother. He never does anything but sleep. He'll stay up until five o' clock in the morning watching movies, playing video gameas or reading comics and then sleeps until about 4 pm (he is currently out of work but when he did work I had to get him up every single morning, iron his clothes, style his hair, etc). He barely does anything around the house and leaves his crap (clothes, dirty plates, empty cans, potato chip bags) eveywhere for me to pick up. I've tried to ask him to help and to go to bed earlier so he can get up and help me get our son to school (his kindergarten doesn't have a bus so I have to drive him) but he never does so I have to get my daughter as well as my son ready to go to school and pick him up. I cook all of the meals, I do all of the cleaning, the laundry, I help my son with his homework every night, take care of the kids, clean up after the pets..etc. All I ask him to do is take out the trash which sits still in bags either on the back porch or next to the sliding glass door (right next to the computer so he knows it is there) but yet he'll let it sit there for four days until trash day to take it out.Today was the kicker. Every wednesday night I go over to my grandparents to visit alone for about 2 hours (gives me a break from life) but he needed the car tonight so I couldn't go (his battery died and he didn't bother to try to jump it or anything even though we've had the jumper cables and a battery guage since sunday) so right as i am about to walk out the door he tells me that he needs to go for a dry run to make sure he knows how to get to a job interview he has tomorrow. Naturally I'm a little pissed off so I give him a bit of attitude since he put off his car for about 3 days now and he calls me a selfish bitch! I do everything for him other than wiping his ass when he uses the bathroom and he calls me selfish. He knows exactly how I feel about all of this. I feel like his mother, not his wife and I am sick of it. We've talked these issues to death and I've told him how his behavior is ruining our marriage but he just doesn't seem to care. What the heck am I supposed to do?
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female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (12 February 2009):
 Stop talking with words and do action. Don't tell him what your about to do but just stop nagging him. it doesn't work. Stop cooking for him, stop cleaning for him. Basically ignore him and let him do his own thing. just cook and take care of the kids.
However you must do this without any attitude. Do it with a smile. Show him what its like to live with him. To have a spouse that doesn't do their share. Yes, the house will be messy, and it will bug the hell out you but action speak louder than words. soon he will see that he needs to start cooking if he wants to eat.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2009): I won't be the first person to say you unfortunately have created this situation yourself. That is not to say you are wrong but you have done it out of kindness and 'duty' but look where it has got you. So... you have two choices. Let battle commence, or, walk away now. If you take him on and start creating demands stronger and more frequent than you have then I get the feeling he could get abusive - along the lines of calling you a selfish bitch (which is totally unacceptable) and probably much worse as you start to assert yourself. To be honest by disrespecting you he already has and by ignoring you and treating you in this way it is actually a form of emotional abuse. Or walk away.... Somebody once said to me when I was living in an unhappy relationship and struggling to find the strength to do - "What would you miss if you lived on your own?" Ironically I said "Him putting the bin out." In your case ask yourself that question because if you can imagine a life on your own - calm, tidy, organized, in control, happy even with a chance in time of meeting an exciting man who gives you a great life - then perhaps its time to see sense. There are a lot of men out there that are helpful, tidy and not abusive.
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A
female
reader, lightningrod247 +, writes (12 February 2009):
Geez I hate the video games. Sound to me like you just have an extra large child on your hands. Men are lazy. I'd probably show him the door. Or at least give him an ultimatum.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2009): Leave! He does it, because you let him get away with it! If you're practically a single mother then why not just leave? it will give him something to think about! You can do bad all by yourself! lol put your foot down and mean it!!!!!!!!!!!
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