A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, my ex (who was also my best friend for four years) and I broke up almost four months ago (after six months as a couple), and I find myself missing her these days. She tried calling me a couple times last week after not having spoken to one another for about a month, but I ignored her calls and deleted her messages. I'm still a bit hurt by her dumping me, and I'm not sure if I'm ready to talk to her yet. Sometimes it feels like I am, sometimes not. I'm at this point where I'm not sure if I ever want to be friends with her again, because of some of the things she's done and said to me after our relationship. (She lied to me, never told me she fell out of love with me, never gave me an explanation, was rude to me, cut me off during conversations, ignored me, etc.) I don't know what to do. Advice anyone, please?Thanks for those who reply.
View related questions:
best friend, broke up, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (16 February 2009):
 no it doesn't make you petty or immature. You have every right to move on with your life. The damage is done and the trust is gone. In time you will heal. That is what life is about. You are going to meet new ..more people and sometimes we have to say goodbye.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys for the advice. I decided to call my ex back last week and it was one of the most awkward conversations in my life. It lasted maybe 3 minutes of brief pleasantries and really short updates, like, "I'm doing fine, classes are okay." Then, I told her I had to go; what I didn't say was that I couldn't bear the awkwardness anymore. Then on Valentine's Day (yesterday), she called me and asked if I wanted to hang out the next day, to which I responded, "I'm sorry, but I'm busy," and it was true. That, and I didn't think that I'd be ready yet to confront her. She sounded almost disappointed, or I could be making it up, and we said our byes. I think she's trying to patch up what's left of our friendship, but the thing is, I'm not sure if I can ever trust her again. I'm in the process of forgiving her and accepting what happened, but I simply don't think I can ever trust her again. Maybe in the future I'll be comfortable with being acquaintances, but right now, I'm content with having nothing to do with her. Does that make me petty and immature?
...............................
A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (12 February 2009):
It's funny you ask this question. My ex (first love) made contact again (thanks facebook) after not having contact for 13 years. We talked on the phone, and it turns out he was mad that our relationship ended and didn't want anything to do with me. I had no idea and thought i was justify in leaving the relationship since he was the one that did me wrong. We can laugh about it now because he has a beautiful family and we both moved on. We agree to be friends and never lose touch again.
My point is, if you are still hurt, then its not a good time to be friends. Only when you are completely over her and have moved on, can you let her back in your life.
However, it is important to have closure. You might want to know or let her explain why she did what she did...because there are two sides to every story.
Whatever the case... every ex are different. Some turn out so bad you never want to see them again. And there are some, where what you had was so special, even though it wasn't meant to be romantic wise, in time you might find each other and be friends again.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2009): It's normal for you to be confused. After my ex and I broke up, there was a long period of time that I didn't know what I wanted. We had both hurt each other pretty bad. We decided to be friends for a while but it didn't work out well. The thing is, for many breakups, one of the partners still has strong feelings for the other. This is what makes a friendship difficult. You need to decide if you would be happier with her in your life (as a friend of course). She seems to be interested in friendship if she's calling you and leaving messages. I suggest that you forgive her and move on with your life, because until you forgive her, there's a huge chance you won't move on. If you let it all haunt you, you'll never stop thinking about it.
...............................
|
