| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I feel so ugly... my boyfriend has a huge celebrity crush on Monica Bellucci, and has seen many movies in which she has sex scenes, with a lot of nudity. I know that she's really beautiful, especially for her age, but it still makes me feel bad that I'm not as beautiful. Once I shared this insecurity, and he tried to be reassuring, I guess, but his words never left my mind after that: "Honey, I love you, for reasons other than your body. You're attractive, but you have to understand that you're not the only one and Monica Bellucci is much hotter, but that's because she's famous, and you're not. All celebrities have to be hotter than average, it's their job. Plus, if I met her in real life, she wouldn't give me the time of day! But I love you, not her, she's just really hot!" (All this made me feel like he's settling). I understand he loves me, but I don't underdstand the other things he said. I think some actors look good, but I don't feel that they're hotter than him, even if other women do. I just think he's the sexiest man, for me. It gets to me, especially since people sometimes tell me I'm ugly and guys hardly look at me. It also kills me to think that my boyfriend thinks a 40 year old looks better than me, when I'm barely 21... what is he going to think when I'm 40?! (He says he'd like to marry me).I bet if he could be with a girl who was more attractive, he would be... provided she also had a nice personality and all... all this makes me feel like I'm depriving him of beauty, of a really hot body, like he's missing out. Like, I can be cute, and an awesome, caring girlfriend, even work on my sexual skills, but I will never be able to give him hotness or beauty. And I can't do anything natural to be more attractive: I'm already of normal weight, and I'd never dye my hair or wear contacts. I have small breasts so I'd have to get surgery, and I have cellulite all ove my thighs, and I hear there's little, if anything, to do about that :(I just wish I could also give him beauty. Now whenever I bring up the subject, he either gets upset or says "Honey, you're pretty too!", but I know that ultimately he thinks her and most celebrities are hotter than me... and if he thinks they're hot, it means he'd like to f*** them, right?Thanks, I know I sound silly and insecure, but I can't seem to get over it... I try not to think about it and rationalize it, but it doesn't work (for instance, thinking "Oh, but he's with me not them, he loves me not them" doesn't really work!).How can I feel better, accept it and be cool? I don't want to ruin myself and the relationship!
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male
reader, EuropeanGuy87  +, writes (23 April 2011):
Wrong ! Not all celebrities are hotter than average people only because they are celebrities. I can guarantee you I know girls here in Europe that are hotter than Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie.. it's non sense to think the celebrities are the best looking. no no no..you have to go travel more . I went in Russia 2 yrs ago and my god I've never seen so hot girls all in one place..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010): wow that sounds horrible for you hun. I think you should give him a taste of his own medicine..
''Plus, if I met her in real life, she wouldn't give me the time of day'' thats just horrid, if he met a lookalike of her , does that mean he'd run off with her.
I can see where you are coming from with this though. I felt like it with my bf when we firt got together. But he was making suggestions of how i can change my image etc etc. Dont let it take over your life because you can become obsessed..
Im obsessed now with trying to look like his heart throbs, and what you forget is that he fell in love with you. Not your image. Im obsessed with my looks and body, I change my image almost every month. It can get tiring and very depressing, so please just remember men can be insensitive and be stupid with words too.
The guy loves you, otherwise he wouldnt be with you.He just probably doesnt know how to express thoughts sometimes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2010): I will be very clear.. DUMP him. He is not good for you. I promise. Im 24 years old. I have heard about 30 times people of all ages and countries and sexes telling me i look like monica bellucci. I have also friends of mine believe that by looking at her photos that its me on the photos!!! All of this and i am still really unlucky with men, believe it or not. Many men are idiots and think that the grass is greener on the other side. He doesnt seem very smart also and you should trust me when i say DUMP him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2010):
Monica on beauty :
It has to come from inside. If you don’t feel good, it’s impossible to look good – not just for girls, but for women who’ve already had a life, and experiences.
Monica says that more girls to feel confident in themselves and believes that is the key to future success. She tells Moviehole.net, "I say all the time, as I've said before, that it's not important the way you are, but the way you feel. "There are so many beautiful young girls, that do so many things to themselves and they're so young, they don't need it. So, I think that I feel fine with myself, not because people say I'm pretty, but just because I have the life that I choose."
And she is right. Right now your boyfriend doesn't make it easy for you to feel that from within. But on the other hand your sense of feeling beautiful has to come from with you- not depending on your boyfriend or the number of guys turning heads. You are the only one that really counts.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): Your boyfriend is being extremely insensitive and disrespectful to you. You deserve better and deserve someone who likes you the way you are, but maybe your guy still has a lot of growing up to do. Try to build up your own self-esteem; get your hair done, go for a manicure, whatever makes you feel and look good. Go shopping with friends or plan a girl's night out to have fun with them and to take your mind off your guy. If all else fails, start talking about a male actor you like, (ie:George Clooney, Johnny Depp, etc.) and see how he reacts. Remember that you are gorgeous the way you are!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): lay down the law, and if he doesn't respect it, boot him to the curb- you deserve better. NO woman should ever be compared to a Hollywood type- that's illusion... not reality.
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (20 January 2010):
 I'm not trying to be mean, but your boyfriend is a rude pig. He has NO IDEA how to treat a woman! I'm really appalled by these comments your boyfriend has made. If he can't see how hurtful they are, he's really thick. If he realizes how hurtful the comments are, why does he make them? It is cruel.
As far as being naturally beautiful, have you ever seen what some of these "stars" look like without their makeup? They look like someone you'd see at the grocery store. You'd be surprised what a little makeup can do.
It sounds like your self-esteem is in the gutter. It's a shame, because you deserve better... maybe a makeover?
I like Heartfullalove's idea. Make your boyfriend drink his own medicine.
Who wouldn't lick their lips over Johnny Depp? Yum!
Or what about Gael Garcia Bernal? He's a really hot Mexican actor.
By the way, what country are you from, if I may ask?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): I mean color contacts, I don't need glasses... it's just because I have brown eyes and where I live they're very common, that green or blue eyes (or even really light brown eyes) are much more attractive... although I prefer men to have darker eyes, the darker the better... but guys usually like green or blue eyes 'cause they're more exotic.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): If you to cure him of the Monica Bellucci obsession (and even I recognise she's very, very sexy) perhaps rent out a film called Irreversible, in which Ms Bellucci is subjected to a rape scene that lasts nine entire minutes and feels like nine years. I never slept well for weeks after seeing it.
As for your boyfriend, it really isn't very nice of him to bang on about how hot he finds other women. It's insensitive at best, if not downright cruel. If he tries it again, maybe start licking your lips over Johnny Depp or George Clooney or whoever rings your bell. Or just tell him you'd prefer he didn't go on about it.
But do bear in mind that he obviously finds you attractive, if he's with you.
Also: why not wear contacts? They're completely safe and very very handy. I'm blind as a bat without them, and I admit I'm WAY too vain to even think about wearing glasses. It's all about aesthetics and it's all subjective, but I do think glasses are unattractive, though obviously there are a few super-hot people who can get away with wearing them.
Best of luck
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (19 January 2010):
Well he was hardly sensitive to you. Monica Belucci isn't perfect. She's pretty, but she'll have all the same body hangups than any other woman, and then there's all the make up, and all the lighting. For your boyfriend to say 'you're not the only one and Monica Belucci is much hotter' suggests that like quite a few other young men he has been duped buy all this technology. The fact is she isn't any better than you. It just seems to me that you have a bit of an insensitive boyfriend.
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